(no subject)
I can't be sure that I will ever own the skills of delivery to say some things you ought to be frequently informed of to your face. But when you're not here to laugh at me, I can say them, and at least you have them on paper so you know what I'm thinking when I sneak peeps at you.
Really.
I love everything you are and everything you have ever been and everything you will be. I have never wanted anyone or thing more than you and I won't. (I considered Magnums before making this statement). Discovering you was alchemy. The best thing to happen to me by far and somehow I managed not to fuck up my life up to now by knowing the importance of it. I had a sense of it leading up to your last night in La Plagne, when after dinner I deliberated over whether I should ask you for your number as you left in case you wouldn't give it and I could laugh it off whilst feeling sad and embarrassed and you'd be away into the morning whilst I cleaned out the fridge. Or whether I should sneak upstairs to see if you were around somewhere and if I could lure you into a kiss with some freak elegance or Notting Hill orange juice moment. Looking back it seems outrageous that I considered these options so painstakingly before I knew the slightest detail about you, when there are so many, many amazing facets to you I never imagined fitting in one person let alone knew were all in you. I suppose I'm just lucky to be the shallow, determined kind who tracks a boy down on Facebook because he is well fit and likes my crusty old carrot cake. Maybe there was something more to it I'm too cynical to really know if I believe in.
The thing is, that although I love everything we do together right through to superficial trips to Aldi and all this grown up jazz, sometimes I just want to be somewhere quiet and beautiful with you and have your attention. Have us both as we would have been as kids with all the nervous excitement for love and none of the fear, so you can hang on my every word with and soak it in as I tell you just how much you mean to me and get you high on it.
I love having so much in common and how where we differ we compliment or are easy to compromise. I love having conversations with you and I love your laugh and your expressions and the way you kiss and fuck and argue with flailing arms and how you tell me you love me in your sleep and the freckles constellating your shoulders and your pretty hair and the dimples that form when you smile and the fact you have a folder on your laptop for all the cute animal pictures and goats you come across. It's all so goooood yet none of the things that can be put into words can be considered the catalyst. It's whatever it is about you that turned me into a freak social network stalker that year and makes me smile whenever I think about coming home for snuggles on our floor. The fact you exist and I found out about it and did something about it is a mind blowing equation and I need to remind you of this when you're not looking and can't poke fun at me for being a soppy emo, in case there was ever any doubt in your adorable head amidst the goats and puppies. You make someone who always struggled to feel content, feel ridic amounts of happy. And if I can do that for you in return there's nothing else I'd rather be good at.
Really.
I love everything you are and everything you have ever been and everything you will be. I have never wanted anyone or thing more than you and I won't. (I considered Magnums before making this statement). Discovering you was alchemy. The best thing to happen to me by far and somehow I managed not to fuck up my life up to now by knowing the importance of it. I had a sense of it leading up to your last night in La Plagne, when after dinner I deliberated over whether I should ask you for your number as you left in case you wouldn't give it and I could laugh it off whilst feeling sad and embarrassed and you'd be away into the morning whilst I cleaned out the fridge. Or whether I should sneak upstairs to see if you were around somewhere and if I could lure you into a kiss with some freak elegance or Notting Hill orange juice moment. Looking back it seems outrageous that I considered these options so painstakingly before I knew the slightest detail about you, when there are so many, many amazing facets to you I never imagined fitting in one person let alone knew were all in you. I suppose I'm just lucky to be the shallow, determined kind who tracks a boy down on Facebook because he is well fit and likes my crusty old carrot cake. Maybe there was something more to it I'm too cynical to really know if I believe in.
The thing is, that although I love everything we do together right through to superficial trips to Aldi and all this grown up jazz, sometimes I just want to be somewhere quiet and beautiful with you and have your attention. Have us both as we would have been as kids with all the nervous excitement for love and none of the fear, so you can hang on my every word with and soak it in as I tell you just how much you mean to me and get you high on it.
I love having so much in common and how where we differ we compliment or are easy to compromise. I love having conversations with you and I love your laugh and your expressions and the way you kiss and fuck and argue with flailing arms and how you tell me you love me in your sleep and the freckles constellating your shoulders and your pretty hair and the dimples that form when you smile and the fact you have a folder on your laptop for all the cute animal pictures and goats you come across. It's all so goooood yet none of the things that can be put into words can be considered the catalyst. It's whatever it is about you that turned me into a freak social network stalker that year and makes me smile whenever I think about coming home for snuggles on our floor. The fact you exist and I found out about it and did something about it is a mind blowing equation and I need to remind you of this when you're not looking and can't poke fun at me for being a soppy emo, in case there was ever any doubt in your adorable head amidst the goats and puppies. You make someone who always struggled to feel content, feel ridic amounts of happy. And if I can do that for you in return there's nothing else I'd rather be good at.