Top 15 Movies of the Year (...And One Extra)
Yes, I cheated and added another one. This year was awesome for movies. And I didn't even see Avatar, Precious, Up in The Air or Lovely Bones yet!
Honorable Mention: Angels and Demons
Camerlengo Patrick McKenna: . Do you believe in God, sir?
Robert Langdon: Father, I simply believe that religion...
Camerlengo Patrick McKenna: I did not ask if you believe what man says about God. I asked if you believe in God.
Robert Langdon: I'm an academic. My mind tells me I will never understand God.
Camerlengo Patrick McKenna: And your heart?
Robert Langdon: Tells me I'm not meant to. Faith is a gift that I have yet to receive.
This movie makes no goddamn sense whatsoever but I loved the shit out of it. It's all SCANDAL! and RUNNING! and CRYPTS! and RELIGION! and TOM HANKS! and EWAN! No, but seriously, this was my summertime romp movie. Definitely better than seeing that piece of shit Transformers
TOP 15 FILMS OF 2009
15. Revolutionary Road
April Wheeler: So now I'm crazy because I don't love you, right? Is that the point?
Frank Wheeler: No! Wrong! You're not crazy, and you do love me. That's the point, April.
April Wheeler: But I don't. I hate you. You were just some boy who made me laugh at a party once, and now I loathe the sight of you. In fact, if you come any closer, if you touch me or anything, I think I'll scream.
Frank Wheeler: Frank: Oh, come on, stop this April.
[He touches her for an instant and she screams at the top of her lungs]
Frank Wheeler: Fuck you, April! Fuck you and all your hateful, goddamn -
April Wheeler: What are you going to do now? Are you going to hit me? To show me how much you love me?
Frank Wheeler: Don't worry, I can't be bothered! You're not worth the trouble it would take to hit you! You're not worth the powder it would take to blow you up. You are an empty, empty, hollow shell of a woman. I mean, what the hell are you doing in my house if you hate me so much? Why the hell are you married to me? What the hell are you doing carrying my child? I mean, why didn't you just get rid of it when you had the chance? Because listen to me, listen to me, I got news for you - I wish to God that you had!
I urge you all to see this movie, because it's absolutely brilliant and very well directed and acted. I really am glad I saw it. But I never want to see it again. The sheer hate that oozes out of the celluloid at the end of this film is unreal. I don't think I've ever seen a couple argue like this on film, ever. And crucify me if you want, but I think Leo acts circles around Kate in this. He breaks my heart so bad in this. I just wanted to kill April. And I was a little offended by the idea that every Connecticut couple is fucked up and corrupt. But it's still a fucking amazing film. If you see it for nothing else, see it for Michael Shannon and his AMAZING supporting performance.
14. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Lucian: If I had not left none of this would've happened.
Sonja: Then you would not be who you are. You're right; no one should live a life like this. Your brothers are free because of you-they are forever changed because of what you have done.
Lucian: But I failed you!
Sonja: No, Lucian my love. You have not failed me. The choices I made have led me here and to you. You said yourself that there were risks you were willing to take for me. As I was for you. And for us.
These movies are my dirty, dirty, guilty pleasure. I own all of them and watch them when I want to feel really bad about my life decisions. But this one is definitely my favorite, just because it's so period and grungy and RIDICULOUS. I found Rhona Mitra to be a ten times better lead than Kate Beckinsale, and the chemistry she has with Michael Sheen is sizzling. As for Mr. Sheen...holy shit. I saw this about two weeks after Frost/Nixon and it BLEW MY MIND. The man can do no wrong.
13. Trick 'R Treat
Chip: You must really like Halloween.
Rhonda: You mean Samhain?
Chip: What?
Rhonda: Samhain, also known as All Hallows' Eve, also known as Halloween. Pre-dating Christianity, the Celtic holiday was celebrated on the one night between autumn and winter when the barrier between the living and the dead was thinnest, and often involved rituals that included human sacrifice.
[awkward silence]
Rhonda: I like your eye patch.
This movie took me by COMPLETE surprise. I fully expected this to suck. A lot. It is a BLAST. It makes you just so happy that Halloween (Samhain) exists. I can't even talk about it because to talk about it ruins it. Just know that it consists of four intertwining stories on Halloween and they're all connected in some way, and watching over all of it is the spirit of Halloween, Sam, who is the cutest little psychopath of all time.
12. The Time-Traveler's Wife
Claire: I never had a choice.
