no apologies.
This week has been kind of tough on me. Actually more like the last couple of weeks have been kind of tough on me.
Well, Monday Logan moved to England. Left Zerrin's room a complete disaster area. You name it, it was in there. Dirty clothes of all sorts, adult things shouldn't be left around, he basically left me one hell of a mess to clean up. then I got a hold of his fiance and Amy basically told me in so many words she is no longer my friend.
Logan blocked me first. Then I blocked Amy.
Logan now how has 1 months from the day that he left to make sure that he gets hold of me... Or all of his stuff is now mine to do what I need to.
God has made it very clear that the two guys I've been talking to in my life are not for me. E told me first...and it's no surprise that he was just wanting to be friends, and that's perfectly okay. While E and I were nerding out about certain things, I already figured that he wasn't right for me.
And then P went on a trip to Florida. It was partly work, and partly family. And I accidentally made him extremely angry at me and I've never seen him that mad before. In any way, shape, or form.
I started bawling my eyes out because I realized that he scared the s*** out of me. He had triggered my PTSD. and I apologize to him because I had been acting like a child, asking him every so often where he was headed to only because I was extremely curious as the name of the town that he was going to... not knowing that he was driving on 8 to 12 lane highway in the middle of crazy hour in Atlanta, Georgia.
Which he'd never told me he was in. Irritated as hell, over tired as hell...and pretty much it had every right to scream at me the way that he did via text. The whole trust issue thing came to light again.
He took some beautiful photos while in Florida. Some of them so beautiful my heart soared just looking at them... I feel that he takes the most beautiful photographs. He's so incredibly humble about it.
I ended up apologizing to him for the way that I treated him. Expressed how I had missed him, and that yes I was in love with him.
He got very quiet after that. claimed that he had a lot of thinking that he had to do or something, asked me not to use so many terms of endearment that I had been with him.
so I backed off and I pretty much stopped using all the terms of endearment. even to the point where I quit texting him as much too.
This afternoon, he then made it perfectly clear that he only wanted to be friends.
Damn it, I hate it when I'm right.
It probably serves me right.
I hate being on this "poor me" tangent. I found myself, I found happiness, and then I thought I had the person in my life that God wanted me to have.
But evidently God has other plans. Truthfully, I don't know when I'll ever have that person in my life to God wants me to have, or if I'm just going to end up alone the rest of my life.
I'm just tired of being alone at night. Tired of rolling over and nobody there to hold.
Someone to appreciate me. For... whatever. For being me.
That's all.
Right now, I'm not going to say much to him. I can't bring myself to do it. Being "friend zoned" really stung, especially after he knew how I felt about him.
Still.
Anyway my girls are home this weekend, and they're all driving me crazy.
if somebody had told me almost 20 years ago what my life was going to be like today, I would have laughed... Now I seriously just want a life do over...
Well, Monday Logan moved to England. Left Zerrin's room a complete disaster area. You name it, it was in there. Dirty clothes of all sorts, adult things shouldn't be left around, he basically left me one hell of a mess to clean up. then I got a hold of his fiance and Amy basically told me in so many words she is no longer my friend.
Logan blocked me first. Then I blocked Amy.
Logan now how has 1 months from the day that he left to make sure that he gets hold of me... Or all of his stuff is now mine to do what I need to.
God has made it very clear that the two guys I've been talking to in my life are not for me. E told me first...and it's no surprise that he was just wanting to be friends, and that's perfectly okay. While E and I were nerding out about certain things, I already figured that he wasn't right for me.
And then P went on a trip to Florida. It was partly work, and partly family. And I accidentally made him extremely angry at me and I've never seen him that mad before. In any way, shape, or form.
I started bawling my eyes out because I realized that he scared the s*** out of me. He had triggered my PTSD. and I apologize to him because I had been acting like a child, asking him every so often where he was headed to only because I was extremely curious as the name of the town that he was going to... not knowing that he was driving on 8 to 12 lane highway in the middle of crazy hour in Atlanta, Georgia.
Which he'd never told me he was in. Irritated as hell, over tired as hell...and pretty much it had every right to scream at me the way that he did via text. The whole trust issue thing came to light again.
He took some beautiful photos while in Florida. Some of them so beautiful my heart soared just looking at them... I feel that he takes the most beautiful photographs. He's so incredibly humble about it.
I ended up apologizing to him for the way that I treated him. Expressed how I had missed him, and that yes I was in love with him.
He got very quiet after that. claimed that he had a lot of thinking that he had to do or something, asked me not to use so many terms of endearment that I had been with him.
so I backed off and I pretty much stopped using all the terms of endearment. even to the point where I quit texting him as much too.
This afternoon, he then made it perfectly clear that he only wanted to be friends.
Damn it, I hate it when I'm right.
It probably serves me right.
I hate being on this "poor me" tangent. I found myself, I found happiness, and then I thought I had the person in my life that God wanted me to have.
But evidently God has other plans. Truthfully, I don't know when I'll ever have that person in my life to God wants me to have, or if I'm just going to end up alone the rest of my life.
I'm just tired of being alone at night. Tired of rolling over and nobody there to hold.
Someone to appreciate me. For... whatever. For being me.
That's all.
Right now, I'm not going to say much to him. I can't bring myself to do it. Being "friend zoned" really stung, especially after he knew how I felt about him.
Still.
Anyway my girls are home this weekend, and they're all driving me crazy.
if somebody had told me almost 20 years ago what my life was going to be like today, I would have laughed... Now I seriously just want a life do over...