Same. old. shit.
I'm feeling burnt out. I'm procrastinating on a big work thing. I'm feeling tired. I have too much on my plate. I'm taking care of other people. I'm doing a shite job of taking care of myself. He thinks it should be easier for me to prioritize me. It continues to not be. I fantasize about a week to myself somewhere else, without anyone or anything or anywhere that matters. I haven't hidden in a book in two decades. I miss parts of my life that lacked responsibility. Why did I ever think being the SAHP was hard? I don't know anymore if it was harder than anything else, or if it was the support system.
What is it in the ways of support that I feel like I'm not getting? How does me coming for hugs make me feel worse?
Because the truth of it is that it is ALWAYS my responsibility to take care of myself, and I'm not doing a good job. I'm stressing at work for reasons that are probably listed here a million different ways. I'm afraid of failing, although nowhere close to it (yet). I'm not good at speaking up or saying no and continue to take on requests that are maybe out of the sphere or things? But I'm not doing my actual work, I'm venting here about the same. old. shit.
Dreaming of the lotto win. Dreaming of running away. Dreaming of a drive. Dreaming of crying into a pillow and having it make me feel better. Dreaming of having a circle around me that I felt comfortable sharing this with without it becoming some weird drama.
And so I continue to scream into the void. Which is very full of the same. old. shit.