To the people who piss you off
Useful Expressions for High-Stress Days
1. Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
4. Do I look like a fucking people person?
5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
7. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
8. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
9. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ...?
10. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
11. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
12. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
13. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
14. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
15. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
16. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
18. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
19. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
20. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
21. It must be awful hard to hear with your head up your ass.
22. I'd agree with you if you were right ...but you're not.
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This letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the luncheon as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all human kind.
Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,
God blesses you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you, for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.
Life is good.
Sincerely, Edna
1. Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
4. Do I look like a fucking people person?
5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
7. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
8. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
9. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ...?
10. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
11. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
12. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
13. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
14. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
15. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
16. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
18. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
19. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
20. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
21. It must be awful hard to hear with your head up your ass.
22. I'd agree with you if you were right ...but you're not.
======================================================================
This letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the luncheon as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all human kind.
Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,
God blesses you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you, for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.
Life is good.
Sincerely, Edna