A long and thought filled entry...
Ok so I said I would update and be a good little
update writer-monkey so here goes:
I had once mentioned in a video update on my youtube account
that I sometimes have tolerate-Japan days and hate-Japan days
and I cannot say that that has changed in any way, unfortunately.
Things have gotten a lot easier in terms of the job related work
and having to live in a small ass closet of an apartment, not
to mention having a girlfriend now (and she's just amazing),
but there are still times I become resentful over what I left/sacrificed
back home to be here for a company that doesn't appreciate
me/you in any way whatsoever. I learned long ago what it is to
be used as nothing more than a means to an end and it in no way
made me feel better about the fact that I am nothing to the user
IE my company...but that aside, I think I have learned a great deal
more about who I am and what I think about life and people in general.
Where was I going with the above paragraph? I dunno...anyhow...
One thing that has really disappointed me is the lacklusterness
(I invent new words all the time anymore hahaha) of the Japanese
culture/society/people in general. Talk about having the rug pulled
out from under you. And thought I would like to elaborate more, I feel
it would be nothing more than an invitation to debate and argument of
which I have no desire nor time. But, I will say that no other culture,
of which I have seen or read about, can make me feel as depressed or
sym and empathetic as the Japanese culture. Gosh what an existence it is.
And maybe its a bit unfair judging it according to American standards
or judging as an outsider, but you cannot help but pity how miserable
and empty their lives appear or seem or are (Ive had conversations with
many students). On one hand it makes me glad to have been born in the US
and on the other it makes me sad for those who will never know what it is
like to live in a world like that of the US, and we truly are more
blessed than we can ever imagine.
Last night I watched the movie Sunshine. And I must say that it was a
very good sleeper hit and never would have imagined that it would be
as good as it is based on the almost corny title. All in all, I would
rather you watch it than me give a break down of it, but I will say that
the plot of 'our sun is dying and we need to jump start it' is intriguing.
The simplicity of the setting and story line also make for a good mulling
over despite the very few 'well that doesn't make too much sense's that
have popped up after thinking about it...
Some times I wonder how coherent I am anymore too. I feel like I am on
autopilot too much and that I can't even hold good and coherent conversation
anymore, much less type anything worth reading maybe, and I wonder if
(as I mentioned in yet another vid) I truly am losing intelligence...though
can it be lost per se, maybe just out of practice. I think I also feel like
I am diluting myself by trying to sound intelligent on too many occasions
only to be shot down by someone's biting and witty remark/response though
I actually had something good to say or add; and then I feel like I need to
just not talk at all which makes it even lonelier here...speaking of which,
I think that had I known what kind of people I would be working with, I
never would have taken this job either. Talk about personality clash.
Last night I went out with my American co-worker, and another teacher-sap
from New Zealand whom happens to live in our building, to our local food and drinkery.
We sat down and I decided to look the menu over seeing as how I knew a lot
more about food in such places after living here 7 months now. So I see an
item that I had no clue about called 'ka-mon-be-ru chi-zu fu-rai' or fried
camembert cheese. It was the first time in my life I had seen or tried it and
yet she insists that the first time we went to said place that she ordered it
and I had it and loved it. Wow thanks for telling me about my own life despite
I know for a fact that I had never had it...anywhere. Well she made such a fuss
over it, insisting that I had eaten it previously with her and Malcolmn, that
she ended up just wanting to drop it and giving a disgusted 'you're so stupid
look and head bob'. I can honestly say that our relationship is purely civil
for public only because I cannot stand her in any way shape or form. I would
go deeper into it but then it would simply upset me and further solidify my
hatred....did I just say that...oops. Not to mention my 'head teacher' or
as we would call it 'supervisor teacher'. My disgust for her runs deeper and
stronger than any dislike I have ever had for anyone in this life. And I
sometimes wonder what aspects I can attribute to this fact but there are
so many that it escapes comprehension. So oh well. And since I don't keep
in line and act like a good little robot for the company and talk back to
her in a respectful-not-cussing way, she knows that I absolutely hate her
guts.
