(Untitled)

[aurorek]

God damn, I'm bored.
aaargh, I'm sooo f*ng bored I started watching KT videos on YT again.
and I hate KT, right...
I watched the amount of K8 that I honestly feel my brain's gonna explode.
and I've seen Aiba running like crazy from the kangaroos.
today, I'm killing my brain.
yeah, thats the punishment for too much studying.

oh, sorry, I almost

Comments

[calerine]

FIRST.

Gosh, for one, this story, the way you brought it out was amazing. It made me tear up a little through the end, which I haven't done for a really long time.

Although there are some twitching with the fluency would further bring out the emotion you're trying to convey. 'Cause at the moment, you're telling the reader what Nino is doing, his actions; it's a tad bit hard for the reader to feel, because your writing is detached. You touch on the important emotions, but you don't go deep. Try to explore these emotions.

Your grammar doesn't have any problem but erm, try to split your paragraphs up more. Now they're rather hard to read, but maybe that's just me.

I don't know if this is what you're looking for but yeah. Don't need to take heed if the comment doesn't help:D

[aurorek]

well, I've got some serious fight with richtext right now :/ I don't know why it doesn't want to work but this is the best state I could make. in the begining my beloved richtext wanted to post it all together. the colored things, the ljcut, the story - everything in one line =.=
god it hates me TT_TT

thx for Your comment ^^
I'm somehow proud of myself right now ^^
want some chocolate?

[calerine]

IT DOES THAT WITH ME TOO. Seriously. It always gives me shit with the lj-cut. Try to copy and paste your fic into html. Then go to rich text and edit it. It works better, or the whole thing will just fizzle up and BANG.

xD Are you sure? Ganbatte with your writing! You can do it!
Haha, why not?

[aurorek]

*hands some chocolate* it's with strawberry filling!

I actually DID this mostly in html when the rich text started to make fun out of me. but god, how many times can I edit one damn thing? after 10th time I was fed up and just left it like it is now ^^"

I've got an idea for another one, but that'll be a total vrack, I think xD

[hippiefox]

aw so sad T^T i kinda cried near the end...
i really like the story though <3 there's a few grammar errors and punctuation things, but nothing too bad ^^
maybe a bit more depth on the emotions, especially on Nino's part
but i liked it! :D

[aurorek]

thank You ^^
yay, makes me feel lot better, when someone except my best best friend tells me it's not so bad ^^

don't cry *hugs* I'll try writing that crack that came to my mind while studying ^^