life is great ~
I’m in great mood today. I weighted at 90kg. I’m so freaking happy. Never thought I can feel this good to be in 90kg. I can see changes in myself already, I more energetic and less hungry. Being more energetic means a lot to me, I can move around, don’t feel tired anymore. Yesterday, Ain send facebook msg, she say how sorry she is to shout at me and explain why she being like that. What really makes my day is her words “because you are the only sister I have, I don’t want anything happen to you”. I already imagine what kind a style I want to wear. This feeling is so good I hope it’s would last for long. 7 July 2011
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Today is another great day.. He called my sisters yesterday. But he didn’t call me. Why he didn’t call me? He doesn’t have my number. How come he doesn’t have my number? He didn’t even bother to get one, not from my sisters or anything. I’m really upset. I can’t help to wandering who am I to him? Am I just a friend, best friend, or just acquaintance? While I making fool of myself keep thinking about him, he doesn’t even recognize me as a friend. This is negative right? I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Of coz, I shouldn’t have any hope in this feeling. I should have good memories and feel grateful to have this feeling again. But, it’s hurt. Feel like my heart going to burst. I really want to know what I am to him. Whatever happens meant to happen and whatever going to happen will happen. Again, what a great day today. 08 July 2011
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Last Friday and Saturday is hectic and kinda full with unexpected thing, yes, more excitement, and little bit twist from my normal life. It’s fun to have changes. We also trap in long jam for more than one hour. But the rest are fine. We manage to bring back answer paper and get back home safely. I’m drop dead tired when I reach home and spend the rest of the day and the day after in bed. There goes my precious Sunday. This morning I dream of him. In my dream, we being playful, more intimate then just being “friend”. I’m so sad after I wake up. Its ruin my mood today. I miss him. I feel more upset because I know he have no feeling for me, more over I’m not even in his friend list. After watch the “lie to me” and “acoustic” yesterday night I was thinking about him, and suddenly the memories we have it’s almost seems to be blur, I can’t remember & feel much about him. So, I decided maybe its time to let him go. I thought since the feeling also gone, no point of thinking much about him. And there come this dream, remind me of him and how I feel about him. I don’t know what else I have to do now. There is another thing I realized this morning. I keep on saying how boring my life could be; I should stop with complaining and depressing over thing. I should find something that can feel up my life, apart from finding right guy, I still don’t have any plan yet. Diana really good when she talking and managing issue. She is really capable on doin anything. I’m on the other hand lacking of lot of thing. I believe I’m also capable on doin a lot of thing, my ex-bos used to say that. And so, I don’t have confident like her. Of coz, I shouldn’t be comparing. She seems like have a lot more confident. I lacking of this from the beginning. Sometime, I have a lot of confident and sometime otherwise. I do want to appear perfect in front of everyone. No matter whom the person is I will be confident enough and I won’t let anyone down. The new me right? Yeah! The better me. So, I will start with change the attitude, and start learning, improving myself. 11 July 2011
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Around 10 pm I started to feel sleepy and headache. I didn’t go to gym. But feel much better. I still have to figure it out my passion. I’m starting to learn Korean and to read fanfic again; I have to improve my English as well my Korean. I also checking on my UBS system, I have to make sure this thing can be use before end of this year. I guess I have lot more to do. At least this thing can feel up my life temporally. New passion? Reading more books?..im on my way for new transformation, so I more interested on type of clothes, bag, accessories, heels & make up. Probably Charles & Keith, Vincci & G market online shop. Soon, I’m gonna take back my car, starting to drive. It’s easier for me to move around. As much I love to take LRT and other public transport, I really can save time If I driving. Good luck on obtaining my license, I wish I can get thru in one attempt. 12 July 2011.
