Dear Mr Weasley and Mr Potter, OWNED! Sincerely, Professor Snape.
Wow, I know someone on my friends list posted this [thanks eclecticrose!], but enough people on my list aren't on hers that I thought it worth it to repost. This is purely hilarious.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: the Abridged Version
A brief except, that must be saved for all posterity:
FRED: 'Dear Ron, Move it or all the good ones will be gone! Love, Fred.'
HARRY: Tell me about it, Cho and Cedric at one fell swoop.
RON: Who're you taking?
FRED: Angelina! If you're getting down, baby, I want it now, baby.
ANGELINA: You got it.
FRED: 'Dear Ron, OWNED! Love, Fred.'
RON: I need a woman. Harry, you're not a woman. Hermione, you are a woman!
HERMIONE: No kidding. A woman who has her a MAN.
RON: *splutter*
SNAPE: 'Dear Mr Weasley and Mr Potter, OWNED! Sincerely, Professor Snape.'
You know, I probably could have reduced that to the second to last Ron line on its own, but there's just something about Snape saying "OWNED!" that sets me to giggling.
Oh, and side note, my current music sucks. This was such a great song, utterly ruined by remaking it. Jon, I used to love you, but you'll rot in hell for this one.
EDIT: Oh, one more for good measure:
NEVILLE: I have dancin' feet.