Worried Sick

[autumnduck]

How can one person screw things up so much when they were going 10x better then she could have ever imagined? Why is she setting here crying her eyes out and trying not to throw up every min when she should be getting her wedding together? Why does she let booze effect her brain so much? If she had the answers to any of this she wouldnt be here writing and be in the situation she is in now.

Only a few people know what is going on and i hope it stays that way. I just want to say alochol should never mingle with me again. I get tired and grumpy and stuff i think is just in my head i let out without sometimes knowing i do. I hurt people when i dont mean to. I've never prayed this hard in my life. I'm just praying God will open both our hearts. I'm praying for forgiveness. I'm praying for the love again. I'm praying for my july 25th to become true. To become the Mrs Flowers i want to be. My world is crumbling and i'm trying my hardest to catch the pieces one by one and put them back together. I love my world soooo much and i just want it happy. But i let stress and every day problems come in between. I do love you though and i pray you can forgive and stand by my side when i go for what i think needs to be done. xoxox