No one knows my name.
I wanted to write this but I wasn't sure how to start it.
I'm very detached from my family now.
I try to cling on to the little bit of relationship that I may even have with them. It's me calling my father now, asking if HE would like to go to lunch with me. I'm working, my mother isn't. I clean, a select few others do not. I leave the house constantly, they complain when I am not home. When I am home, I'm just too lazy or I'm suffocating. My mother got me this job, promising me that I would always have a way to get there. Today was Archie's day off, and when I told him I had to work at four, he said okay. He then asked me what other days I was working this week, and I told him that I wasn't sure because I was supposed to see the schedule today. He began to tell me that I needed to know these things right now and I told him that I couldn't learn until I went in. My mother piped in and asked what Archie was bugging me about, and I didn't answer. They started to tiff over my work hours, and then Archie proceeded to call me irresponsible and selfish. I apparently ruined his day off because he had 'plans', even though after dropping me off he simply came home and slept.
My mother occasionally sticks up for me, but being the hypochondriac she is, she didn't really care. The drive to work was scary and intimidating, considering the fact that he did everything in his power to drive recklessly in the rain, and then drop me off in an angry fit that actually happened to be entirely silent. He came to pick me up, I got in the truck and he has the AC on full blast. While trying to freeze me to death, he continues to give me the silent-anger treatment and I merely texted and proceeded to ignore him.
My mother grows irritated because I do not have very many hours to work yet, and will not until school starts. She says that I must replace the fuel pump for the HD, buy my sister new school clothes for this year and also make the down payment on the new truck or vehicle she plans on getting so that I may keep the Z71. I understand the down payment, but everything else is kind of ridiculous.
But I'm still selfish, a bitch, a whore, anything...really, for some reason.
I got this job for my mother. I'm doing what they want me to do and even though I try my best, they still get angry without real reason. Screaming is just a way for a family to function. Something always being wrong is pretty natural. It's okay to argue and call each other the things you do, it's just how things are. I used to think that this was simply the way that families worked and all that jazz, but the more I hang out with Nolan or Paul, I can see otherwise. When I use the excuse, 'well, there is nothing that I can do about that', they just shrug me off. I understand, though. I don't blame them. What girl is stupid enough to even try and rebuild something as stable as a house of cards?
Nolan practically hates my entire family. Paul has no real preference. Melissa doesn't care anymore.
I'm starting to wonder if I even do.
Even my dad asked me why I let my family do what I do.
I just looked at him and shrugged, but thought that he fit into the category that everyone else did.
So now I find myself relatively apathetic towards the whole problem. I don't care so much what my family thinks of me, or what they have to say to me. No matter how angry they are with me or how horrible they may think I am, I will simply act like I always do because...in all honesty,
that's what pisses them off the most. They can't make me cry, nor can they make me angry. They have yet to make me scream or shed a single tear this past month. When I think about all of it, I find myself proud...but only I would be proud of such a small and absurd achievement.
Though I know, I know very well that anything they say to me hurts way deep down, and sometimes I have the most hateful and sinister thoughts, they will never know this.
The sad thing is, the only person that can really upset me with the simplest glare or comment is the one that I love the most.
I'm very detached from my family now.
I try to cling on to the little bit of relationship that I may even have with them. It's me calling my father now, asking if HE would like to go to lunch with me. I'm working, my mother isn't. I clean, a select few others do not. I leave the house constantly, they complain when I am not home. When I am home, I'm just too lazy or I'm suffocating. My mother got me this job, promising me that I would always have a way to get there. Today was Archie's day off, and when I told him I had to work at four, he said okay. He then asked me what other days I was working this week, and I told him that I wasn't sure because I was supposed to see the schedule today. He began to tell me that I needed to know these things right now and I told him that I couldn't learn until I went in. My mother piped in and asked what Archie was bugging me about, and I didn't answer. They started to tiff over my work hours, and then Archie proceeded to call me irresponsible and selfish. I apparently ruined his day off because he had 'plans', even though after dropping me off he simply came home and slept.
My mother occasionally sticks up for me, but being the hypochondriac she is, she didn't really care. The drive to work was scary and intimidating, considering the fact that he did everything in his power to drive recklessly in the rain, and then drop me off in an angry fit that actually happened to be entirely silent. He came to pick me up, I got in the truck and he has the AC on full blast. While trying to freeze me to death, he continues to give me the silent-anger treatment and I merely texted and proceeded to ignore him.
My mother grows irritated because I do not have very many hours to work yet, and will not until school starts. She says that I must replace the fuel pump for the HD, buy my sister new school clothes for this year and also make the down payment on the new truck or vehicle she plans on getting so that I may keep the Z71. I understand the down payment, but everything else is kind of ridiculous.
But I'm still selfish, a bitch, a whore, anything...really, for some reason.
I got this job for my mother. I'm doing what they want me to do and even though I try my best, they still get angry without real reason. Screaming is just a way for a family to function. Something always being wrong is pretty natural. It's okay to argue and call each other the things you do, it's just how things are. I used to think that this was simply the way that families worked and all that jazz, but the more I hang out with Nolan or Paul, I can see otherwise. When I use the excuse, 'well, there is nothing that I can do about that', they just shrug me off. I understand, though. I don't blame them. What girl is stupid enough to even try and rebuild something as stable as a house of cards?
Nolan practically hates my entire family. Paul has no real preference. Melissa doesn't care anymore.
I'm starting to wonder if I even do.
Even my dad asked me why I let my family do what I do.
I just looked at him and shrugged, but thought that he fit into the category that everyone else did.
So now I find myself relatively apathetic towards the whole problem. I don't care so much what my family thinks of me, or what they have to say to me. No matter how angry they are with me or how horrible they may think I am, I will simply act like I always do because...in all honesty,
that's what pisses them off the most. They can't make me cry, nor can they make me angry. They have yet to make me scream or shed a single tear this past month. When I think about all of it, I find myself proud...but only I would be proud of such a small and absurd achievement.
Though I know, I know very well that anything they say to me hurts way deep down, and sometimes I have the most hateful and sinister thoughts, they will never know this.
The sad thing is, the only person that can really upset me with the simplest glare or comment is the one that I love the most.