(no subject)
I'm an idiot. I'm so stupid. i have to stop being like this. Because all that really happens is I get hurt. I always seem to get hurt especially when I do things for him. Its so stupid. He doesn't get it. He never has. He just doesn't get it. What am I doing to myself? I'm just dying on the inside. When I think I'm healing the same damn thing happens all over. I don't ask for this to happen. I don't think it will happen. I don't know. I'm just an idiot. That's all. Its cuz I care too much. Way too much. I guess I need to stop doing that. Who would've thought it be like that. That I'd care to the point that it was too much. Who knew. Especially with something like this. I just cared too much for my own good. I care too much about you. Sorry. For being so loving. Sorry for loving you too much. It obviously didn't do good as I hoped. I'm so stupid for loving you as much as I do. That's what you get Niki. That's what you get for loving people. You're dumb. And yet you still don't learn do you? And you keep loving these people that you think will love you just as much. And care for you the way you care for them. And treat you the way you treat them. You're fucking stupid. Who cares ? No one. I should do that. Just stop giving a fuck about everything. Whatever it. And maybe I should start showing the people that have cared for me for as long as I can remember that I care for them. Instead of always putting them second next to .... I don't even know. Someones love that doesn't compare to theirs. I just don't know. A dog is all I need. He would love me as much as I love him or maybe even more. Hed listen to me and make me smile. He always be there for me. And try so hard to not make me angry or upset.
I'm just stupid. Simple.
I'm just stupid. Simple.