Little annoyances...
I love my family. I really do. I come from a family of scientists (either through the medical field, or computer science, or pure sciences like research biochem) and businessmen. So being the lone black sheep, I end up having very interesting conversations with the rest of them.
But there are some things about my family that never fails to annoy me. It reminds me that some gaps can't be bridge--at best, it can be tolerated. Barely.
*****
Christmas was the first time my (extended) family as seen me since my birthday, 6 weeks ago. Almost immediately, my Aunt Hong commented that I've lost weight. True. I barely slept and ate over finals. It's a neutral enough observation...
She then asked my weight and height. I gave her the honest answer. Then she went on to suggest that I'd look even better if I lost another 15 lbs--so I'd be the same weight as my stick-thin "cousin" (not related, but we grew up together) in China.
Give me some credit: I took a deep breath and silently counted to twenty while choking down the rest of my Christmas dinner. I reasoned with myself: My Aunt married my uncle and came the US only 10 years ago, when she was in her late 20's. She spent most of her life in a culture that has values and ideals that differ immensely from the one I grew up in. She can't possibly realize that at 15 lbs lighter, I would either be incredibly dehydrated, have lost a great deal of muscle mass, or have negative body fat--or some poor combination of the above. She doesn't understand that I probably have more muscle on my right calf than the thin girls that serves as her ideal possess on their entire bodies. Or that my "cousin" eats like a bird (most girls my age in China--at least the ones I met in the city--have such strict eating habits that they would probably qualify for anorexia here. There, it's simply expected), and can't keep up with my easy pace walking around the city. She doesn't know all of that...she can't be blamed for her callous, though well-intended remarks.
*sighs* I didn't say anything. 20 years of training in Chinese social etiquette (which is FAR more complex and difficult than typical western etiquette) comes in handy: I smiled and nodded...and got dessert. As long as I don't take her advice, her words can't really harm me.
It's annoying nevertheless.
*****
The other thing that bothered me...
recycling gifts.
I'm the kind of person who puts effort and thought into every gift, even when I'm low on funds (as I often am). At the very least, I try to combine small purchases with handmade presents that's tailored for the person that I'm giving it to. Generic, buy-in-bulk gifts irks me.
Thus, I don't believe in returning, or "reusing" gifts. To me, it's an insult to both the person to gave it to you, and the person you're passing it off onto.
My mother did not get a present for my Uncle Tom (her brother...we were doing a weird system of giving gifts...and she combined his and his wife's gifts in one item). Thus, she wanted to give Aymeric's present to my Dad (a bottle of fine French wine) to my Uncle. In front of Aymeric.
I wrestled the wine away and hid it in my bag. He took a huge risk in carrying it (at Sophie's request) from France, as it's banned by customs. Sophie had obviously put some thought into what unique present she could give him. To simply pass it off like that--especially in front of them...was unthinkable to me.
*sighs* I still have the wine. I don't know what to do with it. I can't drink it, because I'm underaged and just prude enough that I won't try to consume it. Besides, fine wine requires an occasion....
Lets just hope that my mom doesn't give the bottle away before I turn 21, and before that occasion comes up.
*****
Last rant:
We had a party at my house today for the college kids that are in my old church. Mom's idea, but I didn't protest. However, right after dinner, she insisted that we gather together and sing hymens. I definitely protested at this point. As the host, I can't get out of that...and she knows perfectly well that I left this particular church 3 years ago. She's basically forcing me to participate in a Church activity against my will.
It's matter of principle, more than anything else. Singing a few songs with some old acquintances (they were never my friends, but that's a long story) is hardly unpleasant. It was simply that I had made my decision to leave this church, and though I'm flexible to fulfill my family's social obligations (as every church is also partly a social club, I think), I put my foot down at the religious activities. *sighs* Perhaps to her, it's not such a huge deal. She's right in that sense...
But doesn't she understand that I have enough respect for ANY religion not to participate in an activity that's sacred or meaningful for them, when I don't share the same sensibility? When I sing these hymens, those words from my mouth are lies--and the hypocricy of it is a small issue, but it hurts me--especially when I'm still searching for my religion.
There. I'm done venting.
But there are some things about my family that never fails to annoy me. It reminds me that some gaps can't be bridge--at best, it can be tolerated. Barely.
*****
Christmas was the first time my (extended) family as seen me since my birthday, 6 weeks ago. Almost immediately, my Aunt Hong commented that I've lost weight. True. I barely slept and ate over finals. It's a neutral enough observation...
She then asked my weight and height. I gave her the honest answer. Then she went on to suggest that I'd look even better if I lost another 15 lbs--so I'd be the same weight as my stick-thin "cousin" (not related, but we grew up together) in China.
Give me some credit: I took a deep breath and silently counted to twenty while choking down the rest of my Christmas dinner. I reasoned with myself: My Aunt married my uncle and came the US only 10 years ago, when she was in her late 20's. She spent most of her life in a culture that has values and ideals that differ immensely from the one I grew up in. She can't possibly realize that at 15 lbs lighter, I would either be incredibly dehydrated, have lost a great deal of muscle mass, or have negative body fat--or some poor combination of the above. She doesn't understand that I probably have more muscle on my right calf than the thin girls that serves as her ideal possess on their entire bodies. Or that my "cousin" eats like a bird (most girls my age in China--at least the ones I met in the city--have such strict eating habits that they would probably qualify for anorexia here. There, it's simply expected), and can't keep up with my easy pace walking around the city. She doesn't know all of that...she can't be blamed for her callous, though well-intended remarks.
*sighs* I didn't say anything. 20 years of training in Chinese social etiquette (which is FAR more complex and difficult than typical western etiquette) comes in handy: I smiled and nodded...and got dessert. As long as I don't take her advice, her words can't really harm me.
It's annoying nevertheless.
*****
The other thing that bothered me...
recycling gifts.
I'm the kind of person who puts effort and thought into every gift, even when I'm low on funds (as I often am). At the very least, I try to combine small purchases with handmade presents that's tailored for the person that I'm giving it to. Generic, buy-in-bulk gifts irks me.
Thus, I don't believe in returning, or "reusing" gifts. To me, it's an insult to both the person to gave it to you, and the person you're passing it off onto.
My mother did not get a present for my Uncle Tom (her brother...we were doing a weird system of giving gifts...and she combined his and his wife's gifts in one item). Thus, she wanted to give Aymeric's present to my Dad (a bottle of fine French wine) to my Uncle. In front of Aymeric.
I wrestled the wine away and hid it in my bag. He took a huge risk in carrying it (at Sophie's request) from France, as it's banned by customs. Sophie had obviously put some thought into what unique present she could give him. To simply pass it off like that--especially in front of them...was unthinkable to me.
*sighs* I still have the wine. I don't know what to do with it. I can't drink it, because I'm underaged and just prude enough that I won't try to consume it. Besides, fine wine requires an occasion....
Lets just hope that my mom doesn't give the bottle away before I turn 21, and before that occasion comes up.
*****
Last rant:
We had a party at my house today for the college kids that are in my old church. Mom's idea, but I didn't protest. However, right after dinner, she insisted that we gather together and sing hymens. I definitely protested at this point. As the host, I can't get out of that...and she knows perfectly well that I left this particular church 3 years ago. She's basically forcing me to participate in a Church activity against my will.
It's matter of principle, more than anything else. Singing a few songs with some old acquintances (they were never my friends, but that's a long story) is hardly unpleasant. It was simply that I had made my decision to leave this church, and though I'm flexible to fulfill my family's social obligations (as every church is also partly a social club, I think), I put my foot down at the religious activities. *sighs* Perhaps to her, it's not such a huge deal. She's right in that sense...
But doesn't she understand that I have enough respect for ANY religion not to participate in an activity that's sacred or meaningful for them, when I don't share the same sensibility? When I sing these hymens, those words from my mouth are lies--and the hypocricy of it is a small issue, but it hurts me--especially when I'm still searching for my religion.
There. I'm done venting.