I feel so alone :(
I've felt like this for weeks now....and it's getting worse. I need to write. I feel like I don't have a friend in the world. All my best friends have started going out, getting drunk, chatting up boys, wearing short skirts n stuff.....which is fine if you like doing that....but I don't. It's not their fault.....I love them....but I feel like they've forgotten me. I keep thinking about last summer and it makes me cry....
That was the BEST summer EVER....house parties, holidays...theme parks....camping...we did everything together...we were all best friends...
That's all changed now....I have no one. The other day one of my friends was crying in the dinner hall at school....I asked her what was wrong and she squeezed my arm and said "go and eat your dinner" with a sad smile on her face. It killed me.........I fought back the tears at the dinner table (i cant let them see me cry...) and then just got up and left them sitting there. Amy spent all dinner with her....she told amy everything and cried for the whole hour. I'd have given ANYTHING to be the one who was there for her....but I didn't think she wanted to talk to me. Why??? That confirmed it for me....no one needs me. I have no one who wants to talk to me when they are sad. I LOVE it when people confide in me....i NEED to feel needed...I wanna have a friend who can ONLY talk to me...a best friend who tells me everything...and who I tell everything to... But I have nobody.
I wanted to go to town the other day but I could only think of two people to go with me....they were both busy..
Jen is the only one who knows how I feel. She's the one I can talk to. She tries her best to be there for me.......and she did tell me what was wrong after dinner. That made me feel a little better.....I love her sooo much. I just want a friend who tells me first. A BEST friend. Or a few best friends who tell us all together. It's not her fault obviously.....I love her sooo much.....But I feel so alone. I sit there at the table at lunch and they're all talking about this guy they met...or how much they drank...or what bars they went to.....or when they're next going out....and I just sit there and not talk much. Then I go to jen for a hug and spend lunch time with her.
I want to go to college. I have nothing to stay in school for now. I want to go and meet new people...people who share my interests......people who play music...go to the nice bars and just chill there....go to each others house and watch tv and eat pizza.....
I need close friends....i need to be close to people, confided in....
I can't wait to meet Katie...she goes to Clarendon......she talks to me like she loves me.....says she misses me......I really hope that a close friendship develops with her....I need close friends....
I wanna talk about music, and gig with people and hang out backstage, and talk about how the last gig went.....and go into nottingham round the bars just to hang out and chill wearing combos and trainers. And have house parties with rock music....I want it so bad.
I've never felt this lonely....and never for this long.....
I've kinda told amy how I feel...but I can't tell her everything coz I dont wanna hurt her....
This sucks....all I have to make me happy is music, avril (yeah, I'm THAT sad and needy, but she really makes me happy) and the thought that it won't last forever.
Well...that's it I guess. Sorry....I needed to write about this. I know why people commit suicide now.....I understand. The only thing saving me is that Im not lost inside my own lonliness.....I know it will change...and I have things to hold on to....thankyou music...and thankyou avril...and thankyou future.
Talk to you all soon......
I love you...who ever you are. The thought that you care enough to read my journal is slightly comforting.....I wish you guys lived round here....lol.
If anyone who knows me is reading this...thankyou.......please keep it to yourself.
Love you all
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That was the BEST summer EVER....house parties, holidays...theme parks....camping...we did everything together...we were all best friends...
That's all changed now....I have no one. The other day one of my friends was crying in the dinner hall at school....I asked her what was wrong and she squeezed my arm and said "go and eat your dinner" with a sad smile on her face. It killed me.........I fought back the tears at the dinner table (i cant let them see me cry...) and then just got up and left them sitting there. Amy spent all dinner with her....she told amy everything and cried for the whole hour. I'd have given ANYTHING to be the one who was there for her....but I didn't think she wanted to talk to me. Why??? That confirmed it for me....no one needs me. I have no one who wants to talk to me when they are sad. I LOVE it when people confide in me....i NEED to feel needed...I wanna have a friend who can ONLY talk to me...a best friend who tells me everything...and who I tell everything to... But I have nobody.
I wanted to go to town the other day but I could only think of two people to go with me....they were both busy..
Jen is the only one who knows how I feel. She's the one I can talk to. She tries her best to be there for me.......and she did tell me what was wrong after dinner. That made me feel a little better.....I love her sooo much. I just want a friend who tells me first. A BEST friend. Or a few best friends who tell us all together. It's not her fault obviously.....I love her sooo much.....But I feel so alone. I sit there at the table at lunch and they're all talking about this guy they met...or how much they drank...or what bars they went to.....or when they're next going out....and I just sit there and not talk much. Then I go to jen for a hug and spend lunch time with her.
I want to go to college. I have nothing to stay in school for now. I want to go and meet new people...people who share my interests......people who play music...go to the nice bars and just chill there....go to each others house and watch tv and eat pizza.....
I need close friends....i need to be close to people, confided in....
I can't wait to meet Katie...she goes to Clarendon......she talks to me like she loves me.....says she misses me......I really hope that a close friendship develops with her....I need close friends....
I wanna talk about music, and gig with people and hang out backstage, and talk about how the last gig went.....and go into nottingham round the bars just to hang out and chill wearing combos and trainers. And have house parties with rock music....I want it so bad.
I've never felt this lonely....and never for this long.....
I've kinda told amy how I feel...but I can't tell her everything coz I dont wanna hurt her....
This sucks....all I have to make me happy is music, avril (yeah, I'm THAT sad and needy, but she really makes me happy) and the thought that it won't last forever.
Well...that's it I guess. Sorry....I needed to write about this. I know why people commit suicide now.....I understand. The only thing saving me is that Im not lost inside my own lonliness.....I know it will change...and I have things to hold on to....thankyou music...and thankyou avril...and thankyou future.
Talk to you all soon......
I love you...who ever you are. The thought that you care enough to read my journal is slightly comforting.....I wish you guys lived round here....lol.
If anyone who knows me is reading this...thankyou.......please keep it to yourself.
Love you all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx