Pissed
Had an arguement with my mom and you won't believe the reason. My room needing to be clean even though there wasn't much to do, she actually said that it had been clean in 2 years. For real mom? The most recent time that I've cleaned it was last month. And she said that for years she's tried to so called "help" me by buying me clothes that would magically make me feel as if I were a better person. It's not that I don't appreciate what she's done but doing that was NOT helping me especially when it came to my weight, now I'm that big but there is a slight chance that I could get diabetes. (Which I hope I don't) To piss me off even more she had the audacity to say that I needed a stupid counselor. I don't need someone to tell me how to live my life. Plus I know that I have a lot of free time but there's barely anything to do here, I could literally do half or all of my chores in one day. I also had to take down my posters just because I'm 20 years old. There are people my age and older who have dozens of posters on their walls not to mention they have way more toys than I do so that makes no sense. So just because I'm 20 I shouldn't watch cartoons, have posters on my wall, have a car, a job, a house of my own, a boyfriend and all that crap! And I feel as if I'm supposed to be perfect because my mom seems to think that everything would be better if I had all that stuff that I just mentioned plus be skinny as a stick. She really has not done anything to help me besides buy clothes. And she says I don't respect her? I clean her freaking bathroom for f*cks sake. Plus my parents are always praising my brother but when I try to change myself and do better no one ever notices so why the hell should I even try? I even fantasied about jumping out my second story window or drinking an over dose of the many medicines that we have in our cabinet. I'm sick and tired of being treated with disrespect as if I don't do anything around this house I might as well just kill myself because I know that I'm not going to be any good anyway. I have no special talents at all so what's the point of living? It feels like a huge chore to me.