Random stuff that comes together

[ayanna84]

My Aunt Sherry is in town for the week. Gods I love her, I'd always thought she should have been my mother instead. Classic case of being conceived in the wrong person -_-;. Ah well, I love her just the same. She and my Aunt Sarah (more like a sister, barely 12 years older) Took me to the mall on Saturday? I think it was saturday..I'm starting to lose track of what day it is..either way we went to the mall for lunch. Oh sweet greasy delights how I'd missed you..I haven't eaten fast food for ages..near 6 months now I think..course, that could be wrong I'm so terrible at remembering exactly how long it's been. Either way, I had A&W, ooh so greasily delicious.. *drools* Ah..back to the story..so we wandered around for a bit and Sherry bought me a pair of pants (Shiny, sexah, burgendy pants =D) It's sidewalk sale time so they were down to 15.99$ from 100$. Schweet deal. After a while I finally remembered to ask Sarah about signs of Diabetes, she was a nurse before she had Kiera, and I've heard her talk about it before. So either way, I pretty much fit the bill, and it runs in the family, great grandma Sarah had it. Sherry agreed to take me this week if I can get in, unfortunately I have a very busy doctor so I might not be able to get in. So here I am sitting here, waiting until they office opens so I don't forget later. I know I'll foprget to do it later. And Jesus fucking Christ, I don't want to dissapoint Tony, or make him worry, I hate doing that to people I care about and love. Gah, so basically i'm sitting here waiting. I was taking the stems out of mushrooms earlier and thinking about how nice it would be to make stuffed mushroom caps before I ate them...Take the stem out and you gotta use em. Besides, I don't have what I need to make stuffed mushrooms of any sort, I'll have to wait until ze check comes in. Maybe I'll get some Spinach and filo dough and make Spanakopa while I'm at it. Heh, it's odd, I'm not really Health concious, I just eat like I am most of the time, I'unno, I like raw vegetables, I love fruit, I don't eat a lot of salt and other than in coffee, tea and soda, not a lot of sugar either, I like tofu, I'll eat chicken over beef almost any day, hell, I haven't even been drinking deh booze at all for a few months, it seems odd but I don't miss it. I've been doing ok with not smoking, I just have to make it to when I go in and i'll be fine, I probably won't be allowed to roam freely for a few month anyway, so that screws any thought I may have of popping outside for a puff or two. And Tony, my love, Thank you. Thank you for not lecturing me on how I should stop, you've no idea how much I can't stand people doing that, in my experience it's only ever turned into whoever trying to control me, to tell me what to do all the time and force me to do it. I know it's bad for me, it's just hard to stop sometimes. Hard when they're right there, I shouldn't be around people who smoke, and with much perserverance I won't for the little time that's left. I just want it to come, to happen, to be done with. I want to be at least some semblance of healthy, I want the freedom to go where I want, when I want, no matter the weather. I can't stand being here in my apartment all the time, before any of this happened I was outside a lot. I used to run outside without shoes or socks just so I could splash in the puddles after it rained. I need freedom else it'll tear me apart, it almost did before. I want this damn trembling in my hands to stop! I want to be able to go on to school and become a chef, but god dammit it's just to fast paced for me to be able to slow down when I need to, I hear cutting one's finger off is bad. If it doesn't stop I don't know what I'll do. I refuse to be stuck in some job where I'm miserable. I'd breed bunnies but I'd want to keep them all =P. Maybe large scale snake breeding, who knows, i'd have to get liscensed for that scale though and I don't have a damn clue where or what I need to know before I'll even be considered. Maybe falconry? The only problem is I've only found one certification program and that's in England, then if I raise them I'd Have to live in the country, it's the law after all, well over here at least. God dammnit this is leading to too much thinking..thinking can be the worst thing for me sometimes, hate having all these bloody things to consider. Fuck! I still have to find a bunny and snake sitter, since it's unlikely that Evan will be coming to stay here, since the thing with Annie went boom. Eesh, it may just come down to pleading with my mother -_-. I'll have to try and think (Damn you neural pathways for doing your DAMN JOB!) of some other solutions first and excersise that as absolute, rock bottom, last.

Either way, I think I'ma run away now, call the doctors office and try to make a booking. Hopefully a wednesday slot will be free, Sherry wants to take me out again then anyway.

I love you Tony,
~Nat