Dec 20, 2008 04:34
Can't sleep. Very very tired but cannot sleep. Not sure why. Perhaps its the feeling of uselessness that has kinda seeped in - which sucks since in my last post I seemed to be dealing with this whole joblessness well. It might have something to do with not having much of a social network here. I have friends, but I don't have people I get to see everyday and or a place I can go where I will more than likely run into someone I know. Yes, all of those things take time but still part of me yearns for the kind of courage I had in Japan where I'd just go to a bar by myself (noted it was usually a bar someone I knew owned) and would end up out 'til dawn with just-made friends. I know some of this sleeplessness is because I can't pay a friend money I'd really like to since he's letting me live in his apartment while he's away. Yes, I know he's got it REAL good and if things get tough for him money wise he does have a very very very large safety net while I don't even have a goldfish net, BUT my pride is making me feel like a royal choad for not being able to give him money... I just want to have my life already started here which is insane since that is not how change works. There is always a transition, but I have never been good at waiting to get what I want.
insomnia