Very Comtemplative....and Content with decisions made in my life!
I've been thinking a lot about the road my life is now starting to take. I've lost my "best" friend over some VERY stupid things. Yet I haven't went back to her to appologize because why should I bother when she doesn't seem to care she lost me too. Maybe I'm being too stubborn here. Maybe I just should stop and forgive her...We have so much history and so many wonderful moments, but how can I forgive all the hurtful things she did to me. I know maybe I should of talked to her about it but if she had issues with me why didn't she talk to me about it...instead of letting it hit the boliing point and having it cause the destruction of a friendship. I mean we've been friends since we were kids. We live accross the road from each other, her family was like an extension of my own. How am I just supposed to stop caring about someone I've cared about my entire life amd just stop wanting her to be a part of me life? I don't get it. I really don't understand how she could just give up so easily on something we've had for our entire lives. Maybe we both were wrong in the actions we took. Maybe this is the right thing for both of us. For some reason it feels to me like we've burnt a bridge we might need to cross in the future.
I forgave kera when she was trying to steal my boyfriend away. I mean I haven't forgotten about it but I am willing to at least push it aside so that we can see if we really have a friendship worth keeping. Its just been months since I've talked to krystle and this is the first time I've ever really felt like the friendship we had was gone. I know we've definitely had our share of problems, fights and all of that. We're definitely two different people. *Deep Sigh* Why should I try to mend things when she doesn't even care that their broken??
I am really glad I am here this semester. I am really learning a lot about tolerence for other people's view/lifestyles and learing to trust my own opinions. Gabbie and I get along great solely because we are both strong willed people and we both have the same basic beliefs. I think this semester is really going to be a stepping stone for the rest of my life. This semester is really going to be a test of my strengths, weaknesses, willingness to change and adapt, also a test of friendships. I heave tremendous respect for people and yet very little respect for others. I dont base anything on what other people say about them or even what they say about others. Actions speak louder than words. If your going to purposely going to make me feel uncomfortable and not make an effort to just include me and you want me to trust you with everything I am and such. I won't do it because I don't do half way friendships. I've been there and dealt with them and their just not worth my time anymore.
Lately Jason have been appologizing a lot at night when we talk for not being able to be there all the time when he wants to and knows I want him around. As much as I miss him I don't get frustrated with the fact he's not there at my beckon call. I don't expect him to always be around. I love him and loving him knowing he's going to be a marine means loving him from a distance. I may not always want to not have him around but there is no part of me for any length of time would not want to be with him because of that. I would never want to give him up solely because he wasn't there to spend a night with me or even to just be around during the day. At the beginning of our relationship he was around a lot solely because you are building a foundation and you want to make sure its a strong one before you even think of adding distance to the relationship. With jason every step of the way has been perfect. I've always wanted someone who would not just rush into telling me they loved me. I know he's heard me talking about the reasons travis and I broke up and knowing that part of those reasons is because he didn't put forth a effort to talk to me or make me feel loved. I imagine that it would worry him to know those things about my past.
Everything I am right now and everything I was then influences my decisions. I am at a completely different place now then I was last year. I have grown up tremendously in that period of time. I hang out with all sorts of kinds of people and I like having a different crowd that way I am not always stuck with the same thing I've always had. The things I've been through in the past year really have influenced the person I am now. I now know what I want out of life and how I am going to go about to achieve it. I am pretty sure I know where I want my life to go. I know everything might not go according to plan but at least its good to have a plan.
I am really nervous about going over to france to study. I doubt my own abilities when it comes to speaking, writing and reading french. I don't have a doubt I am going to love being over there and having all those opportunities to visit all the cities I've dreamt about visiting but I still have those lingering doubts. I know I am going to miss home incredibly and I am going to miss all of my friends and especially jason. I am going to be completely alone and independent on everything. I guess it just makes me nervous to be so far from home without friends, family or my love. I don't have a single doubt it is going to be a life changing experience and that everything will turn out okay with it. I guess its normal to be nervous about new experiences. That fear won't stop me from going though and jason wouldn't let it either.
