The Art of Not Dating 8
Outside they sat at Tom’s garden table. Jensen had helped Tom carry it from someone’s garbage eight blocks. Steve handed him a cigarette and lighter, “So like, you’re really here and shit.”
“Really here and shit,” agreed Jensen lighting the cigarette.
“I wanted to come and just like bang on your door until you were my friend again but Chris wouldn’t let me. He said you needed time and would come back when you were good and fuckin’ ready. So are you good and fuckin’ ready?”
“I’m not sure. But I’m here.”
“Will you play with us later?” Jensen smoked the cigarette and tried to think about it without showing his unease. “You can say no, I won’t even call you a pussy.”
Jensen shook his head, “I just haven’t done it in a long time. Steve, I-”
“Okay, totally, just think about it.”
“Thank you, it’s really good to see you.”
“Missed you, man.”
“You too, I’m glad Jared brought me.”
“Chris and Tom talked a lot about your dating situation and thought it best just to steer clear.”
“Yeah, they said. I think that was necessary.” They smoked in companionable silence and Jensen did math in his head. If he had one more glass of Voûte de Lumière Tombée he could be tipsy enough to play the piano in an hour and sober to drive in five. He finished the last of his second and dropped his dog end into the ashtray. “Where the fuck is LeAnn?”
“She said she’s too ugly to party right now her psoriasis is playing up.”
“Damn it, I wanted to see her. Y’know, getting back in the swing wanted to see everyone.”
“Overwhelmed at all?”
“A little but not so much as to run.”
~~~
Jared had lost track of Jensen and was kind of concerned until he heard him.
“She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love.” Jared practically ran to the living room to see Jason and Jensen singing. Jensen seemed really relaxed and easy. Once the song was over Jensen asked loudly, “So where’s the piano and what are we singing?” And Jared instantly understood that Jensen had applied too much social lubricant to his emotional unease.
Finding Tom in the crowd Jared made his way over and asked, “How drunk is he?”
“Shitfaced. Totally fucked,” said Tom.
“Can we crash here?” asked Jared just as Jensen announced that he needed to puke and rally.
“Yes.”
Jensen wandered over and said in a cheerful tone, “I’m off to purge. But later we need to talk. M’kay?” He leaned his head on Jared’s shoulder.
“Sure, go vomit.”
“Have I told you I’m in love with you?” he asked into Jared’s shirt.
“No, but you’re too gone to be taken seriously.” Jared stroked his back and then Jensen wandered off without another word. “Drunk!Jensen is sweet,” Jared observed but Tom looked worried.
“Drunk!Jen doesn’t say anything Sober!Jen would take back. You are serious about this, right?” Jared just nodded. “Good. Because I like you, bro: you’re Mike’s best friend, you’re cool, you’re dogs are nice to Cook. But I’m going to castrate you if you’re fucking about.”
Coming back still smiling Jensen saw that a keyboard had appeared and asked, “Come Around More Alabama or Mary Can You Come Outside?”
Later there were tons of ribs, and burgers, and Jensen saying, “The conversation I wanted to have can totally wait until the morning. It’s a nice subject: don’t freak out. But I want to be more articulate.”
When his cell phone rang he opened it and said, “I’m still at the party. Yeah, I know it’s almost one. Here, say hello to Jared’s friend Chris,” while passing off the phone.
Chris said, “Hey, Princess, how’s it going?” Her squeal was audible even standing a few feet from the phone and then he said, “Yeah we’re still on for lunch. Well, I couldn’t tell you because you tell Jen everything.” He wandered away with Jensen’s phone.
Jensen was too drunk to notice. Jared still listened to the conversation. Chris was speaking seriously and softly, “He played the piano with us, had fun doing it… Yeah I know, no it seems to be really working for him. Do you know what time he’s gotta pick up Jamie from Josh’s?… Cool I’ll pass it on to Jared… no he’s way too drunk they’re crashing here… Tom’s… yes, our Tom. You should come next time. It’s fun… excellent, see you Thursday.”
~~~
Jensen woke up in an unfamiliar bed, his tongue was dry but otherwise he had no hangover, he’d never been prone to them. Jared was breathing morning breath in his face and it reeked. Jensen was pleased with this as he didn’t trust anyone who woke up with sweet breath he thought it might be a sign that they’d sold their soul. The need to piss forced him to leave bed and
Jared made a softly protesting noise. Looking down he saw he was in boxers and his flute tee-shirt.
He found a new toothbrush waiting for him on the edge of the sink and when he went back to bed Jared was sitting up and blinking tiredly. “I’m going to start the conversation you wanted to have last night. Don’t interrupt unless I’m wrong, okay?” Jensen nodded while climbing back into bed. “You want to be seriously dating. But you need to talk to Jamie first because it’s big. And you’re unwilling to put him on the back burner because he’s your baby and the last really tangible part of Tricia. Which means that we would be hanging out at your place all time and it would be more like a serious, committed relationship than dating. And you want to clear out a drawer for me because you don’t really want to go slow, you want to partially move me in, and you want to buy dog food. And my schedule is crazy so a lot of nights I would be out until nine because of shooting the show. But you’re okay with that because you’re busy with your own stuff. And you’re sort of worried because I would be changing my diet and I’m obsessed with food. You’re worried that I’m going to come to resent Tricia because you’re always going to miss her. You’re also concerned that you’ve been pretty open about your life since you were outted and want to have a life with me that isn’t a dark secret while I’m still outwardly closeted.
“My half of the conversation would be admitting that I’m in love with you, and love Jamie, and don’t like dating as much as I like being in a relationship because it doesn’t require small talk it’s just becoming a part of a whole. I would tell you that I’m still going to eat whatever I like at work and shower before I come home, that I love you’re cooking and learning a new style. And the only thing I’ve ever going to resent about Tricia is that I didn’t get to know her because she’s Jamie’s mother, and you’re best friend, and she was lovely, and funny and I only get to see that in videos on YouTube. And while I’ve never gone public about my sexuality I’ve also never kept it a secret. And if the Food Network gets angry they can go fuck themselves because my cookware, recipe books, and endorsements, and DVDs have made me millions. And I see us being together for a very long time. Anything to add?”
“Last night I was happy, and drunk, and you haven’t seen that. And it proved to me that I need to hand in my resignation and leave at the end of the semester because I want to compose again. Music is fun again. And you haven’t seen me really happy and, y’know, I’m still mean and slightly cold but I’m bouncy, and sing a lot. Me happy is like me drunk. How are you going to react to your boyfriend being like that?”
“I’m going to be thrilled. I want everything. You need to pick Jamie up in two and a half hours so we should get the lead out so that we can go to my place and I can cook you a greasy breakfast and you can shower.”
“Sounds great.”
Jared moved to get out of bed, “I need to brush my teeth before I kiss you for the first time.”
“Fair enough. I need coffee. Meet me downstairs.”
In the kitchen Tommy was reading the paper and he looked up at Jensen and said, “Good for you, bro. You’re dating.”
“Yeah,” he said, “we really are.”
The End
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