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I skipped gym for 5 day in the row. But I’m feeling better & still more energetic. I’m more concern about my weight, scared I will put on weight again. I don’t need to be afraid right? im not in diet mode and not in yoyo diet anymore. Yesterday I was already on the way to the gym, Ain call me to get back home, because she wish we can eat dinner together. I happy to hear that. Nothing more important than my family. And once I reach home, we talk about our plan to open business. I feel like we back to old times like before when we sit down and talk about future. She has a great idea. I wish we can do something about it. Sooner is better. But not rushing into something. Talking about love, again I realized how much I changed my perspective over certain things. Love and guys especially. The thinking of having feeling for someone special and not just anyone, I’m more confident I will find that certain someone and everything will happen naturally. So, I’m not seeking attention from anyone anymore and more concentrate on being me. When I notice new thing about myself, getting known myself better, it’s weird to say you not knowing yourself that much, but that the truth. When I find something new, it’s interesting and I enjoyed every moment of it. 13 July 2011
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We fought again. This time is my mistake. I unintentionally shout at Jasmin in front of her crush. I don’t know why I did that. Feel sorry for her. I feel hurt too. Ain is being rude again. She said she being tolerate to me all the time, I don’t know in which way she being tolerate. Every time there is issue, mostly if is my mistake, she will point It out in rudest way possible, shout and being rude just normal thing they can do to me. I just wonder why she can’t talk nicely to me. Whenever they make mistake, I have to be really careful to not hurt their feeling and explain to them what actually happen. And eventually will lead to fight. But at least I tried. She can be shouting at me all the time, no matter what the reason. I can’t do the same. What kind of rules been applied here? Being respectful or rude to the person, this feeling should come naturally; I can’t really find any reason for not being respectful to a person. She even says she has respect enough. Ouch. Hurt. They are goin to do same thing again. And apologize without knowing how much it hurt me. Or what they fault is. 14 July 2011
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Min & Ain apologize to me. They talk to me like nothing happen the day before. I pretty much still hurt by what happen. So, I’m goin back to be the “cold” me. I can do it.
I talked to my ex bf. He said he waited for me, he can’t forget me. And I say I don’t want to have relationship now. It’s a lie. I am saying that because I don’t want my ex to have any hope for me. But, I do want to have relationship. To whom I have feeling with. I have feeling for him. This is really killing me. I don’t even sure what is the feeling I have for him. But I miss him. 15 July 2011
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I keep on thinking what my feeling for him is, am I missing him or it’s just because I want to have boyfriend so badly I might confused. I had this mixed feeling. But every time I think of him, our memories, my heart is aching. When I saw couple walking by, I realized how I want to have someone beside me now. I’m just simply lonely. Everything will be fine right? I will find this special someone who only belong to me.
I’m not feeling so tired, more energetic nowadays. But I get sleepy early. The latest I can stay awake is up to 11pm. This is a good sign. I can start to wake up early. Maybe 5am. I should start soon. Anything that good for my health must be a good effort to lose weight. My boss was telling me about her daughter school day, and I telling her my story, remind me of my school day and my teacher I dear the most. Ms Ng and Ms Ding who believe in me even when I had nothing. Who back me up without knowing what happened in my life. I miss them. I don’t know where they are now, but I’m really thankful to have these great people in my life. They give me confident to be who I’m now. 16 July 2011
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Today is another great day.. He called my sisters yesterday. But he didn’t call me. Why he didn’t call me? He doesn’t have my number. How come he doesn’t have my number? He didn’t even bother to get one, not from my sisters or anything. I’m really upset. I can’t help to wandering who am I to him? Am I just a friend, best friend, or just acquaintance? While I making fool of myself keep thinking about him, he doesn’t even recognize me as a friend. This is negative right? I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Of coz, I shouldn’t have any hope in this feeling. I should have good memories and feel grateful to have this feeling again. But, it’s hurt. Feel like my heart going to burst. I really want to know what I am to him. Whatever happens meant to happen and whatever going to happen will happen. Again, what a great day today. 08 July 2011
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Last Friday and Saturday is hectic and kinda full with unexpected thing, yes, more excitement, and little bit twist from my normal life. It’s fun to have changes. We also trap in long jam for more than one hour. But the rest are fine. We manage to bring back answer paper and get back home safely. I’m drop dead tired when I reach home and spend the rest of the day and the day after in bed. There goes my precious Sunday. This morning I dream of him. In my dream, we being playful, more intimate then just being “friend”. I’m so sad after I wake up. Its ruin my mood today. I miss him. I feel more upset because I know he have no feeling for me, more over I’m not even in his friend list. After watch the “lie to me” and “acoustic” yesterday night I was thinking about him, and suddenly the memories we have it’s almost seems to be blur, I can’t remember & feel much about him. So, I decided maybe its time to let him go. I thought since the feeling also gone, no point of thinking much about him. And there come this dream, remind