My end of year post
Not that I do this every year or anything but I felt the need to write out somethings about 2008 that I want to leave in 2008 and things that I hope come into my life in 2009.
What happened in 2008 that I want to stay in 2008:
* Family trauma. My family has been through a lot this year. Mind you I realize very clearly that loosing a family home and subsequently having all members of said family migrate out to far off places is not the most traumatic of traumas but for my family - who is very close - it has been really tough.
* Major moving. I realize that I will have to move in May but I don't think it will be nearly as difficult as it was moving the whole damn family home.
* Living life on pause. As much as I love my family I have recently come to realize that while I was living with them I was in such a state of comfort that I kinda put up with the rest of my life kind of sucking completely. I think I'm already on my way to improving my life - socially at least. I will also need to work on my life career wise but that's for my 2009 list.
* Any regret from quitting my job in Michigan and moving to Chicago. Considering that I was not able to get work doing anything seasonal like I thought I would be able to as a last resort I feel I have been more optimistic than pessimistic. However, it is really really hard to not second guess myself and to not think about what my old boss said when I told her that we were losing the house and having to move, "At least you have a secure job." I also know that they were not doing well as a business when I left and that there was no guarantee that I would have still had a job but that regret still creeps in with every rejection from companies I apply to.
<>b* Fear. I have issues with anxiety which basically stems from a deep-seated issue with fear. I was raised on fear and yes fear has kept me safe more times than not but I am kind of sick of fear in general and feel that my fear is something that I don't need anymore to stay safe - I'm old enough to know what's what.
What I want to see happen in 2009 that I didn't see in 2008:
* Date. I really haven't done much dating at all since 2005. I get that a certain person kinda screwed me up from trusting anyone who'd ever be interested in me first, but I think I need to just embrace my aries nature and just go for the people I like which I kind of do anyway.
* Career. I'd like to figure out what I'd like to do to get further in my career. I want to know if doing the Inner City Teaching Corps in Chicago is what I need to be doing and if not WHAT?!? Do I embrace going freelance and teaching ESL at 3-5 different schools with no health benefits? Just writing that makes me feel nervous and scared and I don't know if that's fear showing its ugly head or my subconscious telling me I need to get my career going.
* Body. I need to work on my diet in a way that incorporates more veggies just cause I tend not to cook a lot of veggies for just me. I need to buy more Bollywood Body DVD's and really make exercise a part of my life. This is not a vanity thing - this is me just knowing I will feel better and sleep better if I make this change. Although I do know that I need to get over my poor body image which is another thing keeping me from dating anyone. I'm hoping distance from my dear mother (who adds to my poor self image) and the fact that a lot of chicks of my size in this city are walking around on the arm of rather attractive men will help in this quest.
* Travel. I need to get out and see people. I know I won't have money or time for a while in 2009 but if I can make one trip aside from going to Michigan to see family and friends I need to. I'd like to go to Japan if my dear friend Miho has her wedding but then again I'm not sure I'll be able to afford it.
* Music. I'm on the fence about trying to find another band or not. I have to say I love performing and I love practicing but I was SO spoiled with my last band and I don't think I'd ever find the kind of collaborative relationship I had before. Perhaps I'll just need to find a band to be friends with or find a venue with lots of great live music to frequent. All I know is now that I'm in the city I have the chance to go music crazy and I need to make sure I take advantage of that!!
What happened in 2008 that I want to stay in 2008:
* Family trauma. My family has been through a lot this year. Mind you I realize very clearly that loosing a family home and subsequently having all members of said family migrate out to far off places is not the most traumatic of traumas but for my family - who is very close - it has been really tough.
* Major moving. I realize that I will have to move in May but I don't think it will be nearly as difficult as it was moving the whole damn family home.
* Living life on pause. As much as I love my family I have recently come to realize that while I was living with them I was in such a state of comfort that I kinda put up with the rest of my life kind of sucking completely. I think I'm already on my way to improving my life - socially at least. I will also need to work on my life career wise but that's for my 2009 list.
* Any regret from quitting my job in Michigan and moving to Chicago. Considering that I was not able to get work doing anything seasonal like I thought I would be able to as a last resort I feel I have been more optimistic than pessimistic. However, it is really really hard to not second guess myself and to not think about what my old boss said when I told her that we were losing the house and having to move, "At least you have a secure job." I also know that they were not doing well as a business when I left and that there was no guarantee that I would have still had a job but that regret still creeps in with every rejection from companies I apply to.
<>b* Fear. I have issues with anxiety which basically stems from a deep-seated issue with fear. I was raised on fear and yes fear has kept me safe more times than not but I am kind of sick of fear in general and feel that my fear is something that I don't need anymore to stay safe - I'm old enough to know what's what.
What I want to see happen in 2009 that I didn't see in 2008:
* Date. I really haven't done much dating at all since 2005. I get that a certain person kinda screwed me up from trusting anyone who'd ever be interested in me first, but I think I need to just embrace my aries nature and just go for the people I like which I kind of do anyway.
* Career. I'd like to figure out what I'd like to do to get further in my career. I want to know if doing the Inner City Teaching Corps in Chicago is what I need to be doing and if not WHAT?!? Do I embrace going freelance and teaching ESL at 3-5 different schools with no health benefits? Just writing that makes me feel nervous and scared and I don't know if that's fear showing its ugly head or my subconscious telling me I need to get my career going.
* Body. I need to work on my diet in a way that incorporates more veggies just cause I tend not to cook a lot of veggies for just me. I need to buy more Bollywood Body DVD's and really make exercise a part of my life. This is not a vanity thing - this is me just knowing I will feel better and sleep better if I make this change. Although I do know that I need to get over my poor body image which is another thing keeping me from dating anyone. I'm hoping distance from my dear mother (who adds to my poor self image) and the fact that a lot of chicks of my size in this city are walking around on the arm of rather attractive men will help in this quest.
* Travel. I need to get out and see people. I know I won't have money or time for a while in 2009 but if I can make one trip aside from going to Michigan to see family and friends I need to. I'd like to go to Japan if my dear friend Miho has her wedding but then again I'm not sure I'll be able to afford it.
* Music. I'm on the fence about trying to find another band or not. I have to say I love performing and I love practicing but I was SO spoiled with my last band and I don't think I'd ever find the kind of collaborative relationship I had before. Perhaps I'll just need to find a band to be friends with or find a venue with lots of great live music to frequent. All I know is now that I'm in the city I have the chance to go music crazy and I need to make sure I take advantage of that!!