away
i used to feel that "didn't want to leave you with the wrong impression" was a key phrase in my life. annoyingly so. i hated the idea that someone would leave or be in my life with the wrong impression of my motives or attitude. i needed to have the last word and make my intentions known, even when it was far too late. i didn't want you to think i let you go because i was weak or upset, i wanted you to know that it was because i was strong, stronger than ever. i didn't want you to think i cared when i didn't. and sometimes i didn't want you to think i cared even when i did. i'll never know what anyone's last impressions of me are. i don't think i even care anymore, even about current ones. if i can't even make you listen and want to understand when i'm unhappy then i don't have luxury of being concerned with your impressions. the truth is that i feel ridiculous that i'm willing to do so much for you because i know i'll never get the same. i feel stupid for every ledge i've walked out on, because it's just me standing there next to some suicidal freak - you'll never be there with me. i'm so angry with myself for being at this point.