up/down.
Yesterday was tramatic.
We got into a huge fight. I'd been suffering from anxiety attacks and depression all weekend. He finally decided that we all go for a car ride, which Axl fell asleep during.
So...no rest for me.
I guess words mean nothing to him. He told me i gotta leave. He's getting rid of my cats, and today is my Sam's 11th birthday.
But yet during this car ride, he tells me I'm being ungrateful? I'm not doing enough around the house to warrant him working, and now i gotta get a job?
And of course, he pitches the whole "you want out, and try finding someone else out there who's gonna deal with your bull*" over the whole course of an hour.
I don't think anyone would deal with my anxiety tantrums.
Roy can't. Why would anyone else.
We go back to the house, Axl wakes up. And of course, doesn't understand that we'd just gotten back, so he's pitching one heck of a fit.
Roy goes out on an Uber drive after getting "dinner".
Mother's Day dinner is...meat, cheese and cracker trays. Because he's not cooking. Despite the fact he wanted to cook three days prior and make me a special meal.
Haha.
He gets back, and tells me to get Axl's socks, shoes. And loads up his car seat.
The carnival is at the mall.
He spent $25 on Axl at the carnival, but refused to spend $5 of it on the cats for food.
My son about flew off the first ride. And Roy was suppose to be holding him. They went up on this giantic slide.
I saw my son almost get severely injured.
I tried so hard to repress screaming in terror.
But after it was all said and done, Axl was ok. Roy finally, wisely, decided not to do that one again.
Axl went with me next on his first merry-go-round ride. Roy took photos of us, and i took photos of them. Of course.
We took turns going on rides with him. I think his favorite was getting to "drive" a car all by himself.
We ended up tag-teaming him back into his car seat after we ran out of tickets. Fun. I'm just glad he decided not to bite me.
After reviewing all of what i wrote, i realize now more than ever that my life sucks. Don't get me wrong. I knowRoy is trying to pay all the bills. I knowhe is trying to take care of Axl financially.
And he sayshe's trying to take care of me financally too so i "can be as comfortable as" i "was before the incident".
The incident where i lost my mind, bit my child, and caused all this chaos because I'd been on the verge of a mental breakdown due to anxiety, depression, verbal and mental abuse. But one had nothing to do with the other...? But yet, the abuse continues to happen, and I'm the two-face...? And i tried reaching out for help priorto all that mess, and was heckled by my own husband as "being stupid".
I haven't been comfortable in years. Financial security is all well and good...but if you aren't comfortable in your own skin? If you aren't mentally and physically healthy, than what good is financial security?
Food for thought.