Cooking for the Family 1
Jensen’s students were touchingly supportive. When he arrived they were waiting for him, all of them, no one had boycotted. “Sorry I’m a little late. Let’s hope someday y’all are famous enough to have the media rudely push into your lives and make driving hazardous.” That got a chuckle and Leon raised his hand, “Yeah?”
“Should you be here, Professor Ackles?”
That sort of hurt because he’d always liked Leon. “Well, the university hasn’t fired me yet. And as I’d already handed in my resignation and told them that I wouldn’t be back next year because I’m going back to composing they’ll probably let me close out the semester.”
“No,” said Leon, “of course they won’t. They know they’ll have a protest of the whole music department. We like you too much for them to get away with that. I just meant, today. Don’t you have better things to do today?”
Jensen felt himself smile. “Well, I had thirty-four voice messages on my cell this morning but I’ve already called everyone back and assured them to get on with their days. Let’s just have class. As long as you’re all up to it?”
Everything was fine that day. And Jensen was just pleased that things went smoothly.
It was going pretty well, Jensen was proud that Jared hadn’t freaked out. The only big thing was that the paparazzi wouldn’t get off his lawn. They’d crowded close to his car as he’d pulled in from picking the boys up from school on Friday afternoon. He and Jamie were alone in the car. He’d parked and said, “I’m going to carry you in okay? I don’t want you getting knocked over.”
“I don’t like this, Daddy,” said Jamie.
“I know, baby. They’ll go away, forget about us once some other celebrity does something big.”
Jensen opened the door, pushing the photographers away calmly. Opening the back door, Jensen grabbed Jamie’s backpack and picked Jamie up. He saw it almost in slow motion, a TV camera on one side of him, TMZ or something, and a photographer on the other. He saw the photographer lean in, saw the moment he touched Jamie. Then it all sped up and went to hell as Jamie bit the guy, hard.
The guy screamed and pulled back shouting, “What the fuck?”
And Jamie screamed back, “You can’t touch me! That’s not allowed. You touched me so I bit you and that’s okay because I’m allowed to not be touched by strangers. And that’s a bad word that you don’t use and you owe my grandma a quarter.”
The guy just stood there and Jensen said, “Couldn’t have worded it any better myself. Get off my lawn. It’s private property. Stay on the sidewalk or I will call the police.” He pushed his way to the front door.
As he walked he heard someone say, “Like the cops will come for a fag.”
He shut the door hard behind himself, locking it. “Daddy, what does that word mean?”
“Well, Grandma would charge more than a quarter.” He sat down on the couch with Jamie in his lap and thought for a moment. “Some people think it’s wrong for two men to date, or two women to date. They think that only men and women can date each other. And that is a very mean word for a guy who likes other guys.”
“Are there mean words for girls who like other girls? Like Mommy?”
“Yeah, there’re words for that too.”
“But why?”
“They just don’t like it, don’t think it’s normal.”
“It’s not their business,” said Jamie sounding put out. “I like Jared.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s not nice of them. But we’re okay, they’re just words. And you took care of yourself and bit that guy so we’re okay.”
He cuddled closer to Jensen. “I want them to go away.”
“Me too,” Jensen just held Jamie quietly, allowing the boy to calm down. “But y’know what? Jared’s going to go to school with you no matter what they say. We don’t care what they say. None of them matter one iota. So don’t let them bother you.”
“I don’t want to go out for date night tonight.”
“Okay, what do you want to do?”
“Can we have chicken casserole, and go swimming, and watch Fox and the Hound?” Jensen nodded. “Do you want to go out? Am I a yellow belly?”
“No, baby, no. I understand why you don’t want to go out. Photographers can be overwhelming even when they aren’t being mean. Date night is ours, not other people’s. You’re plan sounds fun.” He stayed where he was, just holding Jamie. He pulled out his cell phone and said, “I’m gonna call the restaurant and cancel.” It was only a quick conversation. The woman at the other end didn’t ask for a reason.
As Jensen hung up Jamie said, “Sorry.”
“I like staying in with you just as much as I like going out with you.”
“Did you used to have this many people following you? When you were really famous?”
“More sometimes. But I think this will die down, baby.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not young and handsome anymore. Back then I was on covers of Bop, Tiger Beat, and J14 because I was so young and handsome. When I was little there weren’t too many paparazzi, because it was all classical music. But then when I was fifteen and I did a few pop CDs I got a lot of attention. And then I went touring for classical again and they went away. And then in college and after Mommy and I did some pop and that got attention, and then I composed for movies and they went away again. It’s all about how interested people are in you. And as Jared’s famous and I’m famous it’s made people interested again.”
“You’re the most handsome dad at the school.”
Jensen laughed, “More than Mr. Hawke?”
“Way more and he’s not in any good movies.”
Ethan Hawke had never made a kid friendly movie in his life. Jensen laughed again. “Want to cook?”
