(no subject)
hi live journal. i havent posted in awhile so i guess i'll update my life a little.
the second quarter of school has started. i got accepted to kent [and won a $200.00 book scholarship]. 3 months til i graduate. i can't wait, i can't take school anymore.... butttt im really afraid to grow up and leave. life goes so fast and you dont realize it til your 18 instead of 8 and your like, dude... where did everything go. we visit elementary schools and preschools for service, and its like, i miss being that age so badly. i miss elementary school [which i neverrr thought i'd say] i just want to go back and take my time and make every second count. i'm also nervous to graduate because that means only one more month with dj til he leaves. i am proud of him, and try to be happy about it, but really.. what is there to be happy about? i've ALWAYS disliked the word "marines"... usually when i saw a commerical or anything with the word "marines" in it the phrase "fuck the marines" came out of my mouth. what's so good about it? i mean there goes my boyfriend, away for months, possibly going to a pointless war that is getting nowhere. i don't know why he decided to do it, i guess because ethan talked him into it, because in all honesty he just pulled it out of his ass one day and told me he signed up. and it kinda of makes me think like.. why would he? he is so smart and is ranked in the top 15 of his class. he has so much going for him.. but i guess he really needs the money for college.. thats why he's doing it. it's just really hard to think about him leaving, especially because i've finally found someone so great, who is here, and someone who cares. he is like my other half and the only person i don't get annoyed with. i've delt so much with the whole 'leaving' aspect i'm not exactly thrilled to have to say goodbye to someone i care about again, it's just starting to get so hard to let go all the time. but, thats life. and we'll be okay. speaking of letting go... lauren and i talked about phillips lieing problem, and her and i are cool now. it's kinda weird, but whatever. he told me to stop talking to him about 3 weeksish ago [his choice, not hers], and i havent since. it's been really hard, not lie, since we had just got back to being okay with each others relationships and best friends again. but its probably for the better.
celebrate is getting better. the only thing bothering me is not getting the eucharist witness. like, it is actually tearing me up and i really didn't think i cared that much. i just feel as though i have so much to say and a lot to share with the juniors and teach them than the girl who is doing it does. but its whatever now i guess. alexis and i resolved our problems. i actually have been praying more, which is something i never used to do. the whole religion thing is just such an awkward concept for me. i believe in god... but i question it so much.. like, how do we know its all real? what if this whole catholic thing is really the devil tricking us or something? what if we are all wasting our time because really its all fake and theres nothing? but then i think about miracles, and faith, and hope. and you just have to believe in somthing because if you don't you'll be miserable and then it all kinda of makes sense in a ridiculously mixed up way. lent started, and i really hope i can keep the lenten promises i've made.
megan's due date is between march 31 and april 9. she is having a baby boy. i am so excited. he kicks all the time, and his pictures are beautiful. the day she has it i know im leaving school and i'll be in tears as soon as he pops out. she asked me to be the godmother, which was a really amazing feeling. it was so hard not being friends with her, and its so great knowing we're back to where we used to be, if not better, and she trusts me and loves me enough to be the godmother of her child. i can't wait until her baby shower. i pray for her all the time and hope for the best. she deserves it. she's back in school, and finishing everything. i'm so proud of her, she's really going to be someone some day.
my job situation sucks really really bad. brusters closed in december and was supposed to reopen in march, but now there is a for sale sign up and the word "brusters" was taken off of the building. i worked at panera for like, a month and it was hell. i just flat out quit one day and didnt go in. so i've been jobless for about a month and a week. i've applied to some places but noone has called yet and im really struggling. my mom doesn't have any money to give me, and i've asked my dad for too much, i feel bad to ask him for anymore. i owe the library money and the video store money and i don't have it. i want to get something great for dj for valentines day + his brithday. i want to get a membership to the ymca. i need clothes. theres so much that i need money for and it's just not workin out for me.
my dad backed into my car 2 weeks ago... the hood is all crunched up and the lights are bent, so i'm basically bird watching when driving at night. i hit some pot holes and my wheel is bent and the air is always low... its not looking too great. i feel bad that he has to pay for that. i've been hanging out with him on thursdays which has been nice. he's so lonely, i feel so bad for him.