I love this semester so much. All of my classes are great and just my overall outlook on life is SO much better than its ever been(thanks to the help of my wonderful boyfriend) and I am so happy. Everything in my life is going the way I want it to. Despite how busy I've made myself and how tiring its all been I am really glad I am doing these things. I need now need to get a car so I possibly go do some volunteer work at the hospital in potsdam(in the "psych" ward). I want to be a well rounded person and make sure that I am a well rounded psychology and french major.
Overall.........Life is good and I am in love with the best person I could have ever fallen in love with.
I forgave kera when she was trying to steal my boyfriend away. I mean I haven't forgotten about it but I am willing to at least push it aside so that we can see if we really have a friendship worth keeping. Its just been months since I've talked to krystle and this is the first time I've ever really felt like the friendship we had was gone. I know we've definitely had our share of problems, fights and all of that. We're definitely two different people. *Deep Sigh* Why should I try to mend things when she doesn't even care that their broken??
I am really glad I am here this semester. I am really learning a lot about tolerence for other people's view/lifestyles and learing to trust my own opinions. Gabbie and I get along great solely because we are both strong willed people and we both have the same basic beliefs. I think this semester is really going to be a stepping stone for the rest of my life. This semester is really going to be a test of my strengths, weaknesses, willingness to change and adapt, also a test of friendships. I heave tremendous respect for people and yet very little respect for others. I dont base anything on what other people say about them or even what they say about others. Actions speak louder than words. If your going to purposely going to make me feel uncomfortable and not make an effort to just include me and you want me to trust you with everything I am and such. I won't do it because I don't do half way friendships. I've been there and dealt with them and their just not worth my time anymore.
Lately Jason have been appologizing a lot at night when we talk for not being able to be there all the time when he wants to and knows I want him around. As much as I miss him I don't get frustrated with the fact he's not there at my beckon call. I don't expect him to always be around. I love him and loving him knowing he's going to be a marine means loving him from a distance. I may not always want to not have him around but there is no part of me for any length of time would not want to be with him because of that. I would never want to give him up solely because he wasn't there to spend a night with me or even to just be around during the day. At the beginning of our relationship he was around a lot solely because you are building a foundation and you want to make sure its a strong one before you even think of adding distance to the relationship. With jason every step of the way has been perfect. I've always wanted someone who would not just rush into telling me they loved me. I know he's heard me talking about the reasons travis and I broke up and knowing that part of those reasons is because he didn't put forth a effort to talk to me or make me feel loved. I imagine that it would worry him to know those things about my past.
Everything I am right now and everything I was then influences my decisions. I am at a completely different place now then I was last year. I have grown up tremendously in that period of time. I hang out with all sorts of kinds of people and I like having a different crowd that way I am not always stuck with the same thing I've always had. The things I've been through in the past year really have influenced the person I am now. I now know what I want out of life and how I am going to go about to achieve it. I am pretty sure I know where I want my life to go. I know everything might not go according to plan but at least its good to have a plan.
I am really nervous about going over to france to study. I doubt my own abilities when it comes to speaking, writing and reading french. I don't have a doubt I am going to love being over there and having all those opportunities to visit all the cities I've dreamt about visiting but I still have those lingering doubts. I know I am going to miss home incredibly and I am going to miss all of my friends and especially jason. I am going to be completely alone and independent on everything. I guess it just makes me nervous to be so far from home without friends, family or my love. I don't have a single doubt it is going to be a life changing experience and that everything will turn out okay with it. I guess its normal to be nervous about new experiences. That fear won't stop me from going though and jason wouldn't let it either.
I love this semester so much. All of my classes are great and just my overall outlook on life is SO much better than its ever been(thanks to the help of my wonderful boyfriend) and I am so happy. Everything in my life is going the way I want it to. Despite how busy I've made myself and how tiring its all been I am really glad I am doing these things. I need now need to get a car so I possibly go do some volunteer work at the hospital in potsdam(in the "psych" ward). I want to be a well rounded person and make sure that I am a well rounded psychology and french major.
Overall.........Life is good and I am in love with the best person I could have ever fallen in love with.