Get Stabbed In The Heart Until You Bleed
Why is it that I feel so absolutely sick right now?
I only woke up an hour and a half ago after one of the longest dreams in recorded history (an hour and a half). To which I showered and then got along to cleaning my room some more. Something I should go back to doing this very second.
But you know. I have no fucking idea. Maybe I'm just pissed about a lot of things and it's really starting to make my stomach churn.
Let's just recap the beautiful reasons. I'll even make this entry public so everyone can fuck off.
First of all, I have my journal friends only for a reason. Why? Because I chose to make it so. If I wanted a public journal in which anyone and everyone could read what I was thinking then guess fucking what? I would make it public. Not that there truly is any reason for any of these thoughts to be private, because I really couldn't care less, but I guess it's just the thought of creepy old men perhaps reading my journal that turns me off. So it could be public. But it's not. So oh fucking well.
The point of a journal is to be able to vent about things. In fact, that's probably the entire reason it was invented to begin with. Not to create unnecessary drama, as it seems that those of the online sort tend to do. But why is it that this occurs? Because when people read something they feel inclined for one reason or another to go blab to someone else about this, that, and the other thing when truly they are completely igornant and uneducated to the matter. Yes that is right, unless you are truly part of it (which it so happens that you are not... and even then, you're not inclined to know exactly what the other people involved are thinking, so no matter what your point of view is skewed and everything you think you know on the matter is technically only second hand guesses) because in a journal you can be as vague as you so choose. Why? Because you are the one who these thoughts belong to and you know what is going on in your mind.
I didn't know I had to start making specifics about who it was exactly I was referring to in my journal when labeling certain groups of people (and by labeling I do not mean anything superficial, I mean more like referring to a group of people) so that way certain people wouldn't go and fucking start talking about shit that does not concern them in any way, shape, or form. But oh wait, that's right, I should just start naming all the people that it is about and all the ones it is NOT about. You know. So that way people outside the matter do not feel it is their duty to go and make it their business. That is right. Unless I say ___insertperson'snamehere___ and it happens to be your name, then shut the fuck up. You should feel priviledged you're on my friends list and I'm letting you read what I think. You know what? I could change that right now. And I am seriously considering doing so. I've had enough of this "hey you know what it's totally the hardxcore cool thing to do to start drama about shit that doesn't concern me because hey I'm a fucking dramaxwhorexcore and that's the way we like to do it, so say the coolest of all cool kids."
So basically what it comes down to: shut your goddamn mouth. If anyone cared to hear what you had to say on a matter that you are completely disinclined to know absolutely anything about, then someone would ask you. But oh wait, that's right, they didn't.
And here is my other thing. People changing because of their girlfriend or boyfriend. Why is it that people feel the need to change for one reason or another, or do things that they would not normally do, simply for one person? Does doing shit you usually talk out against make you hardxcorexawesome in someone elses eyes? Well then I think that's pretty fucked and I'm happy as anything to be single.
Note to everyone who knows me: if by some unlikely chance the next time I am going out with someone, please punch me in my fucking head repeatedly (hopefully it knocks some sense in) if I start going against things I've previously said or start acting like a completely different person.
I will thank you for it.
Perhaps I put people on a pedestal. Hell, I won't even lie. I happen to do it to my friends quite a bit. I will admit it. It's one of my many faults. And yeah, I have a fuckload of them. I'm willing to be completely honest about it. I don't even care. They're my flaws. Why not just accept them? And I know that I tend to put people on this pedestal that they cannot always quite live up to, but I think right now isn't exactly one of those times. Maybe I'm excepting a little more then I should be. Or maybe I'm just pissed that someone's words can be so true one second and then change completely the next.
Oh oh and guess what. All of this is going to lead to more speculation by certain parties and they're going to go formulate their little "intelligent" conclusions and spew them to anyone that will listen (mainly one or two parties) in an attempt to get people pissed off at myself educate these people further on issues they clearly need to know about.
So thank you.
Fuck you.
And know that you are a pain in my ass.
And I do know who I am addressing.
And if they have more then 2 braincells, they'll know who they are too.
Thank you and good day.
I need to get back to cleaning so when my Amanda comes I will be ready and we can go see happy fire works.
Goddamn I want me some sparklers.
edit: Why... oh dear god why are some people just complete and utter douche bags? Is it to hurt my mind and my eyes? I know you're not supposed to be mean to people who are less fortunate then you... and I know that having only two functioning braincells should be considered some kind of handicap (since it's a given they need to use them for something like finding the bathroom or being MORE OF A FUCKING DOUCHE BAG)... but really. Come on now. People. Seriously. My god. Falls over.