Anyway, this is a brief look at whatever. Maybe I will go into it more
sometime when I feel like getting into the nitty-gritty and really rattling
come cages, but right now I want to just chill and be glad that I actually
typed something today...psssh.
update writer-monkey so here goes:
I had once mentioned in a video update on my youtube account
that I sometimes have tolerate-Japan days and hate-Japan days
and I cannot say that that has changed in any way, unfortunately.
Things have gotten a lot easier in terms of the job related work
and having to live in a small ass closet of an apartment, not
to mention having a girlfriend now (and she's just amazing),
but there are still times I become resentful over what I left/sacrificed
back home to be here for a company that doesn't appreciate
me/you in any way whatsoever. I learned long ago what it is to
be used as nothing more than a means to an end and it in no way
made me feel better about the fact that I am nothing to the user
IE my company...but that aside, I think I have learned a great deal
more about who I am and what I think about life and people in general.
Where was I going with the above paragraph? I dunno...anyhow...
One thing that has really disappointed me is the lacklusterness
(I invent new words all the time anymore hahaha) of the Japanese
culture/society/people in general. Talk about having the rug pulled
out from under you. And thought I would like to elaborate more, I feel
it would be nothing more than an invitation to debate and argument of
which I have no desire nor time. But, I will say that no other culture,
of which I have seen or read about, can make me feel as depressed or
sym and empathetic as the Japanese culture. Gosh what an existence it is.
And maybe its a bit unfair judging it according to American standards
or judging as an outsider, but you cannot help but pity how miserable
and empty their lives appear or seem or are (Ive had conversations with
many students). On one hand it makes me glad to have been born in the US
and on the other it makes me sad for those who will never know what it is
like to live in a world like that of the US, and we truly are more
blessed than we can ever imagine.
Last night I watched the movie Sunshine. And I must say that it was a
very good sleeper hit and never would have imagined that it would be
as good as it is based on the almost corny title. All in all, I would
rather you watch it than me give a break down of it, but I will say that
the plot of 'our sun is dying and we need to jump start it' is intriguing.
The simplicity of the setting and story line also make for a good mulling
over despite the very few 'well that doesn't make too much sense's that
have popped up after thinking about it...
Some times I wonder how coherent I am anymore too. I feel like I am on
autopilot too much and that I can't even hold good and coherent conversation
anymore, much less type anything worth reading maybe, and I wonder if
(as I mentioned in yet another vid) I truly am losing intelligence...though
can it be lost per se, maybe just out of practice. I think I also feel like
I am diluting myself by trying to sound intelligent on too many occasions
only to be shot down by someone's biting and witty remark/response though
I actually had something good to say or add; and then I feel like I need to
just not talk at all which makes it even lonelier here...speaking of which,
I think that had I known what kind of people I would be working with, I
never would have taken this job either. Talk about personality clash.
Last night I went out with my American co-worker, and another teacher-sap
from New Zealand whom happens to live in our building, to our local food and drinkery.
We sat down and I decided to look the menu over seeing as how I knew a lot
more about food in such places after living here 7 months now. So I see an
item that I had no clue about called 'ka-mon-be-ru chi-zu fu-rai' or fried
camembert cheese. It was the first time in my life I had seen or tried it and
yet she insists that the first time we went to said place that she ordered it
and I had it and loved it. Wow thanks for telling me about my own life despite
I know for a fact that I had never had it...anywhere. Well she made such a fuss
over it, insisting that I had eaten it previously with her and Malcolmn, that
she ended up just wanting to drop it and giving a disgusted 'you're so stupid
look and head bob'. I can honestly say that our relationship is purely civil
for public only because I cannot stand her in any way shape or form. I would
go deeper into it but then it would simply upset me and further solidify my
hatred....did I just say that...oops. Not to mention my 'head teacher' or
as we would call it 'supervisor teacher'. My disgust for her runs deeper and
stronger than any dislike I have ever had for anyone in this life. And I
sometimes wonder what aspects I can attribute to this fact but there are
so many that it escapes comprehension. So oh well. And since I don't keep
in line and act like a good little robot for the company and talk back to
her in a respectful-not-cussing way, she knows that I absolutely hate her
guts.
Anyway, this is a brief look at whatever. Maybe I will go into it more
sometime when I feel like getting into the nitty-gritty and really rattling
come cages, but right now I want to just chill and be glad that I actually
typed something today...psssh.