(no subject)
It bothers me when I'm not hungry for long periods of time. I'm a stress-eater and have been for so long, I can no longer tell if I'm genuinely hungry until my stomach starts hurting (and even then, pain is such a constant in my life, it makes me doubt). So I ate regular meals yesterday, even tho I didn't feel like it, and ended up with a sick feeling so I skipped dinner. Today I'm not hungry and so just had chips earlier and some sunflower seeds this afternoon.
Bub always used to ask me if I was trying to starve myself if I missed a meal. I know that was less a realistic question and more a reflection of his insecurity (if I ate healthy or lost weight then I would look better and if I looked better then more guys would want me and *obviously* I would leave him). This has put into my head a little bit that there is something wrong if I don't eat.
I've also been continuing to lose weight, even tho my eating habits (frequency-wise) are within normal for me and I haven't been to the gym more than once a month in the last few months. That's the worrying part for me. I keep thinking of all the diseases and disorders that can cause a person to lose weight steadily without any other factors. I can't get too worked up about (no panic attacks) because my pain meds regulate that sort of thing, but I worry. Also, none of my clothes fit me anymore. Yay, objectively, but I can't go get all new clothes right now.
Looking back, I have lost 31 lbs since the beginning of the year, a total of 48 since Bub left. To get to my ideal I need to lose 38 more lbs; to get where my Dr says my weight should be, I have 73 (but I consider that weight to be ridiculous and I refuse to buy into a flawed system). So I'll keep on with my meds and better eating habits til I'm sure something is wrong, and try (really, I will. Probably) to get to the gym more often.
Bub always used to ask me if I was trying to starve myself if I missed a meal. I know that was less a realistic question and more a reflection of his insecurity (if I ate healthy or lost weight then I would look better and if I looked better then more guys would want me and *obviously* I would leave him). This has put into my head a little bit that there is something wrong if I don't eat.
I've also been continuing to lose weight, even tho my eating habits (frequency-wise) are within normal for me and I haven't been to the gym more than once a month in the last few months. That's the worrying part for me. I keep thinking of all the diseases and disorders that can cause a person to lose weight steadily without any other factors. I can't get too worked up about (no panic attacks) because my pain meds regulate that sort of thing, but I worry. Also, none of my clothes fit me anymore. Yay, objectively, but I can't go get all new clothes right now.
Looking back, I have lost 31 lbs since the beginning of the year, a total of 48 since Bub left. To get to my ideal I need to lose 38 more lbs; to get where my Dr says my weight should be, I have 73 (but I consider that weight to be ridiculous and I refuse to buy into a flawed system). So I'll keep on with my meds and better eating habits til I'm sure something is wrong, and try (really, I will. Probably) to get to the gym more often.