SGA Season 2
The Siege part 3
Sheppard: At least the shield is up and running.
McKay: That only buys us time.
Sheppard: I like time.
Weir: How much time do you need?
McKay: Oh, well ...
Zelenka: ... a week.
McKay: ... a couple of hours.
Weir: I'll take the second estimate. Go.
McKay: (to Zelenka) You Union?
Weir: Okay, what are our options?
McKay: Well, let me see - we have slow death, quick death, painful death, cold lonely death . . .
Col. Caldwell: Can we submerge the city again?
McKay: It's a city, not a yo-yo!
The Intruder
SHEPPARD: Am I the only one who thinks it’s strange we’re working with an alien?
McKAY: Intergalactic hyperdrive technology’s kind of new to us, so we need his help.
SHEPPARD: Is he supposed to be naked like that?
(Inside one of the F-302s)
McKay: You know, I've never actually been inside one of these before today. It's a little, uh, cramped, huh?
Sheppard: Just relax, Rodney. We're safe ... for the moment.
McKay: Great. Quick question, though, just out of curiosity: how much, uh, air do these things carry?
Sheppard: Lots.
McKay: Uh, I'm just saying, because if this doesn't work, we'll have to go over the whole plan and who knows how long we could get stuck in here, and, and, so it-it-it would ...
Sheppard: You know what, Rodney? You're exactly right - it's a limited supply, so why don't we conserve it by you not talking?
(McKay opens his mouth to speak. Sheppard raises a finger.)
Sheppard: At all.
Sheppard: This is what I do when I have problems with my laptop, I turn it off and then I... turn it on again.
Dr. Weir: I think this is a little bit more complicated than that.
Sheppard: I'm just saying that if we're taking a page from the John Sheppard book of computer repair, we're really desperate.
McKAY: Crap!
HERMIOD: What did you do?
McKAY: I just ran it through a translation programme - it’s Wraith.
(Hermiod turns and looks at his screen, then turns back to Rodney.)
HERMIOD: ‘Crap’ indeed.
Runner
Sheppard: It almost smells like I’m on vacation.
McKay: (smearing on sunscreen) Could it be the simulated tropical aroma of cocoa butter?
Sheppard: Strong enough for anyone within five miles to smell you.
McKay: Like they haven’t been tipped off by the Aqua Velva.
McKay: When did this escalate to killing?
Ford: When you shot me!
McKay: It’s a flesh wound - I knew it wasn’t going to hurt you! You’re... Super Ford, remember?
Ford: You tried to kill me!
McKay: You can’t kill an unarmed upside-down man!
McKAY: It may not sound like much to you but, uh, I’ve been keeping a running tally of my lifetime exposure to radiation: X-rays, cellphones, plane rides, that whole unfortunate Genii nuclear reactor thing. My God - last week we flew dangerously close to the corona of a sun! As it is, I may have to forego reproducing.
LORNE: Yeah, that’s funny - I was just thinkin’ that might be wise.
SHEPPARD: Alright, for what it’s worth, I’d never send you in there if I thought the guy was gonna hurt you.
BECKETT: Is that opinion based on some sort of evidence, or is it just a gut feeling that this gentleman isn’t dangerous?
SHEPPARD: I didn’t say he wasn’t dangerous. He could probably kill you in the blink of an eye. I don’t think he will.
BECKETT: Well thank you, I feel much better now!
Duet
Cadman: "You’ve got a date tomorrow tonight with Katie Brown, right? She’s a botanist - she never gets to go offworld, so..."
Beckett: "What’s this now?!"
McKay: "It’s nothing, nothing."
Beckett: "You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?"
McKay: "It is simply two adults sharing some friendly ... yes, with a woman!"
Elizabeth: "Are you sure he should have been discharged from the infirmary, Carson?"
Carson: "According to the MRI, he's as healthy as he ever was."
Cadman: "It doesn't feel very healthy in here!"
Rodney: "Well, we can't all be track stars, now can we? It was her again."
John: "Maybe there's something wrong an MRI wouldn't pick up, if you know what I mean."
Rodney: "I'm not crazy - I just have another consciousness in my brain."
John: "So he just looks crazy."
Rodney: "I'm sure I do, but only because Doctor Fumbles McStupid over here was in way over his head!"
Condemned
John: At least we got the element of surprise.
Ronan: I was beginning to think you were afraid to fight.
John: No, I'm just naturally lazy, but I will fight if I have to and right now it's starting to look like I have to.
McKay: "There's no sign of any settlements - at least, nothing recent."
