(no subject)
i haven't updated any really. but then again, not a whole ton has happend either. i've been losing weight, i've lost about 17lbs and have been gaining muscle. my pants are slowly but surely falling off my ass. my life has kind of been meh, lately. maybe i just have to accept the fact that i won't have a lot of female friends or get attention from them really. all of them have kind of pushed me aside or whatever so i don't know, i've tried with some but i didn't get much response they kind of just sit there and don't talk to me or act grouchy. all i can do on my part is try and do my best. if katie likes some other dude, then i guess there's nothing i can do about that either. i try to talk to her or tell her things but she automatically thinks i'm making fun of her. like the other day i complimented her on how she looked, and i was being serious. and she said "what, are you kidding me, you're mean. oh whatever austin, i don't have make up on and i'm not dressed nicely today." but i really meant it but apparently that doesn't matter all that much. and there's nothing i can really do to help myself. if she still likes me, and noone else is going to pop up and say anything to me about having something for me, and she gets her stuff together i'd probably get back with her. but i don't know. i guess i just have to keep going. some people live without significant others, so i guess i can too. it just feels really weird though, going from a year relationship to, well...nothing. and then to have girls that had wanted me before saying that they don't anymore kind of hurt and messed me up a little bit. but at least they're telling the truth. i've been doing pretty well in school, getting a's except for AP US History. so whatever, i guess i'll have to try and deal with it. i've also been feeling really light headed lately, i don't know if there's a reason for it or not. but i wanted to get blood samples and have the doctors test them, because i have not felt very good and like i'm going to pass out. it could be because i'm not eating enough or something. because i run about a lot and lift a ton. not like jason webber who sits around and says he runs 3 miles a night but eats a pizza a day and has 4 chins. he is truely, thee most annoying person i have ever came in contact with and i'm sure there will be many others like him out there. i'm going to sign up for swimming too. i guess. noah is going to show me how to swim or something, so i guess i'll see how it goes and if i actually want to commit all the time that you have to, to it. ceramics isn't that fun well it is to watch mrs. attwood get mad
and i guess i'll post my blog on myspace, though i'm sure you've all seen it. i'll just put it here anyways about the candlewalk
tonight was pretty emotional, and i came to realize quite a few things. i sat there and looked at the candle in my hand. i sat there and thought about it, about how if i took my hand off from covering it from the wind it would blow out. thinking about that i knew my dad was there with me. i knew he was watching over me and keeping his hand over me making sure that my flame doesn't get extinguished, the desires in my heart will not go unheard just because of the fact that some things right now are unfortunate. it was almost like an epiphany. but not quite, well maybe if i take this and use the wisdom i'd been given to my advantage. there are better people out there in the world than you anyways. noone can understand why you act the way you do anymore, so you can go live your life now. because i really could care less about the ugly people who make poor decisions and listen to crappy music. i'm done caring about it. i learned tonight that i'll be just fine. i have been up to this point right? you hurt me so much. you won't know and i hope you never do. you were my best friend and i poured a year of my life into you, and you helped me with more things than anyone. but i guess it doesn't matter to you at all. i was nothing to you. but you know what? I'M GOING TO BE OK. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE. i'm still walking talking breathing and doin' work. i learned that there are others out there that care for me no matter what happens. i learned there's nothing wrong with me, either. it's not me who changed. it's you. and there are other's out there for me.
i wanted to call and ask someone to a movie tonight. but didn't. i also feel that i should stop being so conserved and scared, i should just go for it. i'll see though, if you reject me then i guess i tried and i failed but at least i tried at all.
=)
you're always there for me. always
and i guess i'll post my blog on myspace, though i'm sure you've all seen it. i'll just put it here anyways about the candlewalk
tonight was pretty emotional, and i came to realize quite a few things. i sat there and looked at the candle in my hand. i sat there and thought about it, about how if i took my hand off from covering it from the wind it would blow out. thinking about that i knew my dad was there with me. i knew he was watching over me and keeping his hand over me making sure that my flame doesn't get extinguished, the desires in my heart will not go unheard just because of the fact that some things right now are unfortunate. it was almost like an epiphany. but not quite, well maybe if i take this and use the wisdom i'd been given to my advantage. there are better people out there in the world than you anyways. noone can understand why you act the way you do anymore, so you can go live your life now. because i really could care less about the ugly people who make poor decisions and listen to crappy music. i'm done caring about it. i learned tonight that i'll be just fine. i have been up to this point right? you hurt me so much. you won't know and i hope you never do. you were my best friend and i poured a year of my life into you, and you helped me with more things than anyone. but i guess it doesn't matter to you at all. i was nothing to you. but you know what? I'M GOING TO BE OK. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE. i'm still walking talking breathing and doin' work. i learned that there are others out there that care for me no matter what happens. i learned there's nothing wrong with me, either. it's not me who changed. it's you. and there are other's out there for me.
i wanted to call and ask someone to a movie tonight. but didn't. i also feel that i should stop being so conserved and scared, i should just go for it. i'll see though, if you reject me then i guess i tried and i failed but at least i tried at all.
=)
you're always there for me. always