other than that, everything is good. my friends are absolutly amazing. we have so much fun. theres been a bunch of double/tripple dates with me and dj; holly and ethan; nick and delanie; megan and mark. and ang and katie and marc all sneak in too. haha. for wake-a-thon tim'aira, me, delanie, holly, and ashley are doing a crank that everything dance for the talent show. its guna be tight :)
the second quarter of school has started. i got accepted to kent [and won a $200.00 book scholarship]. 3 months til i graduate. i can't wait, i can't take school anymore.... butttt im really afraid to grow up and leave. life goes so fast and you dont realize it til your 18 instead of 8 and your like, dude... where did everything go. we visit elementary schools and preschools for service, and its like, i miss being that age so badly. i miss elementary school [which i neverrr thought i'd say] i just want to go back and take my time and make every second count. i'm also nervous to graduate because that means only one more month with dj til he leaves. i am proud of him, and try to be happy about it, but really.. what is there to be happy about? i've ALWAYS disliked the word "marines"... usually when i saw a commerical or anything with the word "marines" in it the phrase "fuck the marines" came out of my mouth. what's so good about it? i mean there goes my boyfriend, away for months, possibly going to a pointless war that is getting nowhere. i don't know why he decided to do it, i guess because ethan talked him into it, because in all honesty he just pulled it out of his ass one day and told me he signed up. and it kinda of makes me think like.. why would he? he is so smart and is ranked in the top 15 of his class. he has so much going for him.. but i guess he really needs the money for college.. thats why he's doing it. it's just really hard to think about him leaving, especially because i've finally found someone so great, who is here, and someone who cares. he is like my other half and the only person i don't get annoyed with. i've delt so much with the whole 'leaving' aspect i'm not exactly thrilled to have to say goodbye to someone i care about again, it's just starting to get so hard to let go all the time. but, thats life. and we'll be okay. speaking of letting go... lauren and i talked about phillips lieing problem, and her and i are cool now. it's kinda weird, but whatever. he told me to stop talking to him about 3 weeksish ago [his choice, not hers], and i havent since. it's been really hard, not lie, since we had just got back to being okay with each others relationships and best friends again. but its probably for the better.
celebrate is getting better. the only thing bothering me is not getting the eucharist witness. like, it is actually tearing me up and i really didn't think i cared that much. i just feel as though i have so much to say and a lot to share with the juniors and teach them than the girl who is doing it does. but its whatever now i guess. alexis and i resolved our problems. i actually have been praying more, which is something i never used to do. the whole religion thing is just such an awkward concept for me. i believe in god... but i question it so much.. like, how do we know its all real? what if this whole catholic thing is really the devil tricking us or something? what if we are all wasting our time because really its all fake and theres nothing? but then i think about miracles, and faith, and hope. and you just have to believe in somthing because if you don't you'll be miserable and then it all kinda of makes sense in a ridiculously mixed up way. lent started, and i really hope i can keep the lenten promises i've made.
megan's due date is between march 31 and april 9. she is having a baby boy. i am so excited. he kicks all the time, and his pictures are beautiful. the day she has it i know im leaving school and i'll be in tears as soon as he pops out. she asked me to be the godmother, which was a really amazing feeling. it was so hard not being friends with her, and its so great knowing we're back to where we used to be, if not better, and she trusts me and loves me enough to be the godmother of her child. i can't wait until her baby shower. i pray for her all the time and hope for the best. she deserves it. she's back in school, and finishing everything. i'm so proud of her, she's really going to be someone some day.
my job situation sucks really really bad. brusters closed in december and was supposed to reopen in march, but now there is a for sale sign up and the word "brusters" was taken off of the building. i worked at panera for like, a month and it was hell. i just flat out quit one day and didnt go in. so i've been jobless for about a month and a week. i've applied to some places but noone has called yet and im really struggling. my mom doesn't have any money to give me, and i've asked my dad for too much, i feel bad to ask him for anymore. i owe the library money and the video store money and i don't have it. i want to get something great for dj for valentines day + his brithday. i want to get a membership to the ymca. i need clothes. theres so much that i need money for and it's just not workin out for me.
my dad backed into my car 2 weeks ago... the hood is all crunched up and the lights are bent, so i'm basically bird watching when driving at night. i hit some pot holes and my wheel is bent and the air is always low... its not looking too great. i feel bad that he has to pay for that. i've been hanging out with him on thursdays which has been nice. he's so lonely, i feel so bad for him.
other than that, everything is good. my friends are absolutly amazing. we have so much fun. theres been a bunch of double/tripple dates with me and dj; holly and ethan; nick and delanie; megan and mark. and ang and katie and marc all sneak in too. haha. for wake-a-thon tim'aira, me, delanie, holly, and ashley are doing a crank that everything dance for the talent show. its guna be tight :)