Dex: "Other than the smoke from that campfire."
McKay: "Ah. Yes, well, other than that."
ELDON: The technology on this ship is far more advanced than the Olesians’.
McKAY: How ironic, then, to have been shot down by the cast of Braveheart.
Torrell: You'll figure it out.
McKay: And if I don't?
Torrell: Well, I could kill you. But you strike me as the type of man who, despite being weak and cowardly on the outside, harbors a strength of character he doesn't even know he has.
McKay: I'm sorry, was there a compliment in there?
Conversion
(McKay buttons up his collar while entering the cave with the Iratus bugs)
Beckett: You don't seriously think that's gonna help?
McKay: When they see your neck before they see mine, you won't think it's stupid.
(Several minutes later, Beckett lifts up his collar before trying to harvest the eggs)
McKay: See! Not so stupid!
Beckett: Ah, shut it.
Weir: How are you?
Sheppard: My body's mutating into a bug. How are you?
McKay: Maybe we should make a diversion.
Lorne: Are you volunteering?
McKay: I’ll shut up.
Aurora
Sheppard: There are Wraith ships on the way??
McKay: I’m sure I mentioned that…
Sheppard: No you didn’t.
McKay: Well, it... it threw me when she was so hot.
McKAY: The pod’s equipped with a neural interface. It’s indicating definite brain activity, as though they were perfectly conscious. If all of these pods are interconnected, it’s highly possible these people are, in fact, communicating with each other.
CALDWELL: This has been going on for ten thousand years?
McKAY: Possibly. It was a way of keeping their minds occupied until they were rescued.
SHEPPARD: That is one long conversation.
McKAY: Yeah, well, more likely the interface was reactivated when the recall beacon from Atlantis was received. Either way, the neural feedback loop is incredibly active.
SHEPPARD: Any way to figure out what they’re saying?
McKAY: Yes, of course - it says right here: “Why is the smart one having to stop and answer so many questions?”!
SHEPPARD: A warship?
McKAY: See, look at his eyes all lighting up again. It’s Pavlovian. I cross-checked the logs. They were on a reconnaissance mission. When we activated the ZedPM, the city must have sent out some kind of an automated subspace beacon recalling ships back to Atlantis.
WEIR: How long before it gets here?
McKAY: Well, given that it’s at the edge of the Pegasus galaxy, let me see ... carry the four ... Forty-two million years. Should we go wait on the porch?
Sheppard: That's her.
McKay: That's the Wraith?
Sheppard: Yeah.
McKay: (in awe) Wow... she's hot... I mean seriously hot.
Sheppard: Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith.
McKay: I know I disgust myself sometimes.
The Lost Boys
DEX: OK, so why aren’t these guys watching us?
TEYLA: Ronon is right. They went to great trouble to get us here - why would they allow us to leave?
SHEPPARD: Just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
McKAY (from under the DHD): Oh, that little bastard!
SHEPPARD: There it goes.
McKAY: What are you talking about?
SHEPPARD: I’ll insist you’re all on the away team. I’ll scoop you up and instead of flying out to the hive ship, we fly out to Atlantis.
McKAY: How?
SHEPPARD: That Dart’s gotta have its own DHD, right?
McKAY: Of course.
SHEPPARD: Well, then, get that thing fly-worthy, we all go home!
McKAY: Right, of course. Now, you see, I would have thought of that myself before I became a drug addict.
The Hive
NEERA: "The Wraith will not allow us to escape."
SHEPPARD: "Yeah, well, I try not to let them tell me what I can and can't do."
NEERA (surprised): "You do not fear them?"
SHEPPARD: "The Wraith? Naw. Now clowns - that's another story. Scare the crap out of me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEERA: "You have fought the Wraith before?"
SHEPPARD: "Lots of times. Won some battles; lost some. War's not over by a long shot, but we're managing to hold our own."
NEERA: "And the clowns?"
SHEPPARD: "The clowns? Oh, yeah, the clowns. We fight them too - entire armies, spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off, but they keep sending `em in."
SHEPPARD: Oh, auto pilot! No, no, no, no, no! R2, I need you to turn the auto pilot off! Now! (nothing happens.) Worth a try.
McKAY: Look, we can dial the Stargate back to Atlantis where we have a ship - a fast ship with, with, with shields. We can fly to the hive and then, then rescue them if we need to.
BOUNCER: Can’t dial the Gate, remember? Ford removed the control crystals from the dialing device.
