Buster Olney and Jim Caple are my boyfriends, yo.
From The Great Baseball Classic Debate --
Buster: Don't get me wrong. Personally, I don't care whether a player participates. But the possibility of being deemed unpatriotic scares some players to death. That's why A-Rod is in his mess, because he cares so much about how he's perceived and doesn't want to be seen as dissin' the Dominican or the U.S. What will you think the first time a closer gets yanked in the middle of the ninth inning because of his pitch count?
Jim: A-Rod is in a mess only because he keeps saying such stupid things. No one else really cares whose uniform he wears; it's just that he keeps setting himself up for so many irresistible punch lines with his tortured, overwrought explanations. "Sports participation should only include the admiration and respect an athlete has for a nation and family.'' "I intend to play baseball only when I am dedicated to both.'' What's he going to say next? That he'll play, but he won't swing a bat at the old horsehide because he doesn't want to offend PETA?
Calm down, man. If you don't want to play, just say so and make room for someone else. We're choosing up sides for a baseball tournament, not a war. No one is going to question anyone's patriotism or say that the terrorists win if A-Rod doesn't show up (though the Bush administration might start eavesdropping on their infield chatter).
Buster: I think there is an excellent chance that as A-Rod plays for the U.S., he'll wear a cap that has the Dominican flag hand-stitched into the side, and the names of all Dominican leaders, past and present, written on the back of his shoes and underneath his cap.
Jim: That's funny. And sadly, probably not far off the mark.
Y'all, it's funny because it's true.
Buster: Don't get me wrong. Personally, I don't care whether a player participates. But the possibility of being deemed unpatriotic scares some players to death. That's why A-Rod is in his mess, because he cares so much about how he's perceived and doesn't want to be seen as dissin' the Dominican or the U.S. What will you think the first time a closer gets yanked in the middle of the ninth inning because of his pitch count?
Jim: A-Rod is in a mess only because he keeps saying such stupid things. No one else really cares whose uniform he wears; it's just that he keeps setting himself up for so many irresistible punch lines with his tortured, overwrought explanations. "Sports participation should only include the admiration and respect an athlete has for a nation and family.'' "I intend to play baseball only when I am dedicated to both.'' What's he going to say next? That he'll play, but he won't swing a bat at the old horsehide because he doesn't want to offend PETA?
Calm down, man. If you don't want to play, just say so and make room for someone else. We're choosing up sides for a baseball tournament, not a war. No one is going to question anyone's patriotism or say that the terrorists win if A-Rod doesn't show up (though the Bush administration might start eavesdropping on their infield chatter).
Buster: I think there is an excellent chance that as A-Rod plays for the U.S., he'll wear a cap that has the Dominican flag hand-stitched into the side, and the names of all Dominican leaders, past and present, written on the back of his shoes and underneath his cap.
Jim: That's funny. And sadly, probably not far off the mark.
Y'all, it's funny because it's true.