Warning self pitty post
Finally broke up with Dany last night.
Wondering why I did it today. I realize we had lots of problems. I have never fought with a girlfriend as much as we fought but feeling pretty alone and dejected today. Shes broken off contact with me and I deserve it. I tend to feel shitty after and then try and apologize and make it up to her. This time i dont deserve or expect it.
Went to try and pick up my bag from her house but she wasn't there. left some flowers as a peace offering, she will probably just throw them away. All I wanted from her was to feel important. To feel like I mattered more then drinking or hanging out with her friends. When i asked her to chose that night she chose them. I understand, they are very important to her. I think i should have been better to my friends laity, don't really feel like I have anyone to go to. I am sure there are people that care about me and would give support but right now i feel about as alone as i ever have. i am so tire of being strong and dealing with the life i have created for myself. I so want to just go drink my sorrows away but I cant even do that. I know it wouldn't help but god it would be nice to not have to deal with the self loathing and loneliness i have right now.
Wondering why I did it today. I realize we had lots of problems. I have never fought with a girlfriend as much as we fought but feeling pretty alone and dejected today. Shes broken off contact with me and I deserve it. I tend to feel shitty after and then try and apologize and make it up to her. This time i dont deserve or expect it.
Went to try and pick up my bag from her house but she wasn't there. left some flowers as a peace offering, she will probably just throw them away. All I wanted from her was to feel important. To feel like I mattered more then drinking or hanging out with her friends. When i asked her to chose that night she chose them. I understand, they are very important to her. I think i should have been better to my friends laity, don't really feel like I have anyone to go to. I am sure there are people that care about me and would give support but right now i feel about as alone as i ever have. i am so tire of being strong and dealing with the life i have created for myself. I so want to just go drink my sorrows away but I cant even do that. I know it wouldn't help but god it would be nice to not have to deal with the self loathing and loneliness i have right now.