Things aren't as pretty on the inside
Having a difficult day today. I don't know why- probably because I'm PMSing but I've just been feeling like crap the last few days.
I feel so lost and trapped at the same time. I'm constantly worrying if my husband still finds me attractive (I've gained so much weight within the last year- I'm truly disgusted with myself!) I don't feel cute or attractive anymore and well, hubby doesn't seem all that interested in me these days. But, I sometimes think it's because of how I feel.
Do you think my fat ass can get on a diet and do something about it? No. I've lost all faith in myself and I've just stopped trying. I feel like it's just beyond me to look pretty or attractive anymore. I'm no longer that person.
It's as though I'm mourning for the person I used to be.
I desperately want a new life- just pick up and go- start fresh somewhere else. I need a change of scenery.
I need understanding and I just don't feel like there's anyone (aside from my mother) who truly understands me. I get so lost inside my own head...and I just don't feel like I can talk about these things with others.
I just wish my life had some meaning....purpose. I'm struggling with that alot lately. I wish I knew what I was meant to do. I hate having a 9a-5pm job that I dislike and work so hard for- even though I know it's not what I want to do.
But what am I really passionate about? What would I really want to do, that would make a difference?
I love animals- and I want to go back to school to be a vet tech- but somehow I feel like I'm selling myself short with that goal.
I don't know, I just feel so lost and confused.
I feel so lost and trapped at the same time. I'm constantly worrying if my husband still finds me attractive (I've gained so much weight within the last year- I'm truly disgusted with myself!) I don't feel cute or attractive anymore and well, hubby doesn't seem all that interested in me these days. But, I sometimes think it's because of how I feel.
Do you think my fat ass can get on a diet and do something about it? No. I've lost all faith in myself and I've just stopped trying. I feel like it's just beyond me to look pretty or attractive anymore. I'm no longer that person.
It's as though I'm mourning for the person I used to be.
I desperately want a new life- just pick up and go- start fresh somewhere else. I need a change of scenery.
I need understanding and I just don't feel like there's anyone (aside from my mother) who truly understands me. I get so lost inside my own head...and I just don't feel like I can talk about these things with others.
I just wish my life had some meaning....purpose. I'm struggling with that alot lately. I wish I knew what I was meant to do. I hate having a 9a-5pm job that I dislike and work so hard for- even though I know it's not what I want to do.
But what am I really passionate about? What would I really want to do, that would make a difference?
I love animals- and I want to go back to school to be a vet tech- but somehow I feel like I'm selling myself short with that goal.
I don't know, I just feel so lost and confused.