best friend
Jen said that I was her best friend today. 3 times. To 3 different people. That was nice.
I went to Lukes tonight...with jen. That wasnt so nice. Jen n luke were fighting the whole time. First they were pissed off coz they'd fallen out. We walked in silence to lukes flat. Then they made up n we went to the chippy. And on the way back luke grabbed me, and jens coat and went a different way....joking around...but she wouldn't go that way. So she got pissed off with him again. He then gave me her coat and keys and stormed off somewhere. She told me which keys they were and went to find him. I couldn't open the door so I had to wait for her. She came back and couldnt find him. She started crying. Then we ate the food. Some guy called Wez came over...he was really nice...I like him. Then chris and the dog...and some other guy. Told jen not to worry coz luke was up the street. They left. He came back. Then when we were walking home they had it out.
The subject of me came up. Jen is jealous of me....she's told me that numerous times. Fuck knows why. But yeah she was mad at luke for going off with me when he knows how she feels. Then luke started to defend himself by assuring her that he didnt fancy me. He said "no offence nicky...but shes not my type"....and "i happen to share the same opinion as chris...her face is too round." That hurt the most. He said I had a nice body, nice hair n stuff.....he wasnt being mean...in fact he kept appologising and so did jen....but the fact that him and chris have sat there together and decided that my head is too round for them to like me really hurt. Jen and luke continued to talk about me... jen said "she's my BEST friend but I am bloody jealous of her"...or something then luke said "do you think nicky would do that to you?" and she said "NO".
I cried as we walked to the bus stop. They dont know that of course....i dont let people see me cry.....i hid behind my hair and pretented to be giving them space. But jen knows that she upset me.....well luke upset me more....But i guess she noticed by my feeble attempts to say "its ok"......or "hmmm"....or things like that.
It was horrible. Jen said sorry and begged me not to be mad.....which i wasn't and i said so. I was hurt. But i ddnt say that. I also said that she knows i dont get mad at people. She asked me what i did. I didnt answer. What i do is go home and cry.....and possibly feel like this for days...and only write how i really feel in my journal.. What would i do without my journal?
Iv been talking to amy over msn. I can talk more when im this upset....coz then I dont care....and over the net too...not face to face. Amy made me feel a little better. But I feel like i have no close friends. Everyone likes someone else more...im nobodys favourite person....
Maybe i just ask too much. Id kill for someone to need me right now.
This is the saddest song in the world. "Piano Song" by the starting line...my fave band right now. Its about a girl who had a deadly disease....and instead of dying horribly in pain and trauma, she just closed her eyes and fell asleep. Its soooo sad...here are the lyrics:-
STARTING LINE LYRICS
"Piano Song"
Her life was more than mine,
Like a proud shooting star into the night,
She crashed through the airwaves and ripped like a knife.
It was a bad disease; her searching was over, over.
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
Her mind steadfast through time,
Her family stood by trying hard not to cry,
With patience and virtue, kept strong through the night, oh.
She never fell to her knees, her searching was over, over.
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
And then my eyes stretched out,
As I saw her hand slip away
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
To me,
To me,
To me,
Hold on to me.
*cries*
Im gonna go now.....im feeling a little better thanx to amy
Love you all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I went to Lukes tonight...with jen. That wasnt so nice. Jen n luke were fighting the whole time. First they were pissed off coz they'd fallen out. We walked in silence to lukes flat. Then they made up n we went to the chippy. And on the way back luke grabbed me, and jens coat and went a different way....joking around...but she wouldn't go that way. So she got pissed off with him again. He then gave me her coat and keys and stormed off somewhere. She told me which keys they were and went to find him. I couldn't open the door so I had to wait for her. She came back and couldnt find him. She started crying. Then we ate the food. Some guy called Wez came over...he was really nice...I like him. Then chris and the dog...and some other guy. Told jen not to worry coz luke was up the street. They left. He came back. Then when we were walking home they had it out.
The subject of me came up. Jen is jealous of me....she's told me that numerous times. Fuck knows why. But yeah she was mad at luke for going off with me when he knows how she feels. Then luke started to defend himself by assuring her that he didnt fancy me. He said "no offence nicky...but shes not my type"....and "i happen to share the same opinion as chris...her face is too round." That hurt the most. He said I had a nice body, nice hair n stuff.....he wasnt being mean...in fact he kept appologising and so did jen....but the fact that him and chris have sat there together and decided that my head is too round for them to like me really hurt. Jen and luke continued to talk about me... jen said "she's my BEST friend but I am bloody jealous of her"...or something then luke said "do you think nicky would do that to you?" and she said "NO".
I cried as we walked to the bus stop. They dont know that of course....i dont let people see me cry.....i hid behind my hair and pretented to be giving them space. But jen knows that she upset me.....well luke upset me more....But i guess she noticed by my feeble attempts to say "its ok"......or "hmmm"....or things like that.
It was horrible. Jen said sorry and begged me not to be mad.....which i wasn't and i said so. I was hurt. But i ddnt say that. I also said that she knows i dont get mad at people. She asked me what i did. I didnt answer. What i do is go home and cry.....and possibly feel like this for days...and only write how i really feel in my journal.. What would i do without my journal?
Iv been talking to amy over msn. I can talk more when im this upset....coz then I dont care....and over the net too...not face to face. Amy made me feel a little better. But I feel like i have no close friends. Everyone likes someone else more...im nobodys favourite person....
Maybe i just ask too much. Id kill for someone to need me right now.
This is the saddest song in the world. "Piano Song" by the starting line...my fave band right now. Its about a girl who had a deadly disease....and instead of dying horribly in pain and trauma, she just closed her eyes and fell asleep. Its soooo sad...here are the lyrics:-
STARTING LINE LYRICS
"Piano Song"
Her life was more than mine,
Like a proud shooting star into the night,
She crashed through the airwaves and ripped like a knife.
It was a bad disease; her searching was over, over.
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
Her mind steadfast through time,
Her family stood by trying hard not to cry,
With patience and virtue, kept strong through the night, oh.
She never fell to her knees, her searching was over, over.
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
And then my eyes stretched out,
As I saw her hand slip away
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
Hold on to the light that guides you,
Hold on to the air that cools you,
Hold on, hold on to me
To me,
To me,
To me,
Hold on to me.
*cries*
Im gonna go now.....im feeling a little better thanx to amy
Love you all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx