Midterm and apologizes...
John and Shawn commented today how keyed-up I am. I didn't really notice it...
But they're right. Lately, I've been so restless...I literally can't sit still. I've cut back on the caffeine and sugar drastically, yet I still feel as if I'm on a constant expresso high.
*sighs*
Along with the physical nervous tension, I've been snapping at everything and everything as well. I think poor Adrian is getting the short end of the stick, though several of my other friends apparently felt it too (sorry John). *sighs* Midterms, finals, LSATS...anything that has some significant impact on my academenic future is never easy for me. I suppose it's never easy for anyone...I just can't seem to separate myself from this tension.
Shawn said today that he can accept that there are limitations to what he can do. *sighs* I really wish I had his attitute...I can't accept that there are limitations to how much I can do...that eventually, I need to say, "I've done the best I can."
Even getting the grade isn't enough...
*sighs*
I face this issue twice a semester: this absolute panick over my grades, my future, my ability...even when I'm doing well there's that possibility of failure. Failure for me has become an A-
Have I learned anything from sophomore year? Did I go through acadmenic suicide, only to bind myself in that rat-race for the top class rank--again? I'm so frustrated at myself right now...I feel as if I should have learned how to deal: how to keep school in perspective. I say that I know what's important (learning, in opposed to grades), but I don't act that way. And what good are my words when they lack the sincerity of action?
When I finish this entry, I'm going to go back to studying Logic with Adrian, puncutated by CC breaks to keep both of us sane. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to study again until class...then again until after class. I'll ace the test on Thursday...than start working on the Romans+Gods Essay. I'll spend about 3 times a much as I need to on that essay...then start studying for the 301 exam.
All this time, these thoughts will be going through my head: why the hell does this matter? Why do I always push myself so hard for that A, while trying to pretend that the learning is more important to me than the grade? I want it to me--I want to know that I'd work just as hard in these classes if I took them all p/f...
*sighs* I'm so far from where I want to be. I'd rather be the person who can be content with a 3.7, then frantic over my 4.0
*wry smile*
Back to Logic...
But they're right. Lately, I've been so restless...I literally can't sit still. I've cut back on the caffeine and sugar drastically, yet I still feel as if I'm on a constant expresso high.
*sighs*
Along with the physical nervous tension, I've been snapping at everything and everything as well. I think poor Adrian is getting the short end of the stick, though several of my other friends apparently felt it too (sorry John). *sighs* Midterms, finals, LSATS...anything that has some significant impact on my academenic future is never easy for me. I suppose it's never easy for anyone...I just can't seem to separate myself from this tension.
Shawn said today that he can accept that there are limitations to what he can do. *sighs* I really wish I had his attitute...I can't accept that there are limitations to how much I can do...that eventually, I need to say, "I've done the best I can."
Even getting the grade isn't enough...
*sighs*
I face this issue twice a semester: this absolute panick over my grades, my future, my ability...even when I'm doing well there's that possibility of failure. Failure for me has become an A-
Have I learned anything from sophomore year? Did I go through acadmenic suicide, only to bind myself in that rat-race for the top class rank--again? I'm so frustrated at myself right now...I feel as if I should have learned how to deal: how to keep school in perspective. I say that I know what's important (learning, in opposed to grades), but I don't act that way. And what good are my words when they lack the sincerity of action?
When I finish this entry, I'm going to go back to studying Logic with Adrian, puncutated by CC breaks to keep both of us sane. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to study again until class...then again until after class. I'll ace the test on Thursday...than start working on the Romans+Gods Essay. I'll spend about 3 times a much as I need to on that essay...then start studying for the 301 exam.
All this time, these thoughts will be going through my head: why the hell does this matter? Why do I always push myself so hard for that A, while trying to pretend that the learning is more important to me than the grade? I want it to me--I want to know that I'd work just as hard in these classes if I took them all p/f...
*sighs* I'm so far from where I want to be. I'd rather be the person who can be content with a 3.7, then frantic over my 4.0
*wry smile*
Back to Logic...