McKAY: Yes, I know that. But here’s the good news: you’re the ones guarding them! Look, all you have to do is get me the crystals, I can fix the DHD and then, then, then; look, you just have to walk into Ford’s little room back there and get ‘em.
BOUNCER: We’re not giving you anything.
McKAY: Then I can’t dial the Gate.
BOUNCER: What I said.
McKAY: What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?
McKAY (sobbing): Please, just give me a little enzyme - just enough to take the edge off. I’m dying here.
BECKETT: I told you, we don’t have any.
McKAY (furiously): You think I don’t know you’re lying?
BECKETT: I’m not lying.
McKAY: You are! You think I don’t think you are but you are! And don’t think I won’t forget it!
BECKETT : What?
McKAY (sobbing): I don’t know! Just kill me.
McKay: (surprised) Why aren't you dead?
Sheppard: It's good to see you too, Rodney.
McKay: No, no. Well, you know what I mean. Why aren't you... dead?
Epiphany
Ronon: You wanna pick up the pace, McKay?
McKay: Hey, he's waited for months, another half-hour isn't gonna kill him.
Weir: Well, we don't know how long it's gonna take to find him.
Beckett: Aye, and besides I have a date planned with Lieutenant Cadman for tomorrow night.
McKay (sarcastic): Oh no, so we've only got twelve years in here.
McKay: Just back out if you encounter anything problematic.
Shepperd: Problematic?
McKay: Yeah, like poisonous atmosphere, acid atmosphere, no atmosphere - hey, it's MALP on a stick, only shows you so much.
Sheppard: (Looking down and seeing that he isn't wearing his old clothes) Which one of you got me out of my clothes and into these?
Teer: I did. Is that alright?
Sheppard: Yeah. I just usually like to meet a woman before she sees me naked.
McKay: Yeah - I would just like to be able to explain these readings better before we step through. Get me a branch. You got tape? Because I got a camera! (Ronon gives him a huge branch) I didn't ask for a log! (Teyla brings him a better on) Thank you! Okay, so tape it to the stick, we extend the camera through, record for a few minutes, pull it back, play the recorder.
Sheppard: Yeah! MALP on a stick!
McKay: Yes, MALP on a stick. Very clever. Are we done?
Sheppard: (speaking into walkie talkie) This is Sheppard. I'm pretty sure you can't hear me, but I don't have a volleyball to talk to so what the hell.
Grace Under Pressure
GRIFFIN: "So I wonder what it is that makes Spaniards so good at debunking bad science? You’re not Spanish, are you?"
McKAY: "Oh, yes! Of the Barcelona McKays! Now, if you don’t mind..."
McKAY: "I always admired you, Sam. No, no, I’m not just trying to..."
HalucinationSam: "I know."
McKAY: "I honestly don’t think you’re smarter than I am. On your best day, we’re, like, maybe a tie?"
HalucinationSam: "There is a compliment coming, right?"
ZELENKA: "Do prdele, to je na hovno tohle to. Kdo to vymyslel, že budeme pod vodou, tentokrát...?"
SHEPPARD: "I think my Czech’s getting better, 'cause I know what you mean."
McKay (talking to the jumper): "Do you even have an opinion anyways, you, you... No! Why? Because you are an inanimate object, huh? Does that stop me from talking to you? Oh, no-no-no-no-no, my inanimate friend, because I have been struck upon the head, you see?!"
McKay (talking to the 'whale'): "I’m, uh, I’m sorry if I’m buggin’ you but, uh, but I kinda need to leave this thing on for a bit, you know? Maybe you could, uh, tell my friends where I am, you could, uh, could you do that, huh? Could you go for help, huh? Could you do that?" (Rodney realizes what he has just been saying.) "What am I doing?!" (He answers himself.) "Well, I’m, uh, treating an alien whale like Lassie."
HalucinationSam: "Let’s stick to working on my idea."
McKAY: "No, this is my idea."
HalucinationSam: "How do you figure?"
McKAY: "Well, you don’t exist. You think what my subconscious tells you to think! So, really the idea was mine." (Something dawns on him and he looks away from her, shocked.) "Oh, wow! I’m arguing with myself about who had an idea first - me or me. I really am petty, aren’t I?"
McKay: You gonna help me, or not?
HalucinationSam: I'll help you stay alive as long as possible, but no - I'm not helping you with this plan.
McKay: So my own hallucination is saying no to me?!
HalucinationSam: You must realize subconsciously that you need to be talked out of this.
McKay: I can't even hallucinate right today!
McKay: Don't play mind games with me.
HalucinationSam: I am a mind game.
