I can't escape her...
I just don't understand it. I got back from Hollywood today and slept before work and had one of the most intense dreams ever. She was there... her ex was there... I saw her for a second, walking away from me... I told her to wait. I wanted to talk to her. To find out how she feels... what really happened... but she just looked at me, turned around and kept walking. She looked so beautiful. I woke up feeling so sad. I almost cried on the way to work. How is it that 4 months later, she still has so much of a hold on me? How did she do it? I've never had anyone make me feel like this. Its like she owns my heart against my will. I tell myself I want it all to be over but my heart wants to scream back "It's her, it's only her I want..."
She probably is way over me and maybe even thinks I'm pathetic for still holding on. Maybe lost all respect for me. Maybe. But I still want to come home to her, paint her nails, watch her make sculptures in her little studio room...
I had two of the most amazing weekends of my life, in Tennessee and Hollywood. I got to interview famous voice actors, I even signed autographs myself! It was a great weekend for my ministry as well. And in Hollywood I won an award, made connections, and I got to be on live webcast TV. And I may even get to be a regular part of the show. Heck, I might even move to Hollywood. I don't know. But today all those thoughts got pushed away by that dream. It was so powerful. And I'm so damned lonely. And I didn't even do anything wrong for this to happen. I'm sorry to rant about this again friends... its just that my heart is screaming and hurting right now. I miss her so much. And I know I shouldn't.
She probably is way over me and maybe even thinks I'm pathetic for still holding on. Maybe lost all respect for me. Maybe. But I still want to come home to her, paint her nails, watch her make sculptures in her little studio room...
I had two of the most amazing weekends of my life, in Tennessee and Hollywood. I got to interview famous voice actors, I even signed autographs myself! It was a great weekend for my ministry as well. And in Hollywood I won an award, made connections, and I got to be on live webcast TV. And I may even get to be a regular part of the show. Heck, I might even move to Hollywood. I don't know. But today all those thoughts got pushed away by that dream. It was so powerful. And I'm so damned lonely. And I didn't even do anything wrong for this to happen. I'm sorry to rant about this again friends... its just that my heart is screaming and hurting right now. I miss her so much. And I know I shouldn't.