Geshem.
It rained today, and yesterday, and is forecast to rain through Friday morning, take a break, then resume again. Tomorrow/today is the holiday that is the 8th Day of Assembly, that is to say the last day of Sukkot. As it is a fall holiday, it is the time in Israel when one starts praying for rain as opposed to the morning dew. I live in a temperate rainforest; we don't need no prayers, we need really good galoshes. This is not fun Florida rain in which one plays frisbee, this is cold drizzly rain that occasionally comes down harder and cold, and you get your gear on and don't play games out in it.
My rabbi asked me on Saturday if I could lead Geshem, the prayer for rain. I said "well, I don't know it, but I might maybe could by Tuesday. Let's go under the assumption it's you unless I come in Tuesday morning saying I know it." I asked my sister for help with the melody, as she is a cantor and knows all the melodies. She did not provide it for me until 5:30 this afternoon, when I was making dinner. I didn't listen to it until about 8. I didn't practice it until... well, I've sung it once or twice now, and I do not have the focus to get through it. I seem to have the focus to write this, which I didn't expect honestly. Maybe because this isn't actually focus, it's an outlet.
I am allowed to tell the rabbi "I don't know that, and I can't get to it." or "Boker tov; I can't do geshem, you'll have to cover that part." or "Nope, I've never done it before and couldn't even find a good relatable version to sing from Youtube videos." Or I could not even explain myself and stick to "You'll need to do it, sorry." She likes my voice, and she appreciates my leading, and she appreciates what I do, and she knows I have a full-time job and a challenging home life, and that my MIL got injured... she would not think worse of me for not being able to do this. Pretty sure. I am not actually a cantor. I am actually not.
It's been ~28 days since my last period; I'm hoping my hormones are really flooding me right now and that's why I'm feeling so much and making stupid eating decisions and feeling kind of overwhelmed. I made good food Saturday, and last night; we ate all meals that didn't take place during rain in the sukkah. I am leading musaf tomorrow, and shacharit on Simchat Torah. I don't expect a full minyan in the sanctuary that would enable us to take out the Torah, but I wouldn't be surprised if we pull it off and get 10-12, no more than that.
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My rabbi asked me on Saturday if I could lead Geshem, the prayer for rain. I said "well, I don't know it, but I might maybe could by Tuesday. Let's go under the assumption it's you unless I come in Tuesday morning saying I know it." I asked my sister for help with the melody, as she is a cantor and knows all the melodies. She did not provide it for me until 5:30 this afternoon, when I was making dinner. I didn't listen to it until about 8. I didn't practice it until... well, I've sung it once or twice now, and I do not have the focus to get through it. I seem to have the focus to write this, which I didn't expect honestly. Maybe because this isn't actually focus, it's an outlet.
I am allowed to tell the rabbi "I don't know that, and I can't get to it." or "Boker tov; I can't do geshem, you'll have to cover that part." or "Nope, I've never done it before and couldn't even find a good relatable version to sing from Youtube videos." Or I could not even explain myself and stick to "You'll need to do it, sorry." She likes my voice, and she appreciates my leading, and she appreciates what I do, and she knows I have a full-time job and a challenging home life, and that my MIL got injured... she would not think worse of me for not being able to do this. Pretty sure. I am not actually a cantor. I am actually not.
It's been ~28 days since my last period; I'm hoping my hormones are really flooding me right now and that's why I'm feeling so much and making stupid eating decisions and feeling kind of overwhelmed. I made good food Saturday, and last night; we ate all meals that didn't take place during rain in the sukkah. I am leading musaf tomorrow, and shacharit on Simchat Torah. I don't expect a full minyan in the sanctuary that would enable us to take out the Torah, but I wouldn't be surprised if we pull it off and get 10-12, no more than that.
This entry was originally posted at https://avivasedai.dreamwidth.org/751628.html. Please comment there using OpenID.