McKay: You're the worst hallucination ever!
HalucinationSam: Oh, you don't mean that!
Rodney: We make a good team, you and I.
HalucinationSam: Sure...
Rodney: No, no I mean it. I really enjoy working with you, always have.
(HalucinationSam nods)
Rodney: I wonder... I wonder why we never... hooked up?
HalucinationSam: Well aside from the fact that you're petty, arrogant and treat people badly?
Rodney: ...Yes?
HalucinationSam: No, that's pretty much it. Petty, arrogant, bad with people.
The Tower
Baldric: I can't believe that worked!
McKay: What happened to positive thinking?
Baldric: I lied.
The Long Goodbye
DEX: So people just sit and watch this box for hours at a time?
SHEPPARD: Yeah, people do.
TEYLA: Is it that engaging?
SHEPPARD: Depends what’s on it. There are lots of programmes on dozens of channels, every day, all day.
McKAY: Most of which are fictional representations of ridiculously attractive people in absurd situations.
SHEPPARD: There are educational programs, all sorts of documentaries. Not many people watch ‘em but, uh, well, they’re on.
DEX: And that’s what everybody on your planet does for entertainment? Watch a box?
McKAY: Not everyone - although I will confess to the occasional half hour of “Jeopardy”.
DEX: Jeopardy?
McKAY: It’s the name of the show - “Jeopardy”.
DEX: Sounds dangerous.
SHEPPARD: Double jeopardy - that’s twice as dangerous.
SHEPPARD: You OK?
WEIR: Doctor Weir is fine.
SHEPPARD: Doctor Weir doesn’t talk about herself in the third person.
Caldwell: I need for you to get down to the Power Room, Doctor. Restore primary systems.
Beckett: I should go along too. Marines could be hurt.
McKay: Exactly! Marines may have been injured! We can’t go down there!
Caldwell: I will send two of my people along with you just in case.
McKay: Well, how do we know that Sheppard isn’t down there waiting in ambush?
Beckett: Because he’s not tryin’ to kill us - he’s tryin’ to kill Doctor Weir.
McKay: Oh, that is so much more comforting!
McKay: Well, how do we know that Sheppard isn’t down there waiting in ambush?
Beckett: Because he’s not tryin’ to kill us. He’s tryin’ to kill Doctor Weir.
McKay: Oh, that is so much more comforting!
Coup D'Etat
Sheppard: Major. Boys.
Lorne: Colonel.
Sheppard: Way to be alive.
Lorne: Thanks, sir! So, have you come to rescue us?
Sheppard: Well, until about a moment ago I thought you were dead, but now that I see you speaking and breathing... yeah, I’m thinkin’ about it.
Lorne: Well, good! Let me know if there’s anything we can do to help, huh?
Sheppard: What do you want with the Jumpers?
Cowen: What do I want with invisible spaceships that could fly to other worlds and even deliver our atomic weapons?
Sheppard: Well, since you put it that way...
McKay: See how I almost stunned that guy?
Sheppard: I must have missed it.
McKay: Yeah, but if he was, like, a step to the right, I would’ve stunned him for sure.
Sheppard: Good for you.
McKAY: You know, I’m not sure that you’ve sufficiently trained me in actual combat. I don’t know how much use I’d be in a fight-our-way-out kind of scenario.
SHEPPARD: Well, I look at it this way: the Genii have tried to kidnap you on numerous occasions to mine that big old brain of yours.
McKAY: Yes.
SHEPPARD: Well, if we get into trouble, I’ll just trade your life for mine.
McKAY: Oh, funny.
SHEPPARD: Don’t worry - if you survive, I’ll mount some sort of rescue mission... eventually.
SHEPPARD: "What? No ZPM?"
LADON: "I sent it to another planet for safe keeping. How stupid do you think I am?"
SHEPPARD: "From what I remember, I gave you a pretty good crack on the head last time we met, so I was kinda hoping it made you simple."
LADON: "No, it didn’t. But ever since then I’ve been plagued with headaches."
SHEPPARD: "You’re just sayin’ that to be nice. What do you want for it?"
LADON: "I’ll only talk with Weir."
SHEPPARD: "Do I make you nervous?"
LADON: "Not at all, Major. I’m just not interested in talking to the errand boy."
SHEPPARD: "That’s Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy to you."
(McKay and Sheppard are in a prison cell)
McKAY: "What the hell happened?"
SHEPPARD: "We got gassed."
McKAY: "Are we in some sort of trouble?"
