old myspace blogs part 2...
" I love escalators man, escalators can never break....they only turn into stairs..........sorry for the convenience."
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey... Hold on fellas... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I always want to be a race car passenger. Just the guy who bugs the driver. "Can I put my feet out the window? You need to make a left right there. Can I turn on the radio? Why do we have to keep going in circles? Man, you really like Tyed."
I believe a pickel is a cucumber that sold out. It sold its soul to the devil. And the devil was dill...
"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers they'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. But then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now ,with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry.That's a double whammy! We need help! Bush search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes."
: If 13 is unlucky then 12 and 14 are guilty by association
Where were you 12. I was with 11 you go talk to 14 about that shit.
What about you 14. Uh, me divided by 2 equals 7, uh, shit I was with 13
If 13's unlucky then B should be too because it looks like a scrunched together 13
What's your name? Bob. Get the fuck away!
I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said 'Please Try Again'. They were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait... fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
"X, you will have a costarring role in tic tac toe. You will also be associated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And incidently you will start 'xylophone'. You happy now, you *beep* X?"
"I can't wait to get offstage, because I have a roll of lifesavers in my pocket and pineapple is next."
i don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly..
."As an adult I'm not supposed to go down slides, so when I find myself up at the top of a slide I have to act like I got there accidentally. 'How'd I get up here god damnit! I guess I have to slide down. WEEEEE!' That's what you say when you're having fun: You refer to yourself and some other people
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under 'D'.
"I hate turtle necks. I have such a weak neck. Plus if you wear a turtle neck it's like being strangled by a really weak guy... all day. And if you wear a turtle neck and a back pack it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, and stand by the lunch meat section for too long you start to get pissed off by the turkeys. You see like, turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey baloni. Somebody needs to tell the turkeys: "Man, just be yourself! You don't have to emmulate the other animals. You got your own thing going.
"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with them later."
find that duck's opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.
That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me." ..........thats my favorite....okay...im done...happy trails
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey... Hold on fellas... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I always want to be a race car passenger. Just the guy who bugs the driver. "Can I put my feet out the window? You need to make a left right there. Can I turn on the radio? Why do we have to keep going in circles? Man, you really like Tyed."
I believe a pickel is a cucumber that sold out. It sold its soul to the devil. And the devil was dill...
"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers they'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. But then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now ,with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry.That's a double whammy! We need help! Bush search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes."
: If 13 is unlucky then 12 and 14 are guilty by association
Where were you 12. I was with 11 you go talk to 14 about that shit.
What about you 14. Uh, me divided by 2 equals 7, uh, shit I was with 13
If 13's unlucky then B should be too because it looks like a scrunched together 13
What's your name? Bob. Get the fuck away!
I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said 'Please Try Again'. They were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait... fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
"X, you will have a costarring role in tic tac toe. You will also be associated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And incidently you will start 'xylophone'. You happy now, you *beep* X?"
"I can't wait to get offstage, because I have a roll of lifesavers in my pocket and pineapple is next."
i don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly..
."As an adult I'm not supposed to go down slides, so when I find myself up at the top of a slide I have to act like I got there accidentally. 'How'd I get up here god damnit! I guess I have to slide down. WEEEEE!' That's what you say when you're having fun: You refer to yourself and some other people
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under 'D'.
"I hate turtle necks. I have such a weak neck. Plus if you wear a turtle neck it's like being strangled by a really weak guy... all day. And if you wear a turtle neck and a back pack it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, and stand by the lunch meat section for too long you start to get pissed off by the turkeys. You see like, turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey baloni. Somebody needs to tell the turkeys: "Man, just be yourself! You don't have to emmulate the other animals. You got your own thing going.
"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with them later."
find that duck's opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.
That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me." ..........thats my favorite....okay...im done...happy trails