SGA Season 1
Rising
Dr. McKay: "We need the ZedPM to power the gate."
O'Neill: "What?"
Dr. Jackson: "ZPM. He's Canadian."
O'Neill: "I'm sorry."
Dr. Beckett: "How come I never make friends like that?"
McKay: "You need to get out more."
Dr. Beckett: "We're in another galaxy - how much more ‘out' can you get?!"
McKay: "Even with the six symbols Lieutenant Ford provided there are still hundreds of permutations ..."
Sheppard: "Seven hundred and twenty."
McKay: "Yes. I knew that of course. I’m just surprised you did."
Weir: "Ready?"
McKay: "I have no idea. This technology is so far beyond us, I haven’t a clue what we’re dealing with. For all I know, we could..."
*Weir gives him a look.*
McKay: "Yeah, ready."
Jack: "This isn't a long trip so I'll be a succinct as possible."
(Silence)
Sheppard: "Well, that's pretty succinct."
Jack: "Thank you."
Hide and Seek
BECKETT (referring to McKay): "He fainted."
MCKAY: "Oh, there's got to be a better word!"
BECKETT: "'Faint' is the proper medical term."
MCKAY: "I passed out from... manly hunger."
SHEPPARD: "Well, hang in there. (on radio) Dr Weir this is Sheppard. McKay’s okay he, uh, he fainted."
(Beckett grins.)
McKAY: "Oh yeah, that's very sympathetic. Let's all mock the dying man. Thank you."
McKAY: "A mouse retrovirus?"
BECKETT: "It's been deactivated."
McKAY: "Well, are there any side effects?"
GRODIN: "Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run in a small wheel."
McKAY: "Ahhh. That's very amusing."
38 Minutes
Ford: "Why’d you close the door?"
McKay: "So that when the Stargate shuts down and the forward section is severed, we’re not directly exposed to space."
Ford: "Will it hold?"
McKay: "Like a screen door on a submarine, I just prefer apoxia to explosive decompression. It’s a personal thing."
Suspicion
Anthropologist: I can't even begin to tell you how fascinating this is…
Sheppard: Anthropologist fascinating or actual fascinating?
Ford: "You know we still haven't named the planet yet."
Sheppard: "I’m sure the Ancients have a name for it."
Ford: "How about 'Atlantica' or something like that?"
Sheppard: "I thought we agreed you weren't going to name anything anymore?"
Weir: "Anxious to step through the gate again Major?"
Sheppard: "Yes, I am… You like us to bring back anything special?"
Weir: "Uhh… No thanks…"
Sheppard: "Groceries? A new outfit? Flatware?"
Zelenka: "What is it?"
McKay: "Well it's a command sub routine I've never seen before…"
Zelenka: "What is its function?"
McKay: "I don't know, because I've never seen it before."
Poisoning the Well
Sheppard: "Ya know, we've been having these conversations for a couple of weeks now, and I don't even know your name. You guys do have names, right? Let me guess... Steve?"
McKay (about Beckett): No, no. No, he just doesn't like going through the Stargate.
Sheppard: He's worse than Doctor McCoy.
Teyla: Who?
Sheppard: The TV character that Dr. Beckett plays in real life.
Underground
Kalan: You’re destined to become a hero among our people, Dr McKay...
McKay: Thank you.
Kalan: ...as long as Major Sheppard returns with the C4.
McKay: I’m a dead man.
Sheppard: Are we in danger now?
McKay: Oh, it would take days or weeks at these levels of radiation , but I assume the Genii spend days or weeks down here?
Kalan: Many of our people have spent their entire lives here.
McKay: Their entire short lives. But we’ll be fine… as long as you weren’t planning on having children.
Sheppard: (about some sort of metal hatch): Now that is definitely strange.
McKay: Yeah and not that "Amish" really…
Sheppard: No… Not so much…
MCKAY: I’m picking up a strange reading from right over there
SHEPPARD: Well, define strange.
MCKAY: You don’t know what strange means?
Sheppard: As far as your secret down here goes...
(looks at McKay)
McKay: Uh, we say, "What secret, giant, underground bunker?"