After that it was a pretty average quiet date night, it wasn’t the first time they’d stayed home for date night. There was a recipe for at home dates: simple dinner, eaten on the couch with a movie, and then swimming past normal bedtime. After Jamie was in bed Jensen made coffee and called Annie.
“I saw Jamie bite some dude on TV,” she said.
“He’s having a hard time with this. We had a pretty low-key night. He’s just stressed out by it all. Did you hear what someone said as we walked inside?”
“Yeah.”
“That started a whole conversation that I didn’t really want to have with my six year old.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“We just have to ride this out. It’ll be okay. How was your day?”
“Someone called me offering me one thousand bucks for my story as your scorned lover. They think because we hang out so much and I pick up the boys that I’m your bit on the side.”
“What did you say?”
“I shouted, ‘Fuck off,’ and hung up.”
That made him laugh, “Sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Well, I’m sorry you got pulled into this.”
“That’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m gonna have an early night.”
He called his parents-in-law, Mack, Josh, and Mom and Dad just to check in to see how they were. And then, after mutual assurance of fineness, he called Jared. Jared picked up on the first ring, “How was date night?” he asked.
“We didn’t go out, Jamie’s really freaked out by the paparazzi, we just cuddled with a movie and went swimming until bed.”
“Sounds nice. I’d give you a second date after that.”
Jensen chuckled, “How was your night?”
“Good for the most part went to see my parents. Momma and Daddy said hi, by the way.” Jared sighed. “Only problem was that I couldn’t go for a jog there’s too many of the fuckers around.”
“Yeah, they crowded the car and one of them touched Jamie.”
“Jesus.”
“Jamie bit him. He deserved it. But after that Jamie just didn’t want to leave the house.”
“Understandable.”
“I’m worried about him, how he’s dealing. I mean, I’m worried about you too, Jared, but you’re an adult.”
“I knew what would happen, maybe not to the true extent, but had an idea. Plus I’m big and strong and he’s little and scared.”
“Exactly.” He heard Jared yawn into the phone and said, “Wanna come over tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I have to go to JT’s in the morning, deal with some orders. But maybe around ten.”
“Yeah, we won’t be up yet. Jamie and I sleep late Saturday. Let yourself in and come back to bed?”
“Sounds great. I love you.”
“I love you too. Sleep well, Jay.”
“You too, Jen.”
It was late or early depending on point of view. Jensen felt the hand on his arm and, like any single parent, he woke up fast. “Jamie?”
“I had a nightmare.”
“Want to sleep with me?”
Jamie pulled back and burst into tears, “I wet my bed.”
Jensen sat up nodding, “That’s okay, it’s all okay. Ya had a nightmare, come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”
He brought Jamie into the bathroom, stripped him and cleaned him up, all the while reassuring him that it was all okay, that nightmares did that, that he had nothing to be ashamed of. On the way to Jamie’s room he threw the wet clothes into the washing machine. He redressed Jamie in clean PJs and stripped the bed. It wasn’t so unusual. After Tricia died Jamie had had a hard time, lots of nightmares and wet beds. The bed still had a rubber sheet under the mattress pad. He threw it all into the washing machine and started it going.
“Let’s have some milk and cookies.”
“I don’t want to wet the bed again.”
“You come sleep with me; I’ll keep the dreams away.” He washed his hands and poured them each a small glass of soy milk getting out lemon snaps. He pulled Jamie onto his lap and they ate, quietly. “Want to tell me?”
“I dreamt that they came inside, the people outside. They came into my room and took pictures.”
Jensen kissed his forehead and as they finished he said, “Come with me,” He took Jamie’s hand and led him to the front door, “See? It’s all locked,” then he looked out the side widow and pulled Jamie in front of him, “No one’s out there now, baby. They aren’t evil, just annoying. They would never break in here because I’ll beat them up and then they’ll go to jail. Come to bed.”
Softly Jamie said, “Can we sleep in Mommy’s bed?”
After Tricia had died he and Jamie had slept in Tricia’s bed off and on for about six months, Jamie had slept better in there, fewer accidents and nightmares. Jensen just nodded now and headed into Tricia’s room. It wasn’t dusty, it also wasn’t a shrine. Most of her clothes had gone to Annie, Mack, and assorted friends so had most of her stuff. There were some things, things he hadn’t been able to give up, her cello, her wedding dress and ring, a worn sweatshirt, her favorite stuffed toys. It wasn’t a monument to her because that would have been creepy; those things were packed away. The most important thing she’d ever had was holding his hand, living, breathing and safe. It was her room but it wasn’t like her bed was left unmade or her underwear was still on the floor. He’d been able to let go a little bit. But when he changed the bed sheets he’d sprayed her perfume on them for the first year… it had taken a while.
Pulling back the sheets they both fell into bed. Jensen wrapped his arm tightly around Jamie’s waist, the way he liked after a bad dream and they both fell back to sleep after not too long.
~~~
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