I only woke up an hour and a half ago after one of the longest dreams in recorded history (an hour and a half). To which I showered and then got along to cleaning my room some more. Something I should go back to doing this very second.
But you know. I have no fucking idea. Maybe I'm just pissed about a lot of things and it's really starting to make my stomach churn.
Let's just recap the beautiful reasons. I'll even make this entry public so everyone can fuck off.
First of all, I have my journal friends only for a reason. Why? Because I chose to make it so. If I wanted a public journal in which anyone and everyone could read what I was thinking then guess fucking what? I would make it public. Not that there truly is any reason for any of these thoughts to be private, because I really couldn't care less, but I guess it's just the thought of creepy old men perhaps reading my journal that turns me off. So it could be public. But it's not. So oh fucking well.
The point of a journal is to be able to vent about things. In fact, that's probably the entire reason it was invented to begin with. Not to create unnecessary drama, as it seems that those of the online sort tend to do. But why is it that this occurs? Because when people read something they feel inclined for one reason or another to go blab to someone else about this, that, and the other thing when truly they are completely igornant and uneducated to the matter. Yes that is right, unless you are truly part of it (which it so happens that you are not... and even then, you're not inclined to know exactly what the other people involved are thinking, so no matter what your point of view is skewed and everything you think you know on the matter is technically only second hand guesses) because in a journal you can be as vague as you so choose. Why? Because you are the one who these thoughts belong to and you know what is going on in your mind.
I didn't know I had to start making specifics about who it was exactly I was referring to in my journal when labeling certain groups of people (and by labeling I do not mean anything superficial, I mean more like referring to a group of people) so that way certain people wouldn't go and fucking start talking about shit that does not concern them in any way, shape, or form. But oh wait, that's right, I should just start naming all the people that it is about and all the ones it is NOT about. You know. So that way people outside the matter do not feel it is their duty to go and make it their business. That is right. Unless I say ___insertperson'snamehere___ and it happens to be your name, then shut the fuck up. You should feel priviledged you're on my friends list and I'm letting you read what I think. You know what? I could change that right now. And I am seriously considering doing so. I've had enough of this "hey you know what it's totally the hardxcore cool thing to do to start drama about shit that doesn't concern me because hey I'm a fucking dramaxwhorexcore and that's the way we like to do it, so say the coolest of all cool kids."
So basically what it comes down to: shut your goddamn mouth. If anyone cared to hear what you had to say on a matter that you are completely disinclined to know absolutely anything about, then someone would ask you. But oh wait, that's right, they didn't.
And here is my other thing. People changing because of their girlfriend or boyfriend. Why is it that people feel the need to change for one reason or another, or do things that they would not normally do, simply for one person? Does doing shit you usually talk out against make you hardxcorexawesome in someone elses eyes? Well then I think that's pretty fucked and I'm happy as anything to be single.
Note to everyone who knows me: if by some unlikely chance the next time I am going out with someone, please punch me in my fucking head repeatedly (hopefully it knocks some sense in) if I start going against things I've previously said or start acting like a completely different person.
I will thank you for it.
Perhaps I put people on a pedestal. Hell, I won't even lie. I happen to do it to my friends quite a bit. I will admit it. It's one of my many faults. And yeah, I have a fuckload of them. I'm willing to be completely honest about it. I don't even care. They're my flaws. Why not just accept them? And I know that I tend to put people on this pedestal that they cannot always quite live up to, but I think right now isn't exactly one of those times. Maybe I'm excepting a little more then I should be. Or maybe I'm just pissed that someone's words can be so true one second and then change completely the next.
Oh oh and guess what. All of this is going to lead to more speculation by certain parties and they're going to go formulate their little "intelligent" conclusions and spew them to anyone that will listen (mainly one or two parties) in an attempt to get people pissed off at myself educate these people further on issues they clearly need to know about.
So thank you.
Fuck you.
And know that you are a pain in my ass.
And I do know who I am addressing.
And if they have more then 2 braincells, they'll know who they are too.
Thank you and good day.
I need to get back to cleaning so when my Amanda comes I will be ready and we can go see happy fire works.
Goddamn I want me some sparklers.
edit: Why... oh dear god why are some people just complete and utter douche bags? Is it to hurt my mind and my eyes? I know you're not supposed to be mean to people who are less fortunate then you... and I know that having only two functioning braincells should be considered some kind of handicap (since it's a given they need to use them for something like finding the bathroom or being MORE OF A FUCKING DOUCHE BAG)... but really. Come on now. People. Seriously. My god. Falls over.