McKay: I built an atomic bomb for my grade six science fair exhibit.
Ford: They let you do that up in Canada?
Sheppard: Have you ever tried to clear a stump by hand?
Weir: Yes, it's a hobby.
Home
Sheppard: The dead people were a dead giveaway.
McKay: Dead people? What were you doing?
Sheppard: 840 years.
McKay: What?
Sheppard: That's how long it will take for us to come get you by Puddle Jumper.
McKay: But you would do that, right?
Sheppard: (sarcastically): Of course we would.
McKay: So? I mean, the best I know, this field goes on for miles. I mean, for all we know it envelops the entire planet. We’re talking about a lot of energy here.
Sheppard: How much is a lot?
McKay: What, in terms of joules or ergs?
Sheppard: In terms of... lots.
McKay: Well, lots and lots.
The Storm
Sheppard: "Wait, wait, wait a second. Are these things even close to a transporter?"
McKay: "Uh, yes, Elizabeth’s is."
Sheppard: "And mine?"
McKay: "Uh, it’s a brisk walk away."
Sheppard: "And by ‘brisk’, you mean ... ‘far’?"
McKay: "By ‘walk’, I mean ‘run’."
Sheppard: "OK."
McKay: What is the one thing keeping us from having a shield?
Weir: Uh, that would...
McKay: Power. And what does a mega storm from hell have lots of?
Weir: Power.
McKay: In the form of...
Weir: You want to build a windmill?
McKay: ...electricity.
McKay: You're right! If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth. Did you bring yours?
Zelenka: You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.
McKay: I'm always like this.
Zelenka: My point exactly.
Guard #1: Bacon.
Guard #2: The one thing you wish you had brought with you is bacon?
Guard #1: It's the food that makes other food worth eating.
Guard #2: You wish you brought bacon to another galaxy?!?
Weir: The city can handle that?
McKay: Yes. Theoretically.
Sheppard: Like 'dinosaurs turned into birds' theoretically or theory of relativity theoretically?
McKay (looks confused): What? Um, somewhere between.
Sheppard: McKay will come up with something.
McKay: I will try, but despite what you all may think, I am not Superman.
Sheppard: Was anyone seriously thinking that?
(everyone shakes their heads)
Ford: No, sir.
Zelenka: Never.
The Eye
Kolya: You said this would work!
McKay: I don't know if you noticed or not but I'm an extremely arrogant man who tends to think all of his plans will work!
Weir: You'll just have to stall him some more.
McKay: Well, I just told him how long it will take.
Weir: Well find another problem with it! I… Tell him that the power-loop interface isn't jiving with your walkabout! Something!
McKay: Isn't jiving?!
BECKETT: What you need that for?
FORD: Anything I see moving is gonna get shot.
BECKETT: So what if it's the Major?
FORD: Then he'll get hit with a wraith stunner instead of a P-90.
BECKETT: What if he sees us first?
FORD: He'll probably hear you first.
BECKETT: Are you telling me to shut up again?
FORD: Again!
The Defiant One
Sheppard: I took some fire.
McKay: Are you injured?
Sheppard: Yeah, that's what I mean by "I took some fire."
Sheppard: Don't let go of the controls!
McKay: Snapping doesn't help!
Sheppard: This is why parents get someone else to teach their kids how to drive.
McKay: I'm both insulted and touched by that.
SHEPPARD: Ease up on the controls a little.
McKAY: I’m fine.
SHEPPARD: You’re gonna snap the damn things off. Ease up!
McKAY: I’m just seeing what this baby can do.
ABRAMS: Did you just say “this baby”?
McKAY: That’s perfectly appropriate space pilot parlance.
SHEPPARD: Try to fly the “baby” in a straight line.
McKAY: I am flying in a straight line.
(A screen appears superimposed over the windshield. It shows a straight line in comparison to the route that Rodney is flying, which is all over the place.)
SHEPPARD: Not so much.
(A small glowing light appears out of a mound and flies around the men, emitting a high buzzing sound.)
McKAY (nervously): Oh, what’s that?
GAUL: Is it a bug?
SHEPPARD: A space bug.