Oh, this film just broke my heart. Broke it into little tiny pieces. My friend hates it, but she read the book first. I'll have to read it soon and see for myself, but dang, what a great little film this is. Beautifully shot and composed. And the music is absolutely wrenching (I'm a huge fan of Mychael Danna, he does great Celtic compositions). And ERIC. Oh, Eric Bana can act in anything. I'll watch him forever.
11. Adventureland
Sue O'Malley: What are you majoring in?
Joel: Russian literature and Slavic languages.
Sue O'Malley: Oh wow, that's pretty interesting. What career track is that?
Joel: Cabby, hot dog vendor, marijuana delivery guy. The world is my oyster.
This movie got marketed as a new Superbad, so imagine my shock when I sat down and watched post-grad ennui for two hours. Such an honest, thoughtful film, and still manages to be very funny (with Bill Hader and Kristin Wiig you can't not be funny). And it's the one film i can stomach Kristen Stewart in. I need to buy this on DVD. And Jesse Eisenberg is the main reason why I wanted to see Zombieland as badly as I did (and still do, dammit I'm so pissed I missed that one in cinemas).
10. Bright Star
John: There is a holiness to the heart's affections. You know nothing of that.
If I hadn't seen this in a packed house, I would've cried my eyes out. Oh, this film is devastating. I'm a Keats buff and I knew how this story ended, and I was still a total mess when it happened. Abbie Cornish is a tornado in this (her last scene rips me in half) and Ben Whishaw is just as good. I can even tolerate Paul Schneider's looney Scottish accent.
9. I Love You, Man
Sydney Fife: Society tells us we're civilized but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out. Try it.
Peter Klaven: Blaaah!
Sydney Fife: Good. Now gently remove your tampon and try again.
It's Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Rashida Jones. HOW WAS I NOT SUPPOSED TO TOTALLY HEART THIS FILM? SLAPPA DA BASS, MAN. And they use Ray LaMontagne. Oh, so good.
8. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Lavender Brown: What is she doing here?
Hermione Granger: [stands] I might ask you the same question!
Lavender Brown: I happen to be his girlfriend!
Hermione Granger: Well, I happen to be his... friend.
Lavender Brown: Friend? Don't make me laugh! You haven't spoken in weeks. I guess you want to make up with him now that's he's suddenly all interesting!
Hermione Granger: He's been poisoned, you daft dimbo! And as a matter of fact, I've always found him interesting.
PUBERTY HARRY POTTER. Fantastic. Although they did some things in this installment that kind of unnerved me (THEY LIT THE GODDAMN BURROW ON FIRE), I overall enjoyed it. I cannot WAIT to see what they do with the final two films. They are going to be goddamn epic.
7. Slumdog Millionaire
Police Inspector: [whispering] Doctors, lawyers, never get past 60 thousand rupees. He's won 10 million. What the hell can a slumdog possibly know?
Jamal Malik: The answers. I knew the answers.
Hot damn. Such a goddamn good flick. The love that Jamal carried in his heart for Latika for all those years really spoke deeply in my heart. I first saw this when my sister made me watch it as I recovered from a bad case of flu, and I didn't want to sit through it since I figured I'd be too tired to really understand it and I'd pass out halfway through. I stayed up the entire time and was completely blown away. And the music and the dancing and JAI HO!
6. Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock Holmes: You've never complained about my methods before.
Dr. John Watson: I've never complained! When have I ever complained about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess? Your general lack of hygiene or the fact that you steal my clothes?
The greatest bromance of the year. They really made zero attempt to hide the unbelievable amount of UST that permeates the Watson/Holmes relationship. And don't worry, this isn't Rambo!Holmes by any means. This adaptation is actually closer in spirit to the original Doyle novels (Watson was a soldier and Holmes did participate in bare-knuckle boxing). The eccentricity of Holmes is very much there, and he does say 'The game's afoot' a few times. And Irene Adler is one badass chick. I love how Holmes was the sort of man who'd fall for the same type of woman he hunts down. They must have had CRACKERJACK sex. When he wasn't banging Watson, of course. All three of them are fantastic, but I must say Jude's reactions to RDJ's lunacy is just amazing.
5. Away We Go
Verona De Tessant: Burt, are we fuck-ups?
Burt Farlander: No! What do you mean?
Verona De Tessant: I mean, we're 34...
Burt Farlander: I'm 33.
Verona De Tessant: ...and we don't even have this basic stuff figured out.
Burt Farlander: Basic, like how?
Verona De Tessant: Basic, like how to live.
