"The GBF Phenomenon..."

[draion]

I wish this community were a lot more active.

I couldn't help but think about a certain post left in the fashin community not too long ago, about gay best friends being a "must-have accessory" for many teenage girls (as well as women).

Comments

[unkaaron]

Even when I was a young and pretty little gay (ha!), I never found myself in relationships with *those* types of girls (or even guys) because it never interested me to be with people who seemed that shallow or incomplete that they needed any type of 'accessory' to complete them, much less refer to a human being as an accessory.

In high school I had a lot of friends who were girls, same in college and beyond, I always found myself with the girls. Even now I almost always get a fast connection or form fast friends with females instead of men. I don't consider myself feminine, nor am I flamboyant... I just connect better w/ women.

I do make friends with men (straight or otherwise), it just seems to take a lot longer.

[draion]

Are you me? Seriously.

In high school, I had my close friends, and for the sake of being shallow and typecasting, I'll say that we could have fit the 'oddball' clause of the high school clique collection, because we didn't care to judge others either. I was lucky not to become close to such insecure people that treat other human beings as accessories or token friends.

Like you, I am not very feminine or flamboyant, but the connection comes across so much more quickly with women. I just love them, because, on the whole, they seem to be more communicative. Also like you, I make friends with guys, but it's so hard to find the ones who aren't so shrouded by their masculinity to actually let someone get to their inner core, let alone another guy. And gay guys, they're not easy to find... at least, the ones I can connect with. :|

Thanks for sharing! Everything I went on about had to do with persona... not image, which so many people unfortunately make priority when it comes to their friends, as this article very clearly shows.

[toxic_swamp]

guys, im the same

[draion]

sometimes i wish i was born without a brain that thinks like mine and i could be a happy lil camper like most other gays!

Tell me about it! Why do I have to want a fulfilling, lasting, monogamous relationship? Why must we want full-on love instead of a fuck buddy!? We're destined to be alone forever because of it~

As for starting to feel a bit more left out with your friends, I'm sorry to hear that. I've some close girls that are in very long-lasting relationships, and I can see them all being engaged about a year from now, or less. Watch them ask me to be the flower girl. An offer I would only very humbly accept.

You seem to have a little bit of a defeatist attitude about connecting guys as well as you do with girls, and I don't think you should just let it go. There are a lot of good guys out there, and for as hard as they are to find [offline], they're definitely there. I guess it takes patience.

[fufu_thing]

Yeah man. That's fucked up.

[draion]

I know, right? Not to mention, it's on Teen Vogue, which can be the Bible to many tweens. Those being the ones that follow the latest trends and care for superficial things more than a rational person should. THOSE BEING THE MAJORITY, UGH!

I can't say I'm surprised, though. It's an easy and accurate outlet to blame, but you know how the ~media~ is. Take a collective whole, make some personalities for them, and anyone from the outside will immediately perceive anyone of that social group to be any one of those personalities, and nothing else. This article shows that in treating us like accessories. Because we ALL want to hang around with girls 24/7, discussing the latest trends in men, clothing, movies, and all. People will never stop making us secondary, even if it seems as playful as making us some sort of best friend accessory. What the fuck?

[nikolche]

I HATE the "you're gay so you must be my personal fashionista!" thing. I'm not the most masculine of guys and I went to cosmetology school, but that doesn't mean I'm some sort of ditzy pet for people to drag around. I am a person and I expect to be treated as such.

Now, I love my female friends, but that's because they respect me as an individual. I've had women try to pull the "you're so cute, be my new gay BFF!" thing on me and it's always a huge turn off. Even I don't place that much emphasis on my sexuality, certainly no one else should. Besides, they're usually disappointed when they find out I'm more interested in going to an SCA event or soccer game than spending an evening critiquing every item in their wardrobe.

[draion]

Haha, has it seriously been that blatant with you? I've heard cases about guys having women literally going to them, "Can you be my gay best friend?" Hm, can you be my new shallow tool of a companion? If so, let's make magic!

I myself am not that into fashion (enough to be lurking fashin, though, haha), and I really don't care to make someone's style or image a priority. I like clothes, I like models, but it's really just a small fondness. I like being around girls, but I don't want to be a girl. That's not what I am. The whole "gay best friend" thing is just a convincing placebo for them, because, like the article accurately stated, the straight guys tend to develop feelings for a girl, and the girls just judge and get stuck in their inconsequential, tween life drama. This is all just making it clear that people don't look past social constructs, but instead use it to determine how a person is, or what they'll be like. It's disgusting

[nikolche]

It takes a, shall we say, special kind of woman to be that blunt, but yes, it has happened. They usually mean well, but they're also not the kind of people I normally am friends with just in general. For all my more flaming traits, I'm not big on having friends who do nothing more than gossip and party. Too much of a geek.

What's funny is that I've actually had more romance drama with my straight girl friends than my straight guy ones. A couple of women have managed to develop minor romantic feelings which always gets tricky and there've been more than a few issues with guys who are bi. With straight guys the only romantic feelings I have to worry about are my own. I'm not generally as close to them as I am to my women and gay guy friends, but there's definitely less angst.

[draion]

A special kind, indeed! Hahaha. I'm the very same way. I've many more possessions than fashion, gossip, and partying. One of my favorite quotes is, "Great people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people," from Albert Einstein (I credit meridianchild for showing me it).

Ah, speaking of the mix of sexes and sexual orientation, I tend to be friends with girls who are bi, or at least open to anything LGBT (which they pretty much have to be, if they're that close to me).

I can only imagine what it'd be like with girl friends trying to pursue you seriously... I definitely understand what you're saying, though. We're all going to have crushes on straight guys, so we have to learn how to let our emotions simmer more quickly than others, I think. Easier said than done. Ha.

[artkouros]

Nothing livens up a community like a discussion about gay best friends being a "must-have accessory" for many teenage girls.

[draion]

I sense sarcasm in this comment, and I hope I'm wrong.

It's gotten some pretty good reception, and it pertains to gay men, so I don't see anything wrong with posting it.

This community should be a lot more lively, I think. I used to lurk here a lot, when it was a bit more active, and I'm hoping it becomes like that more. Better to start conversation than to check every once in a while in hopes of a good one occurring, right?

[saint_incisor]

i love being an accessory.
/sarcasm

[draion]