Parasocial and Other Online Relationships (Public Post)

[author_by_night]

I'm making this post public. :)

I believe that the concept of "parasocial friendships" is only gaining traction in popular usage, although the term itself has been around for some time now.  (As is often true.) Essentially, a parasocial friendship is one where you might feel very close to someone, but the closeness felt is very one-sided. This

Comments

[author_by_night]

I knew you were referencing Sarah Z once I saw your subject title before reading the post. ;)

Ha! Yes, although I'd actually tried to talk about it before I even watched the video, but didn't really have the words. She sort of helped me contextualize it a little better. And I really appreciated her point about people talking to her like they know her.

There was this one time many years ago with an someone here on LJ who I was mutuals with that I felt very connected to, we commented on each other's posts and I shared some personal stuff with them (and vice versa), so I really thought there was a friendship being built there. Until one day they defriended me, out of the blue. I was baffled. Apparently they claimed that they didn't like that I had made some posts without an lj cut.

Aww. :( That's weird, yeah. Why not just ask you to stop? They either didn't take online friendships that much to heart, OR they're just not good friends, period.

I had someone defriend me because "I have too many people on my flist." She defriended me from all social media, too. It was so strange, because I thought that we were pretty close. The thing is that she... sometimes also said she didn't feel understood by a lot of people, and now I have to wonder how many people she just randomly alienated under the guise of being "not like everyone else." I don't know, I just know that I was also sad. Another friend defriended me because she only wanted to be friends with people who were into her new fandom, and again, she was someone I felt close to. Apparently she did not feel the same.

Though I often think back to whether I did something wrong, if there was a boundary I crossed that they were too scared to tell me about, or what.

Oh, same with certain people. Ultimately though, I think there's good ways and bad ways to handle things even if there is another side.

yet the fundamental tool for this has been lost due to the the impersonal way people operate now through the current age of social media.

Exactly.

I love LJ/DW. I know I spend so much time talking about how it's changed, but that's really not to say I don't love it. I honestly think that apart from LJ's myriad of problems, they're the perfect platforms in so many ways.

[rogueslayer452]

They either didn't take online friendships that much to heart, OR they're just not good friends, period.

I don't know. I've thought about that a whole lot, because it wasn't like they were unfriendly or being purposefully malicious. At least, the way they presented themselves online that is. They even did the "it's not you, it's me" explanation at the time, though I have questioned the genuineness of that they did have anxiety issues so perhaps it was just what they thought they needed to say as to not offend. I don't know. I may never know their true reasons for defriending me. I've kind of accepted that.

I've come to realize that some people just have their weird friending/defriending habits. I've had people follow me who have no common interests whatsoever and have never commented on any of my posts, and people who I've talked to one day only to unfollow me the next, for whatever reason.

I love LJ/DW. I know I spend so much time talking about how it's changed, but that's really not to say I don't love it. I honestly think that apart from LJ's myriad of problems, they're the perfect platforms in so many ways.

My thoughts exactly. It's why I'm hoping that somehow, someone can come up with another platform that is similar to LJ/DW/journaling sites as the next fandom hub so we can return to actually interacting and having conversations again.