31 days and Homes for sale
Today I spent the day looking at houses. Somehow in my mind while growing up I saw myself looking for a house with a partner. It bums me out doing it alone but it keeps my mind occupied. I am still having a hard time with the whole Dany thing but I think it is getting a little bit better. It has been a month since we talked last. I know it is best for me to not ever see her again and I am sure it will only make her happy as she seems to not think of any of the nice or good things I did for her. I would say she concentrates on the bad things I did but I really didn't do much to ever make her happy though she made all sorts of things up in her mind. She was drunk most of the time anyway so I am sure it was easier for her to conceive her stories that I am sure she tells her new BF now. I heard all sorts of stories about her past loves, now I know its all bullshit.
So anyway, I looked at 10 houses today, found one that was so well taken care of but was done so by a old couple so everything needs to be updated. not really an issue for me but sure is a lot of work. The price was OK but the location wasn't my favorite, it was close to 5th east and 39th south. I would like to be closer to downtown for convenience. I have my Realtor taking a look at it and we will see. I have another 5 I would like to see the inside of and I will print off a new list to check out tomorrow. I have a pretty good eye for problems with the houses and make notes as I go.
Friday my PO called and said my paperwork was in to the judge and that he thought I would be done that day and to call back. I called back but still nothing. Monday is a holiday so I wont hear then either. Tuesday I am working out of town in Wyoming and it would be nice to have it done by then but the wheels of injustice roll slowly.
I am still having most of my anxiety based on being alone all the time. It is becoming less painful to think of Dany and I am trying to remember all the shitty things she did to me over that year and a half. I made notes in my phone that i found the other day about the day she decided to physically abuse me. I just let her hit me because i wasn't going to fight back. It is funny she called me a woman hitter quite a few times when she was belligerent though I never once hit her. I did once bite her arm to try and get my phone out of her hands so she didn't break it in half and I also once held my hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming a 3 am in my cousins basement so I wouldn't be kicked out of the only place I had to live. Both times she was drunk and attacked me first.
God I am an idiot when it comes to women. First I let Natalie ruin my entire life for the rest of my life. I knew I needed to leave, my friends gave me a place to move to and support but I was to stuck, to comfortable to move on. And now I will have to deal with not making that decision for the rest of my life. You would think it would make leaving dany that much easier, though I does not. I tend to let my heart have full control sometimes and well, maybe its time to figure that out and not let it happen again.
I am texting 3 or 4 girls currently, though I am not particularly interested in any of them. I go out to dinner with one about every two weeks. I have a date on Monday, she said we should go to the Zoo, i told her it hurt me to see the animals so unhappy and asked if she would like to take the top off the car and drive over guardsman pass and eat dinner in Park City. She said it sounded wonderful. I asked her for some of her favorite music and I have downloaded it for the drive. I am trying to decide where to eat in PC, maybe El Chubosco. That place still makes me think of dany. She used to get every salsa and would have 15 to 20 cups to take with us. the funny joke was, "they wouldn't put them out if they didn't want me to take them."
The girl I am taking is Ellen, she is pretty cool and we get along great but she is a poly and I don't know if I can deal with that.
I also have been talking with a girl off of evow.com Kelly the nurse. she works at one of the emergency rooms and works graves. we have been talking about 2 months now and from the pictures she seems attractive, though being a ginger with tattoo's makes me think i am trying to find another Dany.
Though dany was not a real red head, her tattoo on her chest was probably one of the sexiest things I have ever seen. at first I just though it was interesting but after being with her that long, I fell in love with the artwork. I think I will get a tattoo in the next few months to mark this period in my life, and to mark the passing of the last part of my life.
I realize this is all aimless jabber but I want to start getting down what is happening to me in my daily life so I can one day look back and see how far I have come. I hope someday to be able to say I am stronger because of this. Funny part is that if i went back though my posts, i am sure the most activity i have is around every breakup i have had. Yeah I am a whiner. I can blame it this time on not having any outlets to get it off my chest but that is not completely true. I have Justin, though he is slowly going though what looks to be a divorce because he doesn't want kids and she does. Also I have Amanda, funny how our relationship has changed so much over the last 10 years. I broke her heart and here she is helping me deal with a broken heart. She is a good friend. Other then those two I don't really have anyone I would call a friend.
Justin is planning on moving back to Oregon when everything falls apart here, This makes me so very sad. I never realized how much his friendship would mean to me back 7 years ago when he started working at Aurant. He is the definitely the closest person in my life and we only see each other at work, and sometimes we do a boys night out with dinner and a movie.
