Gymmy Jamesnasium
I went to a Gymnasium for the first time since jr. college. I was absolutely fascinated by the experience. There weren't guys throwing around medicine balls, big ladies attached to fat-vibrating machines, or signs of Jack Lalanne flaunting health juices made from dirt and rocks. It was full of a lot of people that I probably wouldn't normally hang out with, but I wasn't there for them. I was there for the free water and extra sweat towels left everywhere.
After giving a few of the circuit training machines a once-over, I concentrated on the manliest of all the machines I could find - the bench press machine. I had essentially left a trail of destruction behind me of machines with broken cables, bent bars, hand grips permanently molded to a negative outline of my hands, and some machines that just evaporated into thin air after I simply looked at them -- but I saw that this fine bench press machine might be able to handle my extreme manliness with a little coaxing. I quickly worked my way up from 150 to 200 to 250 to 350 pounds before I switched to the other arm (I later learned it was intended that you use both arms with this exercise). When I finally got to the point where I felt like a wanted a real workout, I enlisted the help of two eager Asian girls to stand on the weights while I pumped my man-muscles wildly. Of course this was to the steady beat of my Christian death metal and the sounds of the rest of the gymnasium cheering wildly. I finally finished my manly workout about the same time the TV news crew showed up to start taping me (too bad for them - huh).
I will obviously need to tone it down a bit with my workout if I want to keep coming back. I will probably just cruise around and just fiddle around with the machines a bit -- acting as if I barely know how to use each one. I will keep looking cool by running the machines on close to the lowest setting too so nobody figures out how my true degree of manliness. I will probably have to wear one of my many many top secret spy disguises too. I have one of a skinny guy in his 30s with a beer gut that is going there to supplement his daily mouse clicking exercises -- that should do just fine!
After giving a few of the circuit training machines a once-over, I concentrated on the manliest of all the machines I could find - the bench press machine. I had essentially left a trail of destruction behind me of machines with broken cables, bent bars, hand grips permanently molded to a negative outline of my hands, and some machines that just evaporated into thin air after I simply looked at them -- but I saw that this fine bench press machine might be able to handle my extreme manliness with a little coaxing. I quickly worked my way up from 150 to 200 to 250 to 350 pounds before I switched to the other arm (I later learned it was intended that you use both arms with this exercise). When I finally got to the point where I felt like a wanted a real workout, I enlisted the help of two eager Asian girls to stand on the weights while I pumped my man-muscles wildly. Of course this was to the steady beat of my Christian death metal and the sounds of the rest of the gymnasium cheering wildly. I finally finished my manly workout about the same time the TV news crew showed up to start taping me (too bad for them - huh).
I will obviously need to tone it down a bit with my workout if I want to keep coming back. I will probably just cruise around and just fiddle around with the machines a bit -- acting as if I barely know how to use each one. I will keep looking cool by running the machines on close to the lowest setting too so nobody figures out how my true degree of manliness. I will probably have to wear one of my many many top secret spy disguises too. I have one of a skinny guy in his 30s with a beer gut that is going there to supplement his daily mouse clicking exercises -- that should do just fine!