(no subject)
Lesson #5: I am never upset for the reason I think I am.
This was actually quite a revelation. Part of the lesson is first recognizing when you are upset. I didn't realize how constantly upset I am. I go through my day fluctuating through levels of being upset. Sometimes it is minor, dirty shoes, Veda scratching my face, my hair is messy. Sometimes it is larger, like my chronic lonely depression, feelings of failure and futility and raging jealousy. But I am always upset. I so rarely (never?) feel happy or peaceful. I suspect that this is true for many people.
I have met people who just seem happy in general, and it always strikes me as something different, something abnormal. Happiness is very attractive. Heather is mostly happy, which is one of the reasons I was attracted to her. It is actually less now, now that she worries about school and work more, and is always compromising with her time. I hear that familiar strain in her voice. She sounds more like me. This is tragic, but I'm sure it's common. Something is wrong here, with the way we live. I am reminded again of the necessity for change.
So, I am never upset for the reason I think I am.
This was actually quite a revelation. Part of the lesson is first recognizing when you are upset. I didn't realize how constantly upset I am. I go through my day fluctuating through levels of being upset. Sometimes it is minor, dirty shoes, Veda scratching my face, my hair is messy. Sometimes it is larger, like my chronic lonely depression, feelings of failure and futility and raging jealousy. But I am always upset. I so rarely (never?) feel happy or peaceful. I suspect that this is true for many people.
I have met people who just seem happy in general, and it always strikes me as something different, something abnormal. Happiness is very attractive. Heather is mostly happy, which is one of the reasons I was attracted to her. It is actually less now, now that she worries about school and work more, and is always compromising with her time. I hear that familiar strain in her voice. She sounds more like me. This is tragic, but I'm sure it's common. Something is wrong here, with the way we live. I am reminded again of the necessity for change.
So, I am never upset for the reason I think I am.