me of him and how I feel about him. I don’t know what else I have to do now. There is another thing I realized this morning. I keep on saying how boring my life could be; I should stop with complaining and depressing over thing. I should find something that can feel up my life, apart from finding right guy, I still don’t have any plan yet. Diana really good when she talking and managing issue. She is really capable on doin anything. I’m on the other hand lacking of lot of thing. I believe I’m also capable on doin a lot of thing, my ex-bos used to say that. And so, I don’t have confident like her. Of coz, I shouldn’t be comparing. She seems like have a lot more confident. I lacking of this from the beginning. Sometime, I have a lot of confident and sometime otherwise. I do want to appear perfect in front of everyone. No matter whom the person is I will be confident enough and I won’t let anyone down. The new me right? Yeah! The better me. So, I will start with change the attitude, and start learning, improving myself. 11 July 2011
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Around 10 pm I started to feel sleepy and headache. I didn’t go to gym. But feel much better. I still have to figure it out my passion. I’m starting to learn Korean and to read fanfic again; I have to improve my English as well my Korean. I also checking on my UBS system, I have to make sure this thing can be use before end of this year. I guess I have lot more to do. At least this thing can feel up my life temporally. New passion? Reading more books?..im on my way for new transformation, so I more interested on type of clothes, bag, accessories, heels & make up. Probably Charles & Keith, Vincci & G market online shop. Soon, I’m gonna take back my car, starting to drive. It’s easier for me to move around. As much I love to take LRT and other public transport, I really can save time If I driving. Good luck on obtaining my license, I wish I can get thru in one attempt. 12 July 2011.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I skipped gym for 5 day in the row. But I’m feeling better & still more energetic. I’m more concern about my weight, scared I will put on weight again. I don’t need to be afraid right? im not in diet mode and not in yoyo diet anymore. Yesterday I was already on the way to the gym, Ain call me to get back home, because she wish we can eat dinner together. I happy to hear that. Nothing more important than my family. And once I reach home, we talk about our plan to open business. I feel like we back to old times like before when we sit down and talk about future. She has a great idea. I wish we can do something about it. Sooner is better. But not rushing into something. Talking about love, again I realized how much I changed my perspective over certain things. Love and guys especially. The thinking of having feeling for someone special and not just anyone, I’m more confident I will find that certain someone and everything will happen naturally. So, I’m not seeking attention from anyone anymore and more concentrate on being me. When I notice new thing about myself, getting known myself better, it’s weird to say you not knowing yourself that much, but that the truth. When I find something new, it’s interesting and I enjoyed every moment of it. 13 July 2011
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We fought again. This time is my mistake. I unintentionally shout at Jasmin in front of her crush. I don’t know why I did that. Feel sorry for her. I feel hurt too. Ain is being rude again. She said she being tolerate to me all the time, I don’t know in which way she being tolerate. Every time there is issue, mostly if is my mistake, she will point It out in rudest way possible, shout and being rude just normal thing they can do to me. I just wonder why she can’t talk nicely to me. Whenever they make mistake, I have to be really careful to not hurt their feeling and explain to them what actually happen. And eventually will lead to fight. But at least I tried. She can be shouting at me all the time, no matter what the reason. I can’t do the same. What kind of rules been applied here? Being respectful or rude to the person, this feeling should come naturally; I can’t really find any reason for not being respectful to a person. She even says she has respect enough. Ouch. Hurt. They are goin to do same thing again. And apologize without knowing how much it hurt me. Or what they fault is. 14 July 2011
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Min & Ain apologize to me. They talk to me like nothing happen the day before. I pretty much still hurt by what happen. So, I’m goin back to be the “cold” me. I can do it.
I talked to my ex bf. He said he waited for me, he can’t forget me. And I say I don’t want to have relationship now. It’s a lie. I am saying that because I don’t want my ex to have any hope for me. But, I do want to have relationship. To whom I have feeling with. I have feeling for him. This is really killing me. I don’t even sure what is the feeling I have for him. But I miss him. 15 July 2011
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I keep on thinking what my feeling for him is, am I missing him or it’s just because I want to have boyfriend so badly I might confused. I had this mixed feeling. But every time I think of him, our memories, my heart is aching. When I saw couple walking by, I realized how I want to have someone beside me now. I’m just simply lonely. Everything will be fine right? I will find this special someone who only belong to me.
I’m not feeling so tired, more energetic nowadays. But I get sleepy early. The latest I can stay awake is up to 11pm. This is a good sign. I can start to wake up early. Maybe 5am. I should start soon. Anything that good for my health must be a good effort to lose weight. My boss was telling me about her daughter school day, and I telling her my story, remind me of my school day and my teacher I dear the most. Ms Ng and Ms Ding who believe in me even when I had nothing. Who back me up without knowing what happened in my life. I miss them. I don’t know where they are now, but I’m really thankful to have these great people in my life. They give me confident to be who I’m now. 16 July 2011