Heya. Just a newb! :)
Hey everyone! My name's Kev. I'm new here and all that good jive. I live in Columbia, South Carolina (kinda lame lol but what can ya do). I'm 23, I study music, and I'm not really gay...but definitely not straight either haha. Call it pansexual, call it bisexual, call it whatever. But at any rate there is a fairly pressing recurring issue that I've
( Read more... )
Just like you, I've found that a lot of LGBT (mainly gay, in my case) seem to intertwine sex with emotion. This is speaking generally, as you are, because it's evident that not everyone is like that. I'm real secure about being gay, and I've come across a lot of guys that were closeted, realizing they were gay, self-loathing, and the like. I'm really communicative and give a lot of effort to someone who's not feeling well with being gay, because I want to show them that there's nothing wrong with it at all. Well, each time I've done it, the guys seem to try to take it past a level of platonic love and appreciation for each other. The problem is that they tend to harbor insecurities about themselves (naturally... I mean, self-esteem shifts don't happen overnight), and I can't seem to like them. I'm not saying that I'm some magnet or anything, but I've noticed that the gay guys I've wanted to get close to platonically have wanted to take it further, so I get where you're coming from. It doesn't bother me that they like me, it bothers me that I believe that they think they like me because I'm myself, but, honestly, it's just the truth: the excitement of being with a guy after accepting such a big part of themselves tends to envelop them, and, naturally, as the one that's helped them, I'm the object of desire, when I really know they're mainly looking for someone who could potentially like them to be a companion, or, as I've come to realize, a fuck buddy. :| Lust and appreciation tend to be mixed up a bit.
I digress, though. That was kind of a little personal anecdote that comes from my small frustrations with personal events. The race issue, that's something I'm going to have to limit myself on. I'm a dark-skinned Dominican, so I pass as black (I'm pretty sure it's my race? It's unclear in my family; we're very indigenous, but I'm the darkest person in the family, and when you see me, you see a black guy, haha).
Homosexuality isn't racially exclusive, obviously, so, as long as racism exists, it will be included in the gay community. It's not like it's a grand problem, but it's not exactly small-scale either. I joined this forum for gay youth a couple of years ago, in an attempt to be able to communicate with other gay guys (to create friendships, as you seek). It was a pretty traditional new member post I made, and I was pretty welcomed... however, I did browse the place a bit before I joined, and there was a fair amount of vulgar racism from some members. Go fig, some neo-conservatives exist in the gay community. It's a reality, and I was reminded of it when I was being trolled. I didn't really go back for long, because I personally found it to be boring, and when it wasn't, I'd have to stand up for myself because of my skin color. I joined seeking comfort, and left feeling uncomfortable. Again, I know where you're coming from.
I've come to find that a lot of interracial relationships lie in gay/lesbian couples, though. I don't know the statistics (nor am I caring enough to find them, haha), but I observe more within the gay community than the straight one. It's not a race war, for the most part, but it's certainly not a non-issue either. All I care about is who's attractive to me overall, and I don't place their race as a priority. Looks aren't that important to me, to sacrifice a potential great love.
I'm going on forever, and I have so much more to say, haha, but I'll end it here. I hope that you're able to find any friends of the LGBT spectrum (with an emphasis on the G), because it's nice to be able to share yourself in a way that someone could completely empathize with. I'm hoping to find the same in the near future, so good luck to the both of us. :D
Reply
Thanks for such a thoughtful response ^_^ your situation and mine are quite different (the first you described). I've only been the "come out to" guy for a brief stint in HS and I remember quite well exactly what you described haha. But since then I've steered clear of such warning signs that would indicate their "coming out to me-ness". I simply talk to them if they have questions but other than that their decision is theirs alone to make...they often look to me for clarity and persuasion...I often tell them to just be okay with whatever consequences arise from THEIR decision lol. BUT as far as the platonic care and affection bit...that gets annoying; disappointing really. I mean is it really THAT difficult to separate sex, love, and friendship in the gay community?? And I do agree that lust and appreciation get mixed up most odiously.
As far as race is concerned, I believe that IF racism exists (which honestly its easy to say "yes its everywhere" but I'm not too sure about that) in the gay community its so sparse and/or SO faint that it probably wouldn't even fit into the category. Race as I know it only comes into play when referring to "sex"...where discrimination (as it is in mainstream society) becomes simply "preference" (in gay society...see how it NOW barely fits the category of racism?)...which is of course blended with ignorance...gays have a bad habit of wanting almost exclusively what culture and media tells them to want (the misfortune with this is that sex is SO intensely interwoven in both venues; it does not take much coaxing to lead a man by the loins...) and thus the issue; two fold: my approaching a gay man becomes an issue of sex pretty much immediately BUT race only becomes an issue when the phrase "I'm not into blacks, sorry" is hurled at you like an invisible force field...no matter how "preferential" that may have been it is still hurtful haha. BUT race is not my issue but it is this: I can understand not wanting anything to do with me because one thinks I'm making a pass (when of course I am not) so once I dispatch such implications why is it then that one STILL treats me like a smelly animal left out in the rain rolling around in the mud??? lol Because one in the gay community has issues with having *friends*...one needs a friend who has "potential" so one must fit his "preferences"...SO FRUSTRATING!! lol
But I have noticed that a lot of interracial relationships happen here (haha oddly enough). Its mostly with the older crowd I noticed.
Anyway I totally don't mind longwindedness lol. Thanks again for your thoughts!
Reply
Leave a comment