(no subject)
something really bad happened to me lately. Aralyn and Ian are the only ones who know about it. But just for the record, I'm laying off with all the sexual stuff. I'm sick and tired of getting scared of the thought of getting pregnant, having to be eager for my period to start, and all that non-fun stuff. I'm done.
All's I really want in a relationship, is to have someone that I can just cuddle up with, kiss and make-out without having to lead to sex. I just want to love and be loved for who I am, not by what I can do...I'm so scared of getting hurt again that I'm losing faith in ever being in a relationship with anyone. My trust for people is pretty strong, but when it comes to loving someone or more, I get scared and start to back off...and I feel like I'm making a fool of myself...
But I hate having to feel pain and being scared all the time. My trust in guys, isn't too great, for all of you who know why. Those who don't, too bad, maybe I'll tell you someday.
But anyways, I just don't want to...to be a mom right now...I wouldn't be too bothered if it happens like, right after I graduate, cause I'll have finished school and I'm not quite sure exactly what I want to do, for college and such. I'm still thinking whether or not if I still want to go. Things are so messed up for me right now, and I don't want it to be...
I want to have a normal life right now...I want to be able to talk to people and not feel all this pain and jealousy...I cry almost every single night, wondering when my life is going to get back on track.
I'm probally not making any sense right now...
I talked to a really great friend of mine for a while. He and I got some things across that are all cleared up now.
I think I might call Steve...I haven't talked to him since Oct, and I feel really bad about it...I miss him. He's a great person. He was actually the first person I had ever loved. He's such a sweetheart and he was the first boyfriend that never wanted me for my body. I'm not quite sure WHAT he saw in me, maybe I'll never know. If I still lived in merrimack, I'd probably would have asked him back out, in 10th grade or maybe even when I was single before.
But yah, Steve and I need to hang out sometime and catch up. I miss that kid so much...I miss all my friends in merrimack.
Well, I need to go now...toodles! Later dayz
from the oceans of healing pain and dried-up tears,
~Aylia~
All's I really want in a relationship, is to have someone that I can just cuddle up with, kiss and make-out without having to lead to sex. I just want to love and be loved for who I am, not by what I can do...I'm so scared of getting hurt again that I'm losing faith in ever being in a relationship with anyone. My trust for people is pretty strong, but when it comes to loving someone or more, I get scared and start to back off...and I feel like I'm making a fool of myself...
But I hate having to feel pain and being scared all the time. My trust in guys, isn't too great, for all of you who know why. Those who don't, too bad, maybe I'll tell you someday.
But anyways, I just don't want to...to be a mom right now...I wouldn't be too bothered if it happens like, right after I graduate, cause I'll have finished school and I'm not quite sure exactly what I want to do, for college and such. I'm still thinking whether or not if I still want to go. Things are so messed up for me right now, and I don't want it to be...
I want to have a normal life right now...I want to be able to talk to people and not feel all this pain and jealousy...I cry almost every single night, wondering when my life is going to get back on track.
I'm probally not making any sense right now...
I talked to a really great friend of mine for a while. He and I got some things across that are all cleared up now.
I think I might call Steve...I haven't talked to him since Oct, and I feel really bad about it...I miss him. He's a great person. He was actually the first person I had ever loved. He's such a sweetheart and he was the first boyfriend that never wanted me for my body. I'm not quite sure WHAT he saw in me, maybe I'll never know. If I still lived in merrimack, I'd probably would have asked him back out, in 10th grade or maybe even when I was single before.
But yah, Steve and I need to hang out sometime and catch up. I miss that kid so much...I miss all my friends in merrimack.
Well, I need to go now...toodles! Later dayz
from the oceans of healing pain and dried-up tears,
~Aylia~