i've been thinking.
tonight at youth group i talked to ann. i really am glad i did. she helped me so much about this whole deal. she made me think about if scott really was a christian or not. i never really thought about it til then. i just assumed. he is part of EAC. he goes to church and yg (well...used to) but still. it honestly scared me to the point i just broke down crying. i might not like the way he treated me. i might not like that he's done all this to MANY other girls. but i still care about him. God tells us we must love everyone. and i might hate what he did. but i still love him. and to think that scott might not be saved, REALLY scared me. it is SO terrifying to think that someone you love so much might not really know or have accepted Christ. so today, we broke off, by ourselves, to pray. just to have time with ME AND GOD. no one else. idk about any of you...but if you have ever had the feeling that God is holding you. it makes you cry. i'm sorry, but to think that MY creator has arms around me. his warmth and love surrounding me. there is no feeling like it. better than you can get from anyone. i prayed for me. i prayed for strength. i prayed for me to have patience, forgiveness, and love. i prayed for scott. battle cry is this weekend. i prayed that God would just open up my heart. open up scott's heart. let him be saved if he's not already. let him know God is there. hopefully change his lifestyle. maybe help him to realize that the track he is on, isnt the right one. you know, i never thought taht i could forgive him. and it will take time for me to heal. but i want him to know i love him. that i am praying for him. maybe he needs to hear it. he needs to know someone is there for him. because, i know, that right now scott is lost. he's confused about a lot of stuff in his life. hes told me. and i know that right now he's just getting worse. he isnt gonna come to church or yg because i am there. that's not the way he needs to act. he needs to be mature about the situation. i am forgiving him. it isnt easy. but it needs to be done. i hope he can forgive me. i hope he can still love me. not as a girlfriend or anything. but as a friend. i've really been confused about why all of this is happening. why i ever got involved with scott. how a guy like him could find me special...in ANY way. i still dont understand, because now i know that everything he said is just an act. he's used it before, and he'll use it again. but i've just praying for an answer to that. i hope that maybe i came into his life because God wanted me to help him. try to get him on the right track. i only pray that i DID help him. he doesnt have a very christian family- if one at all, and a lot of his friends aren't christians. so i hope. i PRAY that i did help him. and if not...idk what to say. i've done what i can. unless God shows me another way to help him. i hope he can help me too. and scott did teach me something. he taught me about life. that it's not always fair. he showed me that i have to be strong and not always let what other people think about me influence my life. he also showed me heartbreak. he showed me that love isn't always good to you. he showed me that despite how amazing things may seem, not everything is perfect. i want to thank him for a great time in my life. i want to thank him for being a great friend, boyfriend, and person. i just hope that he can become even better. i know that he has the potential for it. he's a strong person. with strong values. and a heart that's been through hell and back. if he puts all taht he has into God, he will be one of the most amazing people i know... so this weekend. i hope battle cry really moves him. as well as me. i need to keep my faith strong. especially at this time in my life. i need to give everything to jesus. i'll keep praying. i'll keep my heart, my ears, and my mind open to EVERYTHING God is trying to tell me. i hope that it's the same for scott. i know this will get better. God will do what he knows is right for every one of us.
♥ sammi
♥ sammi