SHEPPARD: "Was it the gas or the prison cell that was your first clue?"
Inferno
Sheppard: So your plan is to not blow a hole in the hangar but to sit here and wait for this cataclysmic eruption to take place.
McKay: With the shields and inertial dampeners at full strength, yes.
Beckett: I think I may be missing something. Correct me if I’m wrong, but when the volcano erupts, don’t we as well?
McKay: That’s the plan.
Sheppard: That’s the plan?
McKay: That’s the plan!
Sheppard: That plan sucks!
McKay: Fixing the sublight engines was impossible in the amount of time we had left. They were just too badly damaged, but I devised a sort of a patch that in effect diverts auxiliary power to the hyperdrive. Only enough for a fraction of a second, mind you.
Sheppard: That won’t get us very far.
McKay: We don’t need to go far. Any old orbit will do.
Sheppard: And then what?
McKay: Well, then, Norina and I were planning a small dinner for us all, nothing fancy ...
Norina: Rodney.
McKay: Well, what does he mean, “Then what”?! Then we won’t die horribly?!
McKay: Once they’re operational, we’ll be able to provide enough protection to, uh...
Sheppard: To what?
McKay: Talk amongst yourselves.
Sheppard: What are you doing?
McKay: I have an idea.
Sheppard: What kind of idea?
McKay: Can’t talk, busy!
Sheppard: Just give me a basic-
McKay: Not now, please!
Sheppard: I hate it when he does this.
McKay: The austerity of the facility suggests that it was built during the height of war.
Norina: It is well beyond our science. My skills are rudimentary at best.
Sheppard: Ah, don’t be so hard on yourself. It took Doctor McKay years to figure out all things Ancient and he still doesn’t completely understand.
McKay: I have a very firm grasp of Ancient technology.
Sheppard: You’ve blown up entire planets, Rodney.
McKay: That wasn’t my fault!
Sheppard: Well, it didn’t do it by itself!
McKAY: "Oh!!"
NORENA: "What?"
McKAY: "D'oh! I bent my fingernail back! I hate that!"
NORENA: "Yes, that can be painful."
McKAY: "Yeah, will you look at that?!"
SHEPPARD: "Are you done?!"
McKAY: "Almost. Look, does anyone have nail clippers?"
BECKETT: "Rodney!"
McKAY: "And I have discovered the ship’s name. It’s the, um, Hipapheralkus."
SHEPPARD: "The what?!"
McKAY: "Yeah, well, it appears to have been named after an Ancient general ... Hipapheralkus."
SHEPPARD: "Well, we’re not calling it that!"
McKAY: "Oh good. Then what about, um..."
SHEPPARD: "And we’re not calling it the Enterprise either!"
McKAY: "I wasn’t gonna say that! Look, for my second choice, though, I’d go with, um..."
SHEPPARD: "How about we name it later?"
WEIR: "Well, Rodney should still have the technical specs you brought back from the Aurora mission."
SHEPPARD: "I told him to take a look at ‘em, but first I want him to fix the shield generator - build some goodwill with these people."
WEIR: "Good idea. Hopefully we can establish an alliance with them. A ship like that ..."
SHEPPARD: "... would come very much in handy now that the Wraith are probably on their way - I know. I’m gonna get back there now - make sure he’s not distracted."
WEIR: "Distracted?"
SHEPPARD: "Ah, well, the lead scientist, uh, she’s very, um ..."
WEIR: "... Hot?"
SHEPPARD: "I was gonna say attractive. But McKay is acting very, uh ..."
WEIR: "... Smitten?"
SHEPPARD: "I was gonna say pathetic."
SHEPPARD: "Will you just take it easy?"
McKAY: "We’re inside a soon to be erupting volcano!"
SHEPPARD: "Elizabeth will try to dial us back. When she can’t get through ... she’ll send the Daedalus."
McKAY: "Daedalus, right - that’s good!"
BECKETT: "Uh, what if the volcano erupts before then?"
SHEPPARD: "The ship in the hangar - maybe McKay can fix it."
McKAY: "Oh, maybe I can fix it! Place the pressure squarely on my shoulders for a change!"
SHEPPARD: "Well, I’ve discovered you’re pretty good under the threat of impending death!"
McKAY: *clears throat* "... I am, actually."
Allies
McKay: (walking around, checking screens) Shields: Yes. Jump into position: Mmmmaybe. Release the drones: Probably not.
Sheppard: Well, it’s pointless to get in position if we can’t fire.
McKay: Y’know, let’s talk about it for a really long time; that’ll help for sure.