ABRAMS (checking a lifesigns detector): It’s giving off a pretty strong lifesigns reading.
McKAY: Uh, OK, did I mention how allergic I was to bee stings?
SHEPPARD: Maybe he smells the food.
GAUL: Maybe he’s just smelling the girlish fear.
Hot Zone
McKAY: "You’re only gonna have thirty seconds once you release it before it explodes. You need to get as far away as you can."
SHEPPARD: "Get as far away from the nuclear explosion as possible - that’s good advice, Rodney, thanks!"
McKAY: "Hays and I were infected at the same time. There’s only one thing that explains why I survived."
BECKETT: "Rodney has the Ancient gene; Hays did not."
WEIR: "But Rodney is not an Ancient."
BECKETT: "Aye, but he’s been inoculated with the ATA gene."
WEIR: "You’re saying the virus is designed to only kill humans?!"
McKAY: Well, I’m human!"
BECKETT: "Yes, yes, we’re making a point, Rodney."
Peterson: So, wait, what, we’re just gonna stay here?
McKay: That’s the plan, yes.
Peterson: May I say it’s a terrible one?
McKay: No, you may not.
McKay: Okay... I should be dead now.
Zelenka: Interesting...
McKay: Interesting?!
Sanctuary
Chaya (Eating strawberries): Mmmm, this is delicious.
Sheppard: Well enjoy it while you can because it's the last of what we have.
Chaya: Then I am honored.
Sheppard: When McKay finds out he's gonna kill me.
Chaya: Athar will save you.
Sheppard (Laughing): Oh, good.
SHEPPARD: Wish I knew what that was.
FORD: Looked like lightning.
SHEPPARD: Space lightning?
MCKAY: I already said it’s some sort of energy weapon. One that apparently destroys Wraith darts.
FORD: Nice but… why them and not us?
MCKAY: Well assuming that we’re still alive… and there doesn’t seem to be any damage as a result of the pulse, I think we can safely conclude that ah… um… um… I got nothing. *Ford turns away* I got nothing to conclude. I’m just…talking for the sake of talking.
SHEPPARD: You’re sure you’re ok?
MCKAY: You know how much I hate certain death?
SHEPPARD: You’re alive!
McKay: Word of caution. The whole Captain Kirk routine is problematic, to say the least, let alone morally dubious.
Sheppard: What routine?
McKay: Romancing the alien priestess… it's very 1967 of you.
McKay: What, I'm not allowed to have intuition?
Weir: You? No
Before I Sleep
McKay (over the radio): "Before you go, you see anything better than our current quarters?"
Sheppard: "A few. Some of them are pretty nice, actually."
McKay: "Well, what kind of square footage are we talking about?"
Sheppard: "What am I, your realtor, Rodney? We’re here to unlock the secrets of Atlantis."
Woman: It worked.
McKay: What was that?
Weir: She said, “It worked.”
McKay: What’s that mean?
Sheppard: I assume something worked.
McKay: Yes, that’s very sharp!
Sheppard: Thank you.
Ford: Is time travel even possible?
McKay: Well, according to Einstein's general theory of relativity, there's nothing in the laws of physics to prevent it. Extremely difficult to achieve, mind you. You need the technology to manipulate black holes to create wormholes not only though points in space, but time.
Sheppard: Not to mention a really nice DeLorean.
McKay: Don't even get me started on that movie!
Sheppard: I liked that movie!
TEYLA: You are saying this woman is still alive.
BECKETT and McKAY (simultaneously): Yes.
McKAY: Lifesigns systems indicate viability. According to the initial data I’ve been able to access, she’s been in that chamber for ten thousand years.
FORD: Ten thousand years?!
SHEPPARD: Doesn’t look a day over nine thousand.
The Brotherhood
McKay: Shut up, please. I’m trying to think.
Sheppard: Don’t tell me to shut up, Rodney. My life’s at stake.
McKay: Exactly, so simmer down and let me save it.
Beckett: For the last time; I’m a doctor not a bloody fighter pilot!
Sheppard: Heard the term two heads are better than one?
McKay: It’s a common misconception.