Well i guess I might as well get to sleep. I find it funny that I prefer the sleep world though I have such a hard time going to bed.
I hope something turns around soon and that things do start getting better otherwise I don't see any reason to be around anymore.
I hope it happens soon.
So anyway, I looked at 10 houses today, found one that was so well taken care of but was done so by a old couple so everything needs to be updated. not really an issue for me but sure is a lot of work. The price was OK but the location wasn't my favorite, it was close to 5th east and 39th south. I would like to be closer to downtown for convenience. I have my Realtor taking a look at it and we will see. I have another 5 I would like to see the inside of and I will print off a new list to check out tomorrow. I have a pretty good eye for problems with the houses and make notes as I go.
Friday my PO called and said my paperwork was in to the judge and that he thought I would be done that day and to call back. I called back but still nothing. Monday is a holiday so I wont hear then either. Tuesday I am working out of town in Wyoming and it would be nice to have it done by then but the wheels of injustice roll slowly.
I am still having most of my anxiety based on being alone all the time. It is becoming less painful to think of Dany and I am trying to remember all the shitty things she did to me over that year and a half. I made notes in my phone that i found the other day about the day she decided to physically abuse me. I just let her hit me because i wasn't going to fight back. It is funny she called me a woman hitter quite a few times when she was belligerent though I never once hit her. I did once bite her arm to try and get my phone out of her hands so she didn't break it in half and I also once held my hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming a 3 am in my cousins basement so I wouldn't be kicked out of the only place I had to live. Both times she was drunk and attacked me first.
God I am an idiot when it comes to women. First I let Natalie ruin my entire life for the rest of my life. I knew I needed to leave, my friends gave me a place to move to and support but I was to stuck, to comfortable to move on. And now I will have to deal with not making that decision for the rest of my life. You would think it would make leaving dany that much easier, though I does not. I tend to let my heart have full control sometimes and well, maybe its time to figure that out and not let it happen again.
I am texting 3 or 4 girls currently, though I am not particularly interested in any of them. I go out to dinner with one about every two weeks. I have a date on Monday, she said we should go to the Zoo, i told her it hurt me to see the animals so unhappy and asked if she would like to take the top off the car and drive over guardsman pass and eat dinner in Park City. She said it sounded wonderful. I asked her for some of her favorite music and I have downloaded it for the drive. I am trying to decide where to eat in PC, maybe El Chubosco. That place still makes me think of dany. She used to get every salsa and would have 15 to 20 cups to take with us. the funny joke was, "they wouldn't put them out if they didn't want me to take them."
The girl I am taking is Ellen, she is pretty cool and we get along great but she is a poly and I don't know if I can deal with that.
I also have been talking with a girl off of evow.com Kelly the nurse. she works at one of the emergency rooms and works graves. we have been talking about 2 months now and from the pictures she seems attractive, though being a ginger with tattoo's makes me think i am trying to find another Dany.
Though dany was not a real red head, her tattoo on her chest was probably one of the sexiest things I have ever seen. at first I just though it was interesting but after being with her that long, I fell in love with the artwork. I think I will get a tattoo in the next few months to mark this period in my life, and to mark the passing of the last part of my life.
I realize this is all aimless jabber but I want to start getting down what is happening to me in my daily life so I can one day look back and see how far I have come. I hope someday to be able to say I am stronger because of this. Funny part is that if i went back though my posts, i am sure the most activity i have is around every breakup i have had. Yeah I am a whiner. I can blame it this time on not having any outlets to get it off my chest but that is not completely true. I have Justin, though he is slowly going though what looks to be a divorce because he doesn't want kids and she does. Also I have Amanda, funny how our relationship has changed so much over the last 10 years. I broke her heart and here she is helping me deal with a broken heart. She is a good friend. Other then those two I don't really have anyone I would call a friend.
Justin is planning on moving back to Oregon when everything falls apart here, This makes me so very sad. I never realized how much his friendship would mean to me back 7 years ago when he started working at Aurant. He is the definitely the closest person in my life and we only see each other at work, and sometimes we do a boys night out with dinner and a movie.
Well i guess I might as well get to sleep. I find it funny that I prefer the sleep world though I have such a hard time going to bed.
I hope something turns around soon and that things do start getting better otherwise I don't see any reason to be around anymore.
I hope it happens soon.