BASICALLY
Okay Okay I'm done being vague. Last night, I went on a brief date with a dude named Sean that I know from school, and he made moves which I don' dig but don't really know how to deal with BECAUSE I HATE DATES AND I NEVER GO ON THEM. Seriously, I don't plan on dating until the if-and-when-I-want-get-married state of mind happens. Anyway, one thing led to to another and we kissed and then I just... got these utterly mad feelings for Darrin that I couldn't really deal with. I went home and just sitting there, trying not to think about it... it got worse and worse so I eventually called him, basically begging him have me, that I've invested so much in this relationship and am really really falling for him and I don't know why he wants to put it off so badly...
But he still wants to put it off so badly. And there's no point in being sad over boys, so right now the plan is to listen to breakup-y music until I feel better, draw proper lines with other boys, but go back to just digging myself and wait and see if he comes to me wanting anything. Which I expect he will eventually, but not for a long time.
Which sucks and violates the laws of nature, as far as I'm concerned. He lives a lot more methodically than I do... and well, it's just not part of his mindscape right now. Poor dumb bastard. No, I kid. But really, it goes against seizing the day and living in moment and life being short and so so so many other things, but I want it to play out naturally.
So I guess my point is: last night could have been awesome but I ruined it all because I'm an idiot. The end.
But he still wants to put it off so badly. And there's no point in being sad over boys, so right now the plan is to listen to breakup-y music until I feel better, draw proper lines with other boys, but go back to just digging myself and wait and see if he comes to me wanting anything. Which I expect he will eventually, but not for a long time.
Which sucks and violates the laws of nature, as far as I'm concerned. He lives a lot more methodically than I do... and well, it's just not part of his mindscape right now. Poor dumb bastard. No, I kid. But really, it goes against seizing the day and living in moment and life being short and so so so many other things, but I want it to play out naturally.
So I guess my point is: last night could have been awesome but I ruined it all because I'm an idiot. The end.