Sheppard (to Kolya): Give me the gun. I’ll shoot him myself.
Letters from Pegasus
FORD (turns on camera): "OK, go."
BECKETT: "Hello, Mum! I hope this message finds you well. I trust your petunias are in full bloom by now. Oh, and I do hope you’re keeping up with the ointment I gave you. If you’ve adhered to the regime, the fungus should have cleared up by now." (He looks at Ford) "What’s wrong?"
FORD: "Dude, fungus?!"
BECKETT: "On her toenails! I thought you said no one would watch this except my family?"
FORD: "Yeah, but, but, fungus?!"
Elizabeth: "Well, we knew they were coming; at least now we know when."
John: "That's something."
Rodney: "That's something?!"
John: "It means there's still time, Rodney. There's no reason to panic... yet."
Teyla: "Where there is time, there is hope."
Elizabeth: "Agreed. So, recommendations?"
Carson: "Other than panic?!"
Elizabeth: "Other than panic, yes."
McKay: No, no, no! You don't do that - unless you are deliberately trying to blow us up - in which case, excellent work!
Beckett: What shall I say?
Ford: Uh, uh, "I miss you?" "I wish you were here?"
Beckett: I wish who was here?
Ford: I don't know. Who do you wish was here?
Beckett: Nobody! I wish I wasn't bloody here!
Beckett: And if there's one thing I've discovered about we Earthlings, we're a scrappy bunch. I wouldn't be surprised if I bring back...
Ford: Doc, you can't say "Earthlings"! Your mother doesn't have security clearance.
Beckett: She knows I'm from Earth, son; it's not a bloody secret!
Ford: Oh, right.
Dr. Miko (describing McKay): He's a very honorable and brave man.
(in a flashback)
McKay: Oh! Ah! Ah! Okay, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp! Ow! Ow! Ow!
(Zelenka describes in Czech on camera how Atlantis rose from the bottom of the ocean.)
Ford: "Erm... you didn't say anything that needed security clearance did you?"
Zelenka: "...Security clearance?"
The Gift
WEIR: "According to Doctor Zelenka’s calculations, we have less than one week before the Wraith arrive. I want options."
McKAY: "You mean, besides crying ourselves to sleep?" (Zelenka looks at him.) "Well, not me! I haven’t slept in days."
WEIR: "And what do you have to show for your sleepless nights, Rodney?"
McKAY: "Well, since we’ve got here, we’ve uncovered a number of defensive weapons systems beyond the shield. Wh-"
ZELENKA: "We think our best option is the control chair."
McKAY: "I was gonna say that."
ZELENKA: "Yes, but you were taking too long, as usual."
Weir: I wonder...
(pause with silence)
McKay: Just so you know, you didn't actually finish that sentence out loud.
Kavanagh: We can't possibly consider staying and fighting.
Sheppard: I disagree. I think it's entirely within the realm of possibility.
Kavanagh: There are tens of thousands of life-sucking aliens in highly advanced spaceships on their way here to destroy us, and we have -- what? -- two hundred people, most of whom are scientists who've never even fired a gun before.
McKay: Shockingly, first time ever I've found myself having to agree with Kavanagh.
Sheppard: All I'm saying is, let's not give up -- just yet.
McKay: Now what was that we were supposed to all remember? It was something important ... uh, oh yes, that's right -- the Alamo!
The Seige part 1
McKay: If it seems like we can't fix it, we'll just turn round and come back. Now I realise I am invaluable everywhere ...
Zelenka: You know what? Forget about it. I take it back.
McKay: Sorry...
Zelenka: No!
McKay: You can't take it back because you've just admitted that I am smarter than you are!
Zelenka: I admitted no such thing!
McKay: It was hard for you to say but the truth shone through and you were compelled to speak!
Zelenka: You are a miserable little man!
McKay: Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey, let's not ruin the moment here, eh?
McKay: This is bad! Very bad! I'm not sure I can fix this.
Grodin: You can fix anything.
McKay: Who told you that?
Grodin: You did, on several occasions.
McKay: Well, you're right. It's probably a good thing I drew the short straw.
Grodin: That's more like it!