(no subject)
I've been trying so hard to fix myself. To do good things for myself and get better, but it's like every time I try something happens and I collapse. Ugh. After my history class today I was feeling really crappy and decided not to go sit through my math class since it is so incredibly easy anyway. I went to the fitness center and got a membership so that I will actually make myself go work out. Les and I were going to work out together, but I don't think this is actually going to happen. I was kind of frustrated, but I think I'll get up the courage to go work out by myself next week. It makes me nervous. I don't want to be alone. I was begging Joe to join the fitness center as well, but he refuses. It's like GAH. I just want to work out. I'm sad Joe won't because it would benefit him a lot, he's out of shape - not fat, but out of shape from all that fast food he eats every day for lunch. Gram said she'd work out with me since she's been looking for a place to work out, but I seriously doubt she'd ever actually do it. Hmmm. There was a girl at work, Corey, who said she wanted to work out there too. Maybe her and I could get together. I like her a lot and she was going to check into the fitness center the other day, but then something came up and she didn't get a chance. I'll have to tell her about it now. I'm thinking she's my only other chance. God. I'm just trying so hard to do good things for my peace of mind and body.
When I got home from school I went for a run/walk. I half ran/ half walked a mile. It felt good. I had my mp3 player going to really loud, techno music. It was really cold out though, but after I had been running for a while it felt better.
I'm starting to look forward to seeing Ann next week. I was stressing out over it because I didn't feel like I really needed it, but on further thought I do. I'm falling apart and I just need to talk to someone who know's what's going on inside of my head. She'll be able to give me some advice and help me work through my tangible problems.
I can do it.
When I got home from school I went for a run/walk. I half ran/ half walked a mile. It felt good. I had my mp3 player going to really loud, techno music. It was really cold out though, but after I had been running for a while it felt better.
I'm starting to look forward to seeing Ann next week. I was stressing out over it because I didn't feel like I really needed it, but on further thought I do. I'm falling apart and I just need to talk to someone who know's what's going on inside of my head. She'll be able to give me some advice and help me work through my tangible problems.
I can do it.