(no subject)
Mmm, so, earlier today, when I planned on writing here, Veda was sitting on the bed about a foot away from me and the computer, playing with some of her toys. Then, suddenly, she leaped across my lap with arms outstretched, energetically reaching for the keyboard. I had no idea she could do that. But now she is sleeping.
I have a headache today, and woke up this morning in a very foul mood. I would have preferred to go back to sleep and forget about being alive, but I no longer have the luxury of doing such things. Later, I was thinking it is probably a good thing that I am here, alone, with nothing much to do. It is making me depressed and uncomfortable and lonely, but that is a good thing because it is forcing me to rethink my thought processes, my attachments. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about that failed relationship with the doctor, thinking about him with Maria, thinking about all the things I've lost. These are not productive thoughts; I do not like them.
It's easy enough to envision an eventual goal. I'd like to be able to let things go, not to dwell on the past, to be able to meet the present moment, and to respond with awareness in everyday situations. To name a few. I'd like to be at peace. I still can't really envision happiness for myself, but peace I could handle. And I'd like to be able to relate to other people/beings with compassion and empathy.
It is harder to see the steps by which I might realize that goal. All I know is that what I am doing now is not working. The doctor suggests meditation, which I agree with, but somehow I manage to avoid actually sitting down to do it. Admittedly, it's harder with a baby but not impossible. I think that there are other avenues though. For example, I was reading today a magazine article about eating. I guess it was nominally based on T. Colin Campbell's The China Study. It was suggesting that we ought not to be eating animal-based foods, sugar, or flour, and instead eat green, leafy things. Okay, that sounds familiar, but, wait. Flour? that means bread, and muffins! And animal based foods means all animal foods: milk, yogurt, cheese, eggs, as well as meat. As drastic as that sounds to a non-vegetarian like me, it makes a lot of sense. All organisms do best in the environment they have evolved in. That's the basic premise of the continuum concept thing I'm trying to do with Veda. I don't see flour or cow's milk on our evolutionary menu. Those are very recent developments. As for meat, I'll have to read the book.
I can avoid meditating, but I can't avoid eating. So why not try changing that? I think I will have to try it. Other thoughts too, but my shoulder is cramping up from sitting in this weird position with Veda on my lap. And it is late and time for bed.
I have a headache today, and woke up this morning in a very foul mood. I would have preferred to go back to sleep and forget about being alive, but I no longer have the luxury of doing such things. Later, I was thinking it is probably a good thing that I am here, alone, with nothing much to do. It is making me depressed and uncomfortable and lonely, but that is a good thing because it is forcing me to rethink my thought processes, my attachments. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about that failed relationship with the doctor, thinking about him with Maria, thinking about all the things I've lost. These are not productive thoughts; I do not like them.
It's easy enough to envision an eventual goal. I'd like to be able to let things go, not to dwell on the past, to be able to meet the present moment, and to respond with awareness in everyday situations. To name a few. I'd like to be at peace. I still can't really envision happiness for myself, but peace I could handle. And I'd like to be able to relate to other people/beings with compassion and empathy.
It is harder to see the steps by which I might realize that goal. All I know is that what I am doing now is not working. The doctor suggests meditation, which I agree with, but somehow I manage to avoid actually sitting down to do it. Admittedly, it's harder with a baby but not impossible. I think that there are other avenues though. For example, I was reading today a magazine article about eating. I guess it was nominally based on T. Colin Campbell's The China Study. It was suggesting that we ought not to be eating animal-based foods, sugar, or flour, and instead eat green, leafy things. Okay, that sounds familiar, but, wait. Flour? that means bread, and muffins! And animal based foods means all animal foods: milk, yogurt, cheese, eggs, as well as meat. As drastic as that sounds to a non-vegetarian like me, it makes a lot of sense. All organisms do best in the environment they have evolved in. That's the basic premise of the continuum concept thing I'm trying to do with Veda. I don't see flour or cow's milk on our evolutionary menu. Those are very recent developments. As for meat, I'll have to read the book.
I can avoid meditating, but I can't avoid eating. So why not try changing that? I think I will have to try it. Other thoughts too, but my shoulder is cramping up from sitting in this weird position with Veda on my lap. And it is late and time for bed.