Burt Farlander: We're not fuck-ups.
Verona De Tessant: We have a cardboard window.
Burt Farlander: We're not fuck-ups.
Verona De Tessant: I think we might be fuck-ups.
Burt Farlander: We're not fuck-ups.
This movie is so sweet it makes your teeth and heart ache. Oh, I love this couple and they way they interact and their unique way of seeing the world. How everyone they meet is just someone new to bounce off of. How they yell at each other but it's not really yelling. How Burt's idea of comforting his pregnant girlfriend is assuring her "Even if you get so big I can't find your vagina, I will still love you." HE KEEPS HIS GLASSES ON WHILE HE'S PERFORMING ORAL SEX. THAT IS JUST SO PRECIOUS I CAN'T EVEN. Both of them are on top of their game in this. Brilliant second effort of 2009 from Sam Mendes.
4. Where The Wild Things Are
Carol: Will you keep out the sadness?
Guys...I was not fucking ready for how badly this movie wrecked me. I was a bawling mess for the last twenty minutes of the film, and it wasn't a specific moment that did me in, really. Just a combination of the wonderfully wistful score by Karen O, and Max Records' beautiful little face, and Carol running his ass off to try and make it to see Max off in his little boat, and KW turning out to be a really good soul amidst all the craziness, and just all these crazy creatures acting like children. It brought me back to grade school. Everything in this film struck a very real chord with me. It's a deep, profoundly un-children's children's movie.
3. Inglourious Basterds
Lt. Aldo Raine: Here that? That's Sgt. Donny Donowitz. But you might know him better by his nickname. The Bear Jew. Now, if you heard of Aldo the Apache, you gotta have heard of the Bear Jew.
Sgt. Werner Rachtman: I have heard of the Bear Jew.
Lt. Aldo Raine: What did you hear about him, Werner?
Sgt. Werner Rachtman: He beats German soldiers with a club
Lt. Aldo Raine: He bashes their brains in with a baseball bat is what he does. Now, Werner, I'm gonna ask you one more goddamn time, and if you still "respectfully refuse," I'm callin' the Bear Jew over here, and he's gonna take that big-ole bat of his, and he's gonna beat you to death with it. Now take your wiener schnitzel lickin' finger and point out on this map what I want to know.
FUCK THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING. I wasn't sure if I'd like it, but there are so many goddamn phenomenal things happening in it (AND ALL AT ONCE) that I just loved every minute of it. What's fantastic is that the movie isn't really about Aldo Raine at all, or the Basterds. They play a large part, to be sure. But the real meat of the story lies with Shoshana and the premiere of Nation's Pride, and one flip-flopping Nazi you will never, ever forget. If you see this film for nothing else, see it for the fucking brilliance that is Hans. Fucking. Landa. If Christoph Walz doesn't win the Oscar this year for Best Supporting Actor, I will eat my computer. And, of course...The Bear Jew, easily the most badass Jew in film this year.
2. The Hangover
Stu: He drugged us! I lost a tooth! I married a whore!
Alan: HOW DARE YOU! She's a nice lady!
Stu: You are such a fucking moron!
Alan: Your language is offensive!
Stu: Fuck you!
Phil: All right let's just take a deep breath, okay? All right seriously this is a good thing, guys. At least some stranger didn't drug us for God knows what reason
Stu: Yeah Phil it's definitely a good thing. We're all so much better off now. Here's something I would like to remind you two of. Our best friend Doug is probably face-down in a ditch right now, with a meth head buttfucking his corpse!
Alan: That's probably not true.
Okay, my entire family told me how funny this would be. I assumed it would be funny. I wasn't prepared for Mike Tyson. Or Lesley Chow. Or "NOT UP IN HERE." Or just everything about it. It annihilated me. I was in stitches for days. And the film keeps getting funnier every single time I see it. And that would all be well and good if it weren't for the Sex God that is Bradley Cooper. Oh, HOT DAMN.
*DRUMROLL*
1. Star Trek
Spock: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before.
I've thought about becoming many things in my day. A Trekker was definitively NOT one of them. As a proud Ringer I thought it was just too many fandoms, not enough time. However, this movie had about fifty of my favorite people in it, plus I want to do about fifty dirty things to Chris Pine, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Besides, the trailers looked cool. HOLY SHIT. This movie is so much fun. It's just...FUCK I can't even do it justice with an explanation. It's just everything you'd want a great summertime flick to be. And just when you think it can't get any better, fucking Leonard Nimoy shows up like an archangel. Just perfection.