From a really, REALLY long time ago.... funny how it applies once again
Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I needed that.
Work is boring but sooooo busy all the time now. Mike, the owner, pulled me aside today and said that over summer, he wants to start giving me more responsibility. Like if he goes out of town, he thinks I could definitely take over as manager for that time. And probably after that too, until I leave.
Scary thing is, saying the last part of that sentence took my breath away. Until I leave. Until I'm gone. Until I move to Tampa. Until I start college. Until I don't come back.
My mom said that in the next couple weeks, we are going to go through all the stuff in my room and make a pile of things I'm bringing with me to put in my dorm room. How freaking heart wrenching. I know I'm going to break down and cry at least 10 times during that fun activity. I mean, it will be fun to go through all my old things and memories and in a way relive it all, but then again I have to leave so many things behind. Now even just the physical items, what about friendships, heartbreaks, love, jokes, hugs, kisses, everything?
Sure, I'll be back to visit. But I'm also sure it won't be as much as I wish I could. And no matter how much I hope things are exactly the same, they won't be. Most of my friends will be gone at their own colleges, or just in a different life after I'm gone. Not because I'm gone, but because that's how life works... people change.
How am I going to change? Am I ready to start this next step in my life at the age of 17? Will I be okay on my own at age 21? Will I be okay on my own for the next 4 years? Will my roomates and I get along? Will they become my best friends? Will I never forget college because it was so good? Will I honestly be able to do this? How strong am I really? How am I going to get through these next couple months...
So much to think about, so little answers. But honestly, I don't know if I really want all the answers to those. I want to experience it all and get through it on my own. I want to prove this to myself. I want to find the answers as they come to me. I want to just do this already.
But before that, I better concentrate on finishing high school.
I needed that.
Work is boring but sooooo busy all the time now. Mike, the owner, pulled me aside today and said that over summer, he wants to start giving me more responsibility. Like if he goes out of town, he thinks I could definitely take over as manager for that time. And probably after that too, until I leave.
Scary thing is, saying the last part of that sentence took my breath away. Until I leave. Until I'm gone. Until I move to Tampa. Until I start college. Until I don't come back.
My mom said that in the next couple weeks, we are going to go through all the stuff in my room and make a pile of things I'm bringing with me to put in my dorm room. How freaking heart wrenching. I know I'm going to break down and cry at least 10 times during that fun activity. I mean, it will be fun to go through all my old things and memories and in a way relive it all, but then again I have to leave so many things behind. Now even just the physical items, what about friendships, heartbreaks, love, jokes, hugs, kisses, everything?
Sure, I'll be back to visit. But I'm also sure it won't be as much as I wish I could. And no matter how much I hope things are exactly the same, they won't be. Most of my friends will be gone at their own colleges, or just in a different life after I'm gone. Not because I'm gone, but because that's how life works... people change.
How am I going to change? Am I ready to start this next step in my life at the age of 17? Will I be okay on my own at age 21? Will I be okay on my own for the next 4 years? Will my roomates and I get along? Will they become my best friends? Will I never forget college because it was so good? Will I honestly be able to do this? How strong am I really? How am I going to get through these next couple months...
So much to think about, so little answers. But honestly, I don't know if I really want all the answers to those. I want to experience it all and get through it on my own. I want to prove this to myself. I want to find the answers as they come to me. I want to just do this already.
But before that, I better concentrate on finishing high school.