Wherever you are in the world, I’ll search for you.
It's been a while since I've written an entry. I should write them more often; I always want to write journal entries more often. It's bad habit that I only write them when I feel dreadful. My memory is so bad, and I'd like to remember the good things too. And the mundane things, I suppose, which is what comprises most of my life.
( i tried to make cookies and failed quite sadly )
( i tried to make cookies and failed quite sadly )
and you're not lazy. when i say that, it's mostly a joke, but if it's getting to you i'll stop saying it. you always seem to push through -- you procrastinate, but who doesn't? but you still get your stuff done, and it's always good -- better than good! you got into honours! and you're doing super well!
and i don't think this is running away, at all, or being lazy. you're taking time for yourself to heal, and that's really good and really important.
for your mom: explain it as best you can. the reason you're taking time away from classes is because you need time to grieve and process and don't feel like you can do your best. and you're going to spend the time taking care of yourself and writing and drawing because that's what you need right now. it'll be okay <3 kevin will be there too! and i'm like a tap away, always.
for inktober: you have that one drawing you did of me, and i don't think it was boring at all, but that's mainly because 1. you drew it and everything you draw is beautiful, and 2. it was of mE so i'm going to love it always regardless. you don't need to do dynamic poses. you don't need to do inktober. if you wanna draw mob, please please do omg. maybe draw ritsu. and sho. shoritsu. shoritsu doing ballet. there's your dynamic poses. (i'm kidding, mostly, draw whatever you want babes <3)
(do anything you want honestly, i just want to support whatever you feel like doing!)
(i realized it sounds like i'm just trying to offer solutions to everything like.. intj.. but it's just instinct. overall, you don't have to listen to anything i say. i'll support you no matter what -- just want you to take care of yourself and be happy. that's the most important thing. i was really worried about you before, but i'm glad you thought about your options and decided to let yourself heal and everything. i'm proud of you. i'd be proud of you regardless, though. remember that.)
this IS a small town where nothing really happens, and you're always welcome, just like my dad said. our house is pretty nice, except for the bathtub, that not even my dad managed to fix. idk we'll figure something out.
whether you want to stay for a day or a month, doesn't matter. i'm just happy when we get to spend time together <3 and this weekend will be good because i have no work, so it'll just be us chilling and lazing and generally doing nothing.
oh yeah, we don't have a couch yet? that's a thing. there's camping chairs, though. don't be surprised / disgusted, please.
in fact, you might hate it here and never want to come back -- it's mostly because my dad n stepmom are always gone and i don't have a car, so unable to get a couch lmao. also, living alone, i don't need a couch. we can cuddle on my bed, though. it's v nice. v soft. v covered in cat hair.
i'm leaving everything until friday night lmao. i'll make the house nice before you get here.
i mean it's never super gross because i'm a weird clean person, but.
this is getting super rambly, but anyway. i miss you a lot. i love you so much. i'm really happy you're taking care of yourself, whatever that entails. i'm glad you're coming up to see me, and hopefully you'll get to come up more, but even if not, i'm really glad we get this weekend <333
have a good day, sweetheart.
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(i like it when you try to offer solutions idk it shows you care and i get it and i just it makes me feel nice <333 we're both intj thinkin up solutions is comforting lol)
i dont care that u dont have a couch we'll just haveta cuddle on the bed a lot. we can chill in the living room and i can sit at ur feet and u can pet my hair or vice versa. either way